if women abuse men and they hit them in selfdefense is that abuse?

Question

hi....i was in a relationship where i abused my boyfriend many times, and I don't like to admit it but i need answers. Anway I use to hit him very hard and sumtimes keep hitting him over and over again very hard, i knew it hurt becaus I left marks many times and he wud just take it.and not do anything, but on 3 different occasions in the span of like 5 months he defended himself and wud push me off and he hit me once each time and stopped quickly and wouldn't hit me no more. He this is the only time he did anything abuse to me and he went through alot of abuse he snapped like 3 times out of 20. Now he is telling me that he knows he was wrong n for hittin me but he only did it in self defense n wudn't hurt me nemore, what should I do, is he really abusive or is it my fault? like I said he only hit me three times n never so much as slapped me ne other times and it was all wen i was abusing him. Help.

Answer 1

wtf! no he is not abusive! sounds like you should be askin the question about yourself! he only hit you when you where beatin the crap out of him. you may have a prob. not him

Answer 2

Lots of people will give you all these great sounding, theoretical answers.

But reality is: you are abusive. And- you drove him over the edge.

What he did isn't right, but you are strange and honestly, I wouldn't put up with that nearly as well as he did.

Not only would I dump you, if you continuously me hit me (even if it didnt seriously hurt me), I'd throw you down a flight of stairs and THEN the relationship would be over.
This is because when I'm hit, or when most guys with an attitude are hit they flip out.
Most guys arent going to hit you first, but a lot feel under attack when being hit even by a "woman" (as if it matters what the sex of the person is who's hitting you anyway).

It really doesn't matter that you're a woman, but on the other hand if you act like a man you should get treated like one.

You are way wrong and he seems to have a lot of patience. He should dump you and stay away, and you need to CALM DOWN.

If you can't handle your feelings or emotions, walk away!!
If you don't, you will end up in jail, I promise you!

Do yourself a favor and leave this guy alone, don't get back together with him. You need to go take a walk, you should be disgusted with yourself.

Answer 3

It's your fault because you are an abuser. Why he hasn't pressed charges against you is a mystery to me. Or is that what you are counting on ... that he doesn't have you charged with abuse and you go to jail.

Don't you think it's time you get your head screwed on straight?

YOU ARE THE ABUSER! He pushed you to slap some sense into that thick scull of yours.

You are an over whelmingly abusive person. That's not bad enough, because I believe you are trying your damnedest, to make an abuser out of him. How sick is that?

Everyone sooner or later will protect themselves. How he put up with you this long ... have no answer. You might as well have nailed him to the cross.

Are you hearing who you are? You are in need of desperate help as soon as possible. You're going to have to leave the house and have yourself checked in for mental observation. you're a time bomb that has already gone off. I don't even want to think about what could happen next time. I read too many of these kinds of sad story's in the paper all the time. Am I going to read another sad story about you and/or him and find it in the O.B's?

Get yourself to a Mental Health facility, like right now and don't you dare change your mind. He to needs to see someone about staying in such an abussive relationship.

Are you leaving yet?

Answer 4

If you are hitting him and the only way he can make you stop is to hit you then YES its self defense. Here's the thing though. It doesn't matter how many times you have hit him If he hits you and the police are called He goes to jail. Yes its a double standard but its true. Its not fair and legally it should be YOU going to jail but that's the way it is. If you are hitting him then you need some anger management counseling. If your boyfriend was smart he would leave you and never look back. Physical abuse is just as wrong coming from a woman as it is a man. I suggest you seek help before you get your boyfriend wrongly put in jail.

Answer 5

Anybody, male or female, is entitled to use reasonable force to defend himself or herself. The law is a bit stacked in this regard, because males are generally bigger and stronger than females and if a woman gets hurt in a physical altercation it would look as if they male likely used excessive force to defend himself.

Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, in his attitude about domestic violence. My dad taught me four things--among a lot of other things.

1. You stand up straight when they sing "O Canada".
2. You don't talk during prayers.
3. You don't cross picket lines.
4. You don't hit women.

I think that a better question for you to have asked would have been, "Where can I get help to deal with my emotions?" You are smart enough, and a good enough person, to know that what you did was wrong, and that is a good start. God bless you and keep you.

Answer 6

It is not abuse if he was sincerely just trying to defend himself. You could not take this case to any sort of court or anything, because it would be you that got in trouble for hitting him way more than he hit you. This may not be the best possible relationship. Maybe you should get some sort of anger-management class to help you find a better way to be angry at him, instead of hurting him.

Answer 7

I'm no expert and I been raised in a way that hitting a women is bad but in the situation you're describing is probably the only way he found to counter back some repressed anger, I seriously recommend both of you to sit down and actually talk to each other and see what's bothering both of you.

Another thing if you want to get rid of some anger trust me there is no better thing that boxing in real life or in the Wii, I'm telling you that because that's the way I really get stressed out

Answer 8

An abuser initiates the hitting, whereas someone defending themself strikes out in response, as you said he did when he pushed you away to get you off of him. Seems like you both feed off of each other and while you initiate the abuse most times, that may prompt him to treat you likewise.

The good thing is that at least you RECOGNIZE that you are an abuser. That is the first step in getting help. If you think about it, your lives cannot be pleasant with so much anger and abuse going on. Hopefully you recognize it enough to seek help so that you don't do the same thing to future mates.

Happiness can be achieved, but it always takes work. I wish you the best of luck!
xo
ymmf

Answer 9

You are a batterer by legal description, and if your boyfriend called the police, you would be going to jail for domestic violence. You'd do good to get some help via a Women's Center to find out what is making you so angry that you take it out on your boyfriend and feel a need to push him to a point of finally reacting. By your description, seems your boyfriend is very self restrained and if he pushed you off of him in trying to leave the situation, then it could be self defense. If he hit you, it means he needs to learn how to deal with your abuse of him, by leaving and not hitting and if he wants to stay with you, by getting help for himself and supporting you in getting help for your anger and counseling together for how to avoid this behavior. You can get help and this problem is not as rare as it may seem to you.
He shouldn't hit you but learn to walk away and if that involves having to push you off of him to do so, that is self defense. Hopefully you can both work this out! Since this is so intense as you describe, you will need some help from professionals and a Women's Center is a good source of help and referral.

Answer 10

It sounds like self defense to me, personally I think times are changing and the attitude of women being beaten and men being the beaters is changing, there are more and more cases of abusive girlfriends and wives too. Honestly put yourself in his shoes, would you have hit him back if he was abusing you, I would call it self defense no matter the gender.

Answer 11

this is tough. I would say you are both wrong. Two wrongs dont make a right. You shouldnt be hitting someone you love. But from the guy standpoint you should never hit a woman.. EVER. Push you off, stop you from hitting him, hold you down, but not hit you back. If you can manage to not hit him anymore, and stop being violent then i'd say go for it!!