forgive or forget?

Question

do your forgive a person or do you forget the hurt/ the person??

i never seem to be able to forgive the person...and i don't seem to be able to forget the hurt...i just 'move on' with it...continue being in a relationship with that person and act as though it nevr happened...but if i ever get reminded about the hurt...its still fresh.

OH! i DO learn from that mistake ofcourse..i just don't let the other person(who hurt me) see the difference.

Answer 1

It's pretty much impossible to forget the hurt and the person if you haven't forgiven them. You can forgive and not forget, but you can't forget and not forgive.

Answer 2

Forgiveness is different than reconciliation or trust. If the person is sincere and you want to continue the relationship, resolve the issue but don't forget the lesson. Remeber we all make mistakes so try to forget the hurt and focus on the future. However, if they aren't someone you think you should be reconciled with, never forget your experience (it's a lesson) but try to let go of the pain (for you-not them).

Answer 3

In relationships when somebody has hurt you, once or twice, it is easier to forgive and forget. But if your partner continues to hurt you it just brings all the other times that he/she has hurt you back to the surface again.

It is important to clear the air with your partner when an issue or dispute arises and not just let things go, otherwise, your partner may think it is ok to continue to treat you the way that they do. In other words you are letting them get away with their poor behaviour which is unacceptable.

If you forgive but later remember what that person has done and the experience is still painful then you have not truly forgiven that person, and may still have some unresolved issues in which you need to work through.

It is best not to bottle things up but rather talk with your partner about how you feel. Sometimes it takes courage to talk things through because you may feel that you will lose your partner. But supressing your feelings is not healthy and in the long term could build up feelings of bitterness and resentment because things are continuing in your relationship pretty much as normal.

It takes two people to make a relationship work. Remember that you have as much right to air your views regarding any issues that you may have as much as your partner does. If you care a lot about your partner and want your relationship to work then you are going to have to work through your issues and that means discussing things with your partner. If you don't tell your partner how you feel then how is your partner going to know if he/she has done something wrong?

Sometimes it may mean that you have to move on because that relationship is not right for you, or the person is not right for you.

Look after yourself and be your own best friend.

Blessings x

Answer 4

The pain from the hurt will melt away until it is renewed. and if you are staying with someone that renews it from time to time you must move on to a safer place.

Forgiving will release the pain of an event. but if the events keep coming I am afraid there can't be any release.

The only answer I have is to move to a place where you have only your self and maybe the closest one in your life and let the hurt melt a little then forgive and begin to live.

Answer 5

Forgetting is very difficult because of the hurt caused but if you can learn to forgive the person who hurt you then you help yourself because it stops it festering inside you. Being with the person who hurt you is obviously going to reinforce the original hurt. It sounds as if you are afraid to stand up to the person and let your feelings about what they have done come out. This means it is held inside of you as repressed anger which is not good for you emotionally or psychologically.

Answer 6

How can that person know that it hurt you and how can they then avoid doing it again? You don't give them a chance to change, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt. I would bet that you are like me, in the fact that I hate confrontation. So, I would rather just let it go than deal with it. But then I explode, and totally terminate the relationship, and they are scratching their head thinking I am way off the deep end. Open up and talk to people. If they are intentionally doing things to hurt you, forget the person.

Answer 7

Forgiving is easier but not forgetting and without forgetting ,forgiving is never complete.So,in real terms,what ever we may say,forgiving is just a clever way of attempted suppression of a memory, which doesn't succeed.Most of us continue with our relationships in a way similar to the manner you mentioned. But that is actually neither here nor there.

Answer 8

Forgiveness is a virtue that you learn. Hard to do but worth the effort. And as far as forgetting, well you never really do but time makes it easier to deal with. You have to put it in the back of your mind and think about the good things and fun times with this person.

Answer 9

Forgiveness is solid bit I in simple terms forgive and ill never act the comparable around them my mom used to hit ne while i replaced into 3 and that i do no longer believe her I do something in the back of her lower back so I in simple terms forgive yet I additionally forget!

Answer 10

The bible says you must forgive. But don't be foolish. Permission is not the same as forgiveness. If the hurt is fresh, you hadn't had the capacity to forgive without resentment. Forgetting is key. God throws our repentant sins "into the sea of forgetfullness." We must do the same thing. Visualize THAT and then do it. Otherwise, you haven't forgiven. It is so KEY to forgive!