How do I tell my Husband our marriage is over?

Question

I have been married for 5 years with one child, our marriage has gone down hill and we have drifted and fight all the time, we basically live separate lives and have not had sex in 5 months. We still spend time with our child together as a family, because we don't want her to feel the tension etc. We have been to counselling and it helped for a while but things went back to the old ways. We can't talk without fighting and we don't know each other anymore. I can't see myself spending the next 40 or 50 years with him, but yet I am scared to say it is over, because of my child, I will turn her little world up side down and am I being totally selfish in wanting to be happy. I don't know how to approach this.
My husband is a good guy and a great father, I know we are better off as friends, but I know if we do break up that won't happen as he will have alot of anger. Also we are both from European families which makes it so hard, as they do not believe in divorce. Advice please!

Answer 1

you really need to have a heart to heart with your husband,it is not selfish to want happiness but, for your childs sake try to remain friends,don't be cruel and mean spirited, please do not use your child as a pawn. Divorce is very painful, I know mine was final in feb.07, it was horrible my husband was just ruthless turned my kkkids against me and litterally hates me.So please be respectful of each other ,as for your family they need to be supportive of you, sometimes we have to put our beliefs aside, I don't believe in divorce either, but i am.Also try to get more counceling there is a group called Divorce busters they help people learn how to fight and use anger positively. God Bless all of you Best of Luck

Answer 2

You are not being selfish by wanting to be happy. i know your thinking about your child but thats not a good enough excuse to stay together. Fighting and arguments will be more traumatizing for her and it will give her the idea that thats the way a marriage is. As long as you guys end it on a good not and the father continues to be in her life, it won't be so bad. He probably will be hurt at first but if things are as bad as you say, he should understand, why would he want to stay. And the last thing you should be worried about is what other people think. You need to do whats best for your family. Good luck.

Answer 3

I believe both of you need to sit down and have a talk... I truly know exactly what your feeling because I have the same thoughts from time to time. My husband I are seeking counseling right now and its seems that we fight more.But I am willing to try any thing to save our marriage as you are. The counselor gave us a book to read called The 5 love languages. In this book it gives you insight about how to communicate with your spouse to make them feel loved. It explains that in love is a feeling that we spouses have in the beginning but usually doesnt last no longer than 2 yrs tops. Then what? Well you have to learn to love because nobody stays on the in love high forever. Things can be rekindled, and your problems may not end but youll learn to deal with them better when you feel loved by your spouse. Ive just finished reading it and the name of it is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. See if you can pull it up online or buy it somewhere or go to the library. If you like for me to tell you more about it email me at [e-mail]... Thanks and I hope I helped...

Answer 4

Your child is very young, so she will adapt a lot easier if you divorce now.
She is probably already picking up on the tension in the house anyway. She will feel the relief when you do.
Divorce is just a "reset"... you are acknowledging that you have either made a mistake to begin with, or have outgrown each other.
You and your husband each deserve to be happy... approach it like that.

Answer 5

If you have tried the counseling and it hasn't worked...and you have done everything that you can possibly do to keep your marriage intact...and still nothing has worked....then perhaps it is time for divorce.....You shouldn't stay in a marriage for the sake of a child.....children are much smarter then we give them credit for....they have a way of finding out that their parents are basically just living together...and that the love is gone.....Chidren are much better off in a happy home...even if that means that their parents are no longer together....

Answer 6

You are not selfish to want to be happy. Your little girl will also be more happy. They see, hear and feel more than we think they do. I would just ask him why the two of you are still together. Tell him that you think that it would be better for all three of you if you weren't. Tell him that you think he is a good guy and a great father but the reality of it is that you are not happy and do not want to spend the rest of your life like this. He probably agrees. Do not worry about your family. Think of your happiness and that of your little girl. Your family will get over it. Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm sure he wants out too. Since you tried counseling, and you two are still unable to solve your issues without resentment and rage, it didn't take, did it? Try another couples' counselor???????????? You two have a child who never asked to be born. For sure it's time for the both of you to step to the plate, and be parents. That doesn't necessarily mean that you must remain married, but the workings of your failing marriage ought never to be discussed with your child... never. What you tell your child is minimal... maybe something like you and he are not going to live in the same place for awhile( after of course you tell him.).... each of you is taking a vacation without the other... and your husband has to agree that he will see her often....

There's all sorts of ways to tell your husband that you want to no longer be his wife, but he will always be the father to the child you both created.
"George, I feel you are about as unhappy in this marriage as I am, and our marriage lacks so much. There has to be someone else out there with more in common with you that me......" and you just sort of take it from there....
Not gonna be pleasant, hon, no matter how you word it.....

Answer 8

The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave. And, expect the worst when you do leave. You will suddenly become an unfit mother, and anything else him or his family can come up with to mar your reputation. Even so, it is better for a child to have 2 happy parents in 2 separate places, than 2 unhappy parents in one house. good luck!!!

Answer 9

well if you dont want to keep living that kind of life and youve tried everything to keep it on track.. maybe its time to pack it in. if you do get a divorce make sure you talk to the child together and let them know that both of you will always be there for her.. you will just be living in 2 houses. ask her if she has questions and try to answer truthfully but not to much details..dont fight in front of her also.. she needs to know you both love her and you well always be there for her.. good luck

Answer 10

getting a divorce will be really hard for you. not only will he be upset...your family and friends will also be upset and look down on you....cuz divorce is not accepted in your culture.

just think about what comes with divorce....before you make up your mind.

why dont you sit down and talk to your hubby and see if there is anything new he can offer to help make things better for you two. if he doesnt and he wants a divorce too....then go for it.