I am 28 years old and for a long time I never wanted to have kids. However, I have been lucky enough to find the man I have been looking for....finally. I know he wants to have a baby with me. But, I have a brain tumor that is causing my pcos to get worse...to the point Im not ovulating. I have been to numerous doctors and they all say the same thing...I shouldnt do this to my body. I know he wont leave me because he loves me, plus he has kids from his prior marriage. But I badly want to share this with him. Do you think I am taking anything from him?
2007-10-17 19:34:39 · 13 answers · asked by specialpromise 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Im not being selfish, I did not clarify, Im sorry. Its not unhealthy for the baby, just my body
2007-10-17 19:54:20 · update #1
There are many options if you really want a baby with him. You could look into surrogate mothers. You may have seen a movie or a television show about surrogate mothers taking the baby away from the family she was going to give the baby to, but that's not common at all. It's generally a great option for people who cannot or should not conceive. Have you also thought about adoption? It can be just as fulfilling!
My mother had a tumor in her pituitary gland and she couldn't ovulate because of it. The docs all told her she'd never have babies. After years and years, she finally got pregnant with me. She treated her tumor with pills that shrunk it down to pretty much nothing. Not only did she give birth to me, but she also had my brother. :) I just want you to know that what doctors "recommend" or "say" may not always be right. My mom also went to numerous docs and they all said the same thing about her not being able to get pregnant and that she shouldn't. I'd really sit down with the docs and weigh in on the risks of you getting pregnant. Have you tried every treatment possible for your condition? I don't know much else about your tumor... whether it's benign or malignant. My mother's was benign, so she might have a completely different situation than yours.
Anyway, you have a good man. If you REALLY want a child with him, I think you should definitely explore your options. I don't think you're "taking anything away from him" by not being able to have a child... but I think both of you might always have that little void that never got filled.
2007-10-17 19:46:36 · answer #1 · answered by Cochy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I'm 27 years old and I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been together for 8 years now and he has always wanted to have a child. But because of my health condition (incurable cancer) I too cannot have a baby. When we were younger it wasn't a big deal. But now that we are older the desire to expand our family is undeniable. I feel terrible that I can't give him something that he has been dreaming of for so long. So I understand how you feel. However, I know he understands and wouldn't love me any less if this never happens for us. And I'm sure your husband feels the same way. As much as he would want a baby he wouldn't want anything to happen to you to have one. It's not my fault and it's not your fault. Life just dealt us a crappy hand and we have to make the best of what we have. The most important thing is to concentrate on getting better. You can beat this! And you still have plenty of time to have a baby later. Best wishes!
2007-10-17 20:34:26 · answer #2 · answered by atn23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should make sure that having a baby won't kill you. Your doctors know what is best for you with your compromised health.
You aren't taking anything away from him. Having a baby is a lifetime commitment. If you die soon after the baby is born, is he capable of bringing up baby by himself, in addition to the other kids?? Or how about you getting pregnant and the pregnancy kills the both of you?? He will have to live with the guilt of this.
Think on this hard.
Having a baby is a life changing event. I have 3 grown children and 2 grandsons, so I know what I'm talking about.
2007-10-17 19:43:49 · answer #3 · answered by Debra S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Think of your health first. I know what you mean. I felt the same way about my husband, (when we were married). I wanted to have his boy. He had tons of girls (two with me). But I had a health condition that wouldnt allow me too. He didnt understand. It hurt me. But when I looked into why I wanted to have this baby boy so badly as you share the same feeling, I came to discover that I was not secure with our relationship and a little threatened by his previous relationship because they share a son (not biological) and I felt they were connected like this. Once I recognized that he will be connected with me without a boy of our own if he wants to be and it has nothing to do with baby, then I was able to make a more sane decision and think about my health. Good lluck. and dont feel so threatened and think about yourself.
2007-10-17 19:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not have a baby at the expense of your health. He already has kids. Have you asked him if it bothers him that you can't have any? He might not care. If he does care that you cannot he is not the man of your dreams. Ask him and if he does not care stay with him and make the most of your life without the baby. You have his children to love.
2007-10-17 20:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to marry a girl who cannot give me kids. I love her and she loves me. I will not turn down love for ANY reason.
Love him. He loves you. You would be taking something from him if you didn't marry him! God Bless You Both!
You sound like an awesome girl! He is a lucky guy!
2007-10-17 19:41:11 · answer #6 · answered by Alvin York 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hon, you could be taking you from him.
If the doctors all say this is not a safe thing to be doing, well listen to them.
Be the very best step mom you can be to his kids, and treat them like your own.
Also, trust the doctors but have faith In God.
2007-10-17 19:40:02 · answer #7 · answered by kitty 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If having a baby could be dangerous for you, possibly deadly then would you really want to leave him without you and with a child on his own? That would be hard for him to deal with.
2007-10-18 00:09:10 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you know that he won't leave you because he loves you. And because he loves you, he wouldn't want you to be hurt in any way. Just enjoy the time you have with him. My prayer is that you will be healed somehow and all of your dreams come true.
2007-10-17 19:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by Chiksita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one second stop thinking about yourself and think about the child you are considering bringing into the world. Your doctors told you that you aren't healthy enough to reproduce. You cannot be a good parent and be that selfish.
2007-10-17 19:39:02 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋