Why isn't love enough?

Question

My bf and I cant seem to get along to save our relationship. I know for me I am scared to trust him again, and I suspect that he feels the same.

I know it sounds corny but we have talked about "letting go" and not being afriad but no one wants to be the one to go first and like I said we've lost trust to believe that the other would 'let go' at the same time.

I know that there is no way to get back to where we were before the trust was lost, but is there any way to get past a loss of trust and back to that place where love matters? Or does the love diappear when the trust is gone?

Answer 1

love is submission. trust is essential for love. no trust means no love.. mere passion is not love.

Answer 2

You really cant have a healthy long lived relationship with someone you don't trust. What you should probably do is take a big step back, give each other a break, then see about rebuilding a trusting friendship, and if you still love each other, hopefully that friendship will turn back into a relationship. As you have already experienced, just because someone has hurt you, your love for them doesn't just evaporate, but a relationship is usually based on many things beside love, like trust, money, children, sexual compatibility, religion,,, and so on and so on.... You are the only person that can decide on what your relationship foundation will be built of (Love and Trust + ??????)
Hope this helped
R.M.

Answer 3

The love is there but it is like a fire that is dying after someone poured water on it -The lack of trust -dying off except for a few embers which if nursed correctly will grow back into the fire. A lot of this depends upon your age in this case because if you are too young you may still be learning what that love is, so the best thing to do is to first be friends and if you are old enough to be thinking of marriage, some type of counseling to help bring the love back. The opposite of being hurt by another person because of trust issues, and being hurt, is to be faithful and have faith and if those two are strong enough the love will grow again. Good luck to you!!

Answer 4

Not to get all existential, but.......what is LOVE?

It's just a word. If trust disappears via cheating, then there never was Love. You just liked being around each other at the time. Here is a shocker that most people will guffaw at, but it is the truth:

Most people who are together, and for the moment, lets just consider married couples, are not really wholly in love with one another. They just like being around each other until their ADD kicks in. I'm sorry to say, but it is the way we have been programmed. Look at it this way: Nothing you ever possess in life is meant to last. Not a damn thing. You probably have the newest model of cell phone on you right now, and you one-year old DVD player needs to be replaced too. So, what do you expect from a relationship?

The new model is available now, go find it.

Answer 5

Of course, love and trust goes along. It's not enough to give love. You should also give trust and respect in order to let your relationship last. But going back to where love what matters most is a difficult thing to have because you both seem to cling on each other's mistakes. If you could just let the past go and start a new one, you know, forgive and forget, then everything will turn out just fine.

Answer 6

Love is just a word that people take to heart. Being "in love" is what you share at the beginning of a relationship but real love comes after the "in love" fades. Alot of people get the two mixed up and they think that feeling is love. but 2 years down the road you find yourself feeling empty again. Right now is your test to see if you two can survive a real relationship. Take this as a lesson learned and learn from it. Ask each other what could you do to make each other feel loved and try to do what that person asks. Trust is something people take for granted everyday, your friends, family, etc.. Has one of your best friends ever betrayed you and you forgave them and now your friends again? Try looking at your situation that way maybe...seek some counseling as well.. hope I helped.

Answer 7

Love can fade over time, but it never just disappears one day. Love isn't enough because we live in an unperfect world where there are so many potential negative stresses on a relationship. Also if you can't find a way to live together in peace and make a life work, compromise and all, love isn't going to do you much good. If you want trust back all you can do is work and share and slowly keep going.

Answer 8

Perhaps you need couple and individual counselling. Everbody is entitled to make mistakes. Doesn't mean the trust can never be there again. Perhaps take it as a lesson that in life, you can only depend on you, and you can never be too trusting. Never invest more than you are willing to lose....

Answer 9

Love isn't enough because so few people know what love is, or because love means something different to one person in a relationship from what it means to the other.

For example, is love "looking after a wife and providing for her" or is love "facilitating self-growth so she doesn't have to be looked after"?

It doesn't matter what people think love is, as long as the bf/gf or husband/wife have the same concept.

Answer 10

without trust there's nothing just cut the friendship off completely. There's no relationship going on there without love and TRUST!

Answer 11

Yes, and you can even attain a much higher, better place. It's called a mature relationship. Most people don't reach this level until they're at least 50 however.