This person has been extremely hurtful and is very distrustworthy. They consistently break promises. They have never apologized for things or tried to make it right. I feel so hurt around them and horrible memories flood my mind. I have no choice but to see them. In other bad situations, I have been able to move on by pretty much forgetting and having no further contact with hurtful people. This has been over 12 years of hurt-if I try to give them another chance, I just get hurt over and over. I want to trust but can't. Also, I know I need to forgive for myself as they probably don't care and I know it is hurting me the most. How can I get rid of these bad feelings? I want to make peace but also be safe.
2007-10-17 19:49:22 · 6 answers · asked by itry 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You can forgive someone without liking them. You're right. It doesn't bother them that you're hurting. It's just making you miserable. If you dwell on this you will miss out on so much more. And I'm sure that person is not worth all that. Just resolve in your heart to never trust that person again, but you have to let what they did to you go. It helps to talk about it. If you need to scream and get mad, then do it. But don't let them hurt you any further by dwelling on the situation.
2007-10-17 19:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard to do this. But with time, you will be able to. The first step is to put whatever brought you this pain out of your mind. Assure yourself that you are above this. It is humiliating to suffer hurt all the time, but just remind yourself that this person can be forgiven. Just because you forgive a person doesn't mean that you have to keep them in your life. Your daily life does not revolve around someone that hurts you. If it did, you'd be gone away from the earth. But hang in there and with time, you can put the hurt away, and will have forgiven this person. Best wishes!
2007-10-17 20:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by WonderGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving does not mean that you are going to give them more chances to hurt you. As you say, you should forgive them, not for them, but for your own good. When you don't forgive you become a slave to your resentment. It's one thing to forgive and another to admit those people into your life again. Why do you say that you must have continuing contact with them. Do you live with them? How old are you? Are they your parents? If you are old enough to move, move. If it is a work situation, get another job. Are they acquaintances? Drop them. Dont give them another chance? You do not have to put yourself in their path so they can hurt you again. Being good and kind does not mean being a push over or a door mat. You can forgive them, but you do not have to admit them in your life again.
2007-10-17 20:05:11 · answer #3 · answered by toybreaker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is my theory. If someone is in your life, they have to have a reason for being there, a reason that YOU sign off on. This applies to family as well. Try to think of it this way: What does this person add to your life? If you met this person just randomly somewhere, would you add them to your life at all? Your life is what you make it, and you can't allow people to hurt you just because you feel obligated to have contact with them. You either take charge, or embrace misery... your choice
2007-10-17 19:58:41 · answer #4 · answered by Ellie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you like all these answers? They are pretty good really....
I have embraced a new system of thought where I see things the way I would like them to be. Some old hurts resurface from time to time, and I no longer give them my attention. I no longer attract negativity into my life; I'm too busy making myself happy! (...MAKING myself.. no one is handing it to me.)
Jerry Seinfeld said, "Living well is the best revenge".
I choose to live well, and it appears that you have the resources to make this choice too!!!
Best wishes.
2007-10-17 20:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by flip33 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have found myself in the same situation,if you really cant avoid contact with them,then be polite and pleasant,nothing more never trust them again,never give them anything of yourself,and never initiate contact other than what is absolutely necessary.forgive yourself you have done nothing wrong you are guilty of trusting someone who abused your trust thats all.dont give them another chance for your own self respect,move on you
will find someone worthy of you ,one day!
2007-10-17 20:06:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋