know that he is a good man, but he has made bad choices in the past as far as women are concerned, I will be wife # 2..But he has had a few engagements between the ex-wife and me..Which makes me wonder now, if its HIM or that he really has poor judgment..Also which makes this worse, is that his 8 year old son, is partial to my son, they have bonded, as have we..I love the kid like he was my own flesh and blood, so I am confused on what to do? Do I marry him with these doubts, or end the relationship, which will hurt everyone, including the kids, and I don't want that...but I dont want to be exwife #2....I do love him, but is that enough ?
Could I just be having "cold feet"?
2007-10-17 18:14:29 · 18 answers · asked by Mommy Dearest 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Back out before it's too late!
2007-10-26 05:17:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have reason to be cautious but it could be that the girls he was engaged to before you were a rebound from the divorce and he was not quite ready to commit himself to anyone yet. If it makes you feel better, get some pre-marital counseling beforehand but I suspect that it may just be the cautiousness and cold feet as well. It was once said by someone I don't recall that a first marriage that doesn't work out is still a success if it leads to a second marriage that does. Remember that you were sure until these questions occurred to you, and you are that second wife, so unless you find something radically wrong between now and then, go for it and be happy
2007-10-18 02:03:02 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are asking the impossible, make a list, one side have all the positives from getting hitched, on the other all the negatives. Bit like buying a car really. Regardless of the kids you are the one who will be living with this person and as such you are the one who needs to be happy and content. If not the kids will know. Then again it could just be marital jitters. Good luck whatever you do.
2007-10-18 01:20:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a common question when you are reaching your wedding day and may you think of many things. I guess you have to take control of your thoughts and make the right decision, whether to marry or not. You have to think about your future and how you see yourself as his wife. Btw, have both of you gone through some marriage preparation course or the like? Well if you have then I wish you all the happiness and love that you both can have and hope both of you do well in the marriage . Take care.
2007-10-18 01:21:20 · answer #4 · answered by Ashley 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see alot of red flags here with this guy, just the fact that he has been married and engaged so many times makes me think that he is not good husband material. Why not talk to or find out why he is divorced from the two other wives, and you dont want to hear it from him, you want to talk to the ex-wives themselves. And why did you go and get little kids involved with your love life? Now what happens if you bail out on this guy, or if he bails on you? You have just taken two inocent children and exposed them to your personal love life, thats not good nor is it fair. And no love is not enough! Right now you are at the begining of your relationship, this is when its gonna be at its best, your boyfriend is only showing you what you want to see, after you are married he may change and then you might just see the real reason you are gonna be wife #2 and fiance # 2 or 3 or 4? God only knows. They say that actions speak louder then words, stop listening to his words and pay more attention to his actions, and his actions show he is a man who jumps from one relationship to the other, I mean geez how many women has the guy bedded? Thats enough to scare me right out the door, and you have taken your child and exposed him to this man who from what I see takes on a new honey whenever it suites his needs. I think you may regret this, if I were you for the sake of your child, not his, be very careful, and check into his past a little more, they say a mans past is his future, so Id think before I leaped if I were you!
2007-10-18 01:40:37 · answer #5 · answered by penelope 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok in this situation it doesn't matter who you marry you can always end up as exwife #........ so you shouldn't always wonder about that because if you do then you will never marry. With his past people make bad decisions and then they learn from them so I don't think you have much to worry about. Also if you are having doubts like this you should talk to someone about them and maybe even talk to him about it. GOOD LUCK!
2007-10-18 01:20:06 · answer #6 · answered by Travis L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you are experienceing is a delayed case of "reality". You should have asked these questions before saying, "I will marry you." However, it is not too late. . . you are still not married and the concerns you have are valid one. Remember, in even unideal marriages, the man has to make decisions that will affect you life as well as his....if you are unable to influence his decisions, like a compromise at least, you are looking to have a lot of misery in your upcoming marriate. YOU BOTH NEED TO DISCUSS ALL ASPECTS OF WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM ONE ANOTHER IN MARRIAGE AND HOW BILLS WILL BE PAID AND CHILDREN RAISED TO BELIEVE WHAT? GET IT ALL OUT NOW....LOOK FOR FAULTS IN THE UNION AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR INABILITIES TO AGREE TO NOT AGREE IN PLESANTNESS. GOOD LUCK.
2007-10-18 01:44:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something....If you are not sure DON"T DO IT!!!
I really did not want to marry my first husband about a week before we were to be married and my Mom and Dad told me to call it off and I would not do it. THE BIGGEST MISTAKE in the world. He turned out to be the most god awful wife abuser I have ever see. We were married about 6 months and if I had not left when I did I would have been dead in a week.
Listen to THAT INSIDE VOICE. It tells the truth!!!
dottie
2007-10-18 02:14:15 · answer #8 · answered by dottie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Put everything on hold. Do not marry someone with any doubts. It is hard enough to hold a marriage together when there are no doubts. That little voice; that gut feeling is usually worth listening to.
2007-10-18 01:20:52 · answer #9 · answered by howdigethere 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have any doubts, you shouldn't get married, just put the wedding off for a little while until you feel you are ready, and that there are not going to be any mistakes.
2007-10-18 01:44:44 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everyone gets nervous and starts questioning are they doing the right thing,and if you have that many doubts stop and pray ask God is this the one for you he will give you an answer Be blessed Lisa
2007-10-18 11:15:09 · answer #11 · answered by God Child 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋