when we talk about are future togher we always use the word ours ( our kids, our house, our backyard) but when he talks to his family and friends it suddenly becomes HIS house,HIS cars and when HE has kids. this really hurts that he says these things infront of me....is this a sign of the future that he really doesnt want to commite to haveing another person to share his life with?
2007-10-17 17:24:20 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From a guy's point of view it sounds like you have nothing to be worried about. Girls have this amazing ability to completely over analyze things and end up driving themselves nuts over nothing. If he talks about a future with you that is a really good sign that his is going to share that future. When he talks to hid family or friends, he is saying "His" because its a man thing. Think about guys that are married and have houses, kids, etc. They usually don't say "our family" "our home" unless they are talking to their wives. Its a male power thing and he is proud that he has that future with you. He wants to have "his kids" and "his home". Just take it with a grain of salt and everything will work out. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-17 17:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to have to agree with Al B on this one. I recently got out of an abusive relationship with someone who was just like that. Of course before you live together everything will be "ours" but I promise you this when you live together everything will be his. The first arguement you get into he will let you know LOUD and clear that it is his house!!! Doesnt matter if you pay the bills or your name is on the lease/deed it is his and that is the bottom line. Whatever you do DO NOT move in with this man. You need to make sure he does not have a controlling personality and only time will tell you this. Controlling men are sweeter than wine in the beginning and will put on the fake face but when you are alone with him in "his house" the mask comes off and there is nobody to witness his controlling nature but you and it stings.
2007-10-18 11:50:23 · answer #2 · answered by fantasy gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's really a sign of insecurity. He wants to show what HE has. You should let him know LOUD AND CLEAR that if he isn't a team player then he should take off the jersey and throw in the towel because your life is at stake and you aren't going to waste your time while he's bragging at the end zone and you are calmly running in the touchdown. This is all about teamwork and he better get with the program.
Say it loud and say it proud sister! lol.
and p.s. learn to spell.. if you are going to marry a fence then I hope you "board" enough to sit around all day. ba-dum-bum.
2007-10-18 00:32:02 · answer #3 · answered by mosaic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mike great response!!
The fact is He is affirming you when he calls things "his" to his family and friends. Life sometimes is about our ego, he has now found something that allows him to interact with others about his future {you are the something and the house, the kids, the cars are the future}. If him saying things this way "hurts you" I suspect there are emotional self esteem issues you need to resolve or you are going to hate being married. Me thinks you are a spoiled princess by your reaction!
2007-10-18 00:33:55 · answer #4 · answered by Roll_Tide! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend does it too. I think it's just a language thing, he doesn't realize it or mean anything by it. My boyfriend and I are going on a cruise in January and he'll talk about it by saying when HE goes away, even when he's talking to me about it. It's weird and I wasn't happy with it either at first but if you jokingly say 'Whose house?' with a laugh and a smile, he might get the point.
2007-10-18 15:23:48 · answer #5 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one thing is you have to go to school and learn to spell. Because if this marriage happens and you get divorced, you will need a good job to support yourself. If not for that, just to better yourself, dont spell having as haveing. So... on to the real answer: well he is talking to people HE knows so maybe he's not used to saying OURS yet. Ask him why he does that. he may just say sorry and that he didnt think of it! OR that he likes to look like he is in control in front of his family--- you know.. he's THE MAN! Some guys love that. It's lame but they love feeling like they are the boss or pretending they are. We all know women rule most households :)
2007-10-18 00:28:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are reading something into this that just isn't there. I think he has always talked to his family about just him and doesn't even realize what he is saying. If he has introduced you to his family as his fiancee then you are HIM when he speaks to his family.The house I live in is MY house its in MY name only. I got it Thur an inheritance which means it is only mine. But my wife refers to it as HER house to her family. I don't let it bug me. I really don't think you have a problem. With all good relationships communication is very important. So talk to him about it . Tell him how you feel. I bet he doesn't even realize he is doing that and he surely doesn't know it bugs you.
2007-10-18 00:33:25 · answer #7 · answered by chuck t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really dont think your fiance means you any harm. it is probably just bec when he talks to his family and friends, he's more focused on giving details of what he plans to do in the future, it's just like a given thing to everyone (and to him of course!) that you are of course in it,too.
i dont think he would propose to you if he's not in love with you and is not ready for commitment. however, if this thing really bothers you, i guess it's ok to discuss this thing with him at this early stage so as to avoid being hurt and feeling left out in the future. im sure your fiance will understand you.
2007-10-18 00:37:29 · answer #8 · answered by j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When a guy talks to his friends and or family he wants everyone to think that he has total charge over everything. That does not mean that he wants to leave you out of the decision process. It is just an ego problem with men.
2007-10-18 00:29:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's only his choice of words. He's after all, referring to himself when he's speaking to HIS friends and family. That's all. Don't get too psychoanalytical. Or else you will sound like the girl who received the blender as a gift in Father Of The Bride.
2007-10-18 00:31:13 · answer #10 · answered by MWestbrook 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋