I have a certain negative image of myself. How do I change?

Question

This is what other people might think of me:

self-centered
low self-esteem
jerk
******
mean
funny
paranoid
big ego
narrow minded
insecure
bragger
very openly emotional
annoying
selfish
impatient
demanding

This is how I imagine people think of me. If anything this is how I see myself. How can I change these traits about myself?

Answer 1

Some of these traits aren't so bad, like funny for example. It doesn't matter how others label you, so long as you like yourself. If you don't like these traits, and you know they define you then I think you know what you do/say that makes these traits who you are. So whatever it is, stop doing it. Here's some tips, but ultimately you know what you have to change no one else can tell you or force you. It's on you.
-Self-centered: When you're in a situation that affects other people, put their feelings and benefits before your own. If someone wants to talk about themselves, pay attention.
-low self-esteem: Don't compare yourself to others. When a negative thought comes into mind, replace it with a positive. Know that noone is better than you, nor are you better than anyone else. Change what you don't like. Accept what you can't change.
-jerk/******/mean: Stop acting that way. Put yourself in others' shoes, and take into consideration how they feel and how you'd feel if you were in their place.
-funny: laughter is one of the best things in life
-paranoid: be cautious, but know that some things that are going to happen are out of your control. no one is watching you.
-big ego: how can you have low self-esteem and a big ego?
-narrow minded: when someone gives you a differing opinion or a different piece of knowledge, listen to it and check it out to see if it's true without automatically discrediting it. You're not always right, you're not God.
-insecure: don't care too much about what others think about you
-bragger: you brag because you're insecure, you don't need to prove yourself to anyone
-open emotionally- that's not that bad a trait, but some things you should keep to yourself. Just think before you speak
-annoying: whatever you find annoying about yourself you can change it
-selfish-see above "jerk"
-impatient: the world doesn't revolve around you or anyone else
-demanding: see "impatient"

Answer 2

Several of those traits are not negative, such as being funny and openly emotional. Others are self-contradictory, such as big ego and insecure.

Since the list is only an image, think of it as a photographic image. That is to say, it only captures the way you were at a given moment in time. Now take another mental picture of yourself. Take many, at better moments. A good photographer knows how to wait for the right moment to catch the subject at his best. Develop a positive image of yourself and try to start catching yourself being that way. Be creative about it. You can be whoever you want to be, and what others may project does not define you. But if you see people reflecting your new image by responding positively to it, then take mental pictures of that, too.

Only a small part of our personality is innate. The rest is available for constant remodeling. But ironically, sometimes it is easiest to change our self-concept when we forget about ourselves and focus on paying attention to others. If you think that counseling could help you, then think of the psychologist as your employee, not your alchemist. You will still be in charge.

Answer 3

Hmm. That's quite a list there. Rather than try to tackle all 16 that you listed, I'd suggest narrowing your list to the top 2 or 3 traits. Perhaps ******, jerk, mean, and low self-esteem and work on them.
For every trait you listed as a negative (other than azzhole, jerk, mean, low self-esteem) there is a positive side to possessing that particular trait depending on the circumstances, situation you find yourself in and what is required of you. Donald Trump has a big ego and he's rich and famous. A lot of people have big egos. Funny...if you can make people laugh, that's a plus. A lot of people are selfish and impatient at times and demanding at times and annoying at times and insecure at times and openly emotional and self-centered. Although they might not admit it.
So don't be so hard on yourself. You're human. No one's perfect.

Answer 4

Not all of those traits that you mentioned are bad. More important is do you like what you see when you look in the mirror.
Maybe you need to find a new circle of friends if you keep receiving negative remarks.
Lots of possibilities as people may be jealous of you. At the end of the day, can you honestly say that you did anything to anyone that could cause you to feel negative?

Answer 5

That is how U imagine it but do U think it is true? One thing that U need to make sure is...U must be honest with yourself or...U can get some help from your close friends or siblings that U are trusted & ask what do they think about U. Everyone has good & bad side. Probably your good side been shadowed or not yet brought out from yourself.But one thing for sure is...U are not a confident person b'cos U ask this question. But U realized it...so I don't think U are such a bad person. The first step is to realize what exactly that trouble U to ask this type of question.If there is some bad attitude, try to change it for your own sake, ok? good luck !

Answer 6

First: Communication. The best (and hardest) thing you can do is start talking to everybody about how you feel, and creating the person you want to be. I'm sure you have your good days, and know who that person is, but you have to create that person in language. Distinguish it for yourself and communicate it with friends and family. Start with topics you are comfortable with, and people you are comfortable talking to. Then expand your way out. Eventually, you should have at least one friend that you can tell absolutely anything. And I mean ANYTHING - good and bad.

Another important trait is integrity; honesty. Often, the weaknesses in one's personality are reinforced by constantly lying to others. I'm not really talking about big lies, I'm talking about those small little lies that people tell to make themselves look good. It's a very simple thing to do. Not easy, but simple. For me, I had to be real intentional about it. I was shocked by how often I was actually lying. The more I told the truth, the easier it was, and the better I felt about myself. But it seemed really hard at first.

The third thing you can do, and this is one that I haven't mastered yet, is to try your best to understand someone else's viewpoint. Don't hold them to perfection and show a little empathy. This is an especially difficult trait to perfect when you are at conflict with someone. It's hard for me to know when to be empathetic, and when to take a stand. Another thing to keep in mind that is on this topic: you are not the only one that has the problems that you listed above. As a matter of fact, MOST people feel that way, and think they are the only ones who feel that way.

Personally, I use to have a pretty disabling case of social anxiety disorder. It took me a good 4 years of practicing those three things until I finally started being the person that I want to be. And it wasn't until I realized that I actually LIKE having social anxiety disorder on some weird level. Then, I started feeling more comfortable with myself.

hope that helps

Answer 7

I think the underlying problem is *INSECURITY* . It is probably coming from things that started in childhood . These other things are self defense mechanisms ( security blankets) for your insecurity .
Try to figure out why you became an insecure person . Then tell yourself "I can become secure . I will become secure as I change the traits I see as negative into traits I see as positive ." Tell yourself "I will be happy when I feel secure , therefore I will feel happy as I change or eliminate those negative traits ."

Answer 8

Very well! An capacity to get one again to the constructive objectivity that leads rather of follows. Keep it up. In this global in these days simply that by myself is the satisfactory asset to have. Never quit. Life will throw you a few truly well demanding situations. And with an angle like that you are going to conquer all of them. I don't have any recommendations as to how to do that as it's yours by myself to make a decision the way you desire to reside. But as of now in my view you would do no greater. I too have a process to refresh myself whilst I get tired of such constructive vigor. I have in my little lawn inside a location in which I move and dig up out of myself extra constructive vigor. It is there. A small shovel complete and I am well for decades. The vigor of constructive considering and all. It works and is the mission that faces us all.

Answer 9

I have some words of wisdom to share with you.

If you will read these words often you will have a desire to improve your being and really like who you are.

Others will begin to change their opinion of you.

I love this piece and hope you will too.

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars, you have the right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Attributed to Max Ehrmann 1927

Thanks for the question.

Answer 10

You could have stopped after "self-centered". Work a bit on becoming "other-oriented", such as charitable deeds with absolutely no personal recognition (don't tell anyone who'd be impressed). Then stop making lists about yourself.