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After 8 years of marriage, she simply walked out. Now shes back, saying shes changed and wants to continue with the relationship. It was very hurtful and I felt betrayed. Not sure what i should do.

2007-10-17 19:59:07 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

22 answers

she thout she found greener pasturs an left u for them... it dident pan out for her so she figured she cud jus walk right back in ur life like nothing happend... u b a fool if u take her back... shell jus leave u again the moment a better deel comes along...

2007-10-17 20:08:07 · answer #1 · answered by Gold Digger 5 · 1 0

There are many reasons. The unfortunate thing is you'll probably never know the true reason or you may find out on your own or by someone else---both sources need to be questioned still. You will have distrust in her so you, yourself is not a good source. She may have been bored in the relationship sexually and met someone and she soon realized after the romance sizzled and then faded away it wasn't worth the loss of marriage. since you have had time and lots of great times I'm sure.
You can continue to dwell on it or you can move forward but there are not options in between. You can chose to believe her or not. What does she tell you? If she says nothing, well, nothing isn't good enough. You need some explanation, even if it's a lie. Then, you can either chose to believe her or not. Again, up to you. Counseling may help open things up and resolution but time will be the only healer because it hurts to be betrayed. Does she have a substance abuse problem that has lead her to disappear? All these issues must be put out there. You do need an explanation. If you can't believe her and the relationship doesn't come back to some normalcy then it's inevitable it wonlt work. It may work, but the two of you won't be happy again, unless you forgive and move on, do counseling, and /or the effort is there by BOTH people.

Good luck.
It is painful when you are married and all of sudden the person you married seems like someone else.
It's hard to forgive but ask yourself: Is it worth saving? If it is...move on and just love her even with the mistake she's made or don't and move on. Don't let the misery of her mistake ruin our life when love could be waiting for you bu her or another! Remember, it could be waiting by you--self love is a great thing : )

2007-10-17 20:17:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You know what? I wouldn't be so quick to continue. It is obvious that you are having a very hard time overlooking the hurt and betrayal. Don't think of how this will affect her in any way. She didn't when she left. I think that you need time to heal. If she has to walk out to change, maybe it is for the best that she goes her own way. What is going to happen the next time she feels she needs a change? She needs to give you the space to decide if this is the path you want to travel again. Marriage should not be taken so lightly that one feels they can walk out and back in at their desire. I hope you can make the choice that ease your pain whatever that may be. Only you know for sure what you can endure. I wish you all the best.

2007-10-17 20:11:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

The problem with a woman leaving is she may not feel she has explored her potential wants to see what she can accomplish alone. They get interested in other people and realize they had it better at home. To accept her back is a hard thing because it feels like a threat to your masculinity. If the circumstance of her leaving is a mystery you want to solve you must consider weather you want to ask a question that may hurt your feelings. if you accept the fact that she came back in earnest you should not confront her about the past and bring conflict into the whole relationship. Don't ask a question that could hurt your feelings and she will respect you for it and be a better partner.

2007-10-17 20:13:53 · answer #4 · answered by boworl 4 · 0 0

You don't tell us too much .
Maybe you aren't the most wonderful husband .
A lot of responsibility falls on women in a marriage , which is taken for granted by men .
Many women today marry older , after some years of independance . After they have been married for a bit , had some children , they are bored and want to enjoy their former freedom . It is understandable that you were hurt and felt betrayed ; perhaps you should ask yourself whether you were a model husband and companion .
You don't have to permit her to stay .

2007-10-17 20:19:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

The question is, do you still love her? Were you happy during the 8 years? Are their children involved? These would be reasons for trying to make a go of it. If your relationship was stormy, and she was cheating on you, that would affect your decision. I would suggest you insist she get a physical to make sure she hasn't come back with STD's. It will take awhile to build up your trust in her again, but it can be done. Perhaps you two should seek counseling. Good luck! I do believe in marriage.

2007-10-17 20:07:39 · answer #6 · answered by Kitty39 6 · 0 0

Apparently, she took you for granted somewhere down the line. She did not respect you if she walked out on you. Certainly, it is hard to trust her now. You should sit down and talk with her. Put the pressure on her. Let her know that if she's changed, she has to win your trust back. She must show signs of her changing before you can let her walk back into your life. Apparently, she must have left to look for greener grass on the other side, but she found nothing but brown! So, you deserve stability, honesty, and someone that will be there for you. Tell her to prove that she's changed. If she really has changed, she will. Good luck!

2007-10-17 20:06:34 · answer #7 · answered by WonderGirl 3 · 0 0

Find out why she left in the first place, and make sure that the problem has been resolved once and for all before you take her back, if you still want to. Mke sure that you let her know that this is the first and last time you are going to take her back, so she had better decide what she wants right now!!

2007-10-17 20:03:44 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0 0

you have those urges via fact which you're human. and because you're nevertheless youthful. And no count number how previous you're or what gender you're, you will nevertheless observe and be interested in persons, via fact which you're alive! Frankly you will possibly no longer relatively be waiting to 'cool down' with your gf. It looks such as you desire to be a common youthful guy and revel interior the enterprise of many diverse females. you could no longer extremely end those urges exceptionally at your age, no longer asserting which skill you're an uncontrollable beast or something, basically that biologically speaking, it relatively is organic. As you become older, you may locate which you're waiting to be certain to a minimum of one lady for a life-time. that's a super, vast deal and takes a extensive volume of artwork. definite, it relatively is well worth it, to me...yet to no longer all of us. there is not any longer something incorrect with staying uncommitted, in spite of everything. once you're waiting to truly commit, you will understand that persons could turn your head for a 2d, yet you have the skill to beat those actual urges and bodily and psychologically be honest on your companion. supply it time.

2016-10-07 03:45:19 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

It can be summed up in one word...patience.

Not "patients", as what doctors have.

Patience is what my new wife has in abundance.

My ex did what your wife did, and I was furious...but I contained my anger and then she proceeded with divorce and messed up the whole thing...kids too.


Then...later...I got lucky.

Hapilly married for over twenty years to my second wife, while my ex is still floundering and moving from apartment to apartment.

Patience, my man...and the belief that you can both build a better tomorrow...like that old Chinese proverb that says...

A journey of 100 miles begins with the first step.

Make that first step the right step!

2007-10-17 20:08:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I am not sure what would have made her walk out. It could have been another man or she could have just gotten scared and ran. You should seek some marriage counseling so you and she can work through all your feelings if you want to be with her.

2007-10-17 20:04:36 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 0 0

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