After only 1 year, how do you bring yourself to get a divorce? I've only been married for less than 1 year. We've tried everything, and it just doesn't work. I've always been kind of against divorces, but there's no way around this. I made a mistake, and that's it. How can I bring myself to cope with this? My husband REFUSES to work any job, no matter what the pay is, and he's bipolar and an alcoholic. Any suggestions?
2007-10-17 17:02:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just so you know, I was madly in love with him before we got married. But, now, with all that we've been through because of his stupidity, it's not the same at all. I love him to death, but I'm not 'I'n love" with him. Does that makes sense???
2007-10-17 17:21:56 · update #1
I'm sorry you are having to go through this. First off, I would say to present it to him on a day he has been most stable, whether or not there are kids involved, if you have explored all your other options, the divorce would be the answer.
I say this because if there were kids involved, sometimes it is better to go ahead and accept the separation (and supposing there is a child involved you've been married a year, so the child is young and any explanation could come later, even perhaps at a better time) than to "try to work it out and expose the child to an even more dangerous environment.
It is rare that we recommend separation, but in some cases like alcoholism, mental disabilities, and more than likely abuse, that would be the greater deed to do.
If you have explored other options and he refuses professional help then do what is best for you, you can still suggest he seek help and in some time possibly reconciliate but until then your safety and welfare is at stake.
Be well, be careful, choose wisely.
2007-10-17 17:14:30 · answer #1 · answered by Wandering Dragon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get angry and get out.
There is no point in making yourself miserable and stressed out while supporting this leach. You definitely do not want to have kids with him... and that possibility increases the longer you are with him. If he won't work now, you won't see child support later.
Divorces are cheap. Go to the book store and get the latest DIY divorce guide and start downloading the forms from the state website, fill them out, and take them down to the county courthouse with a couple hundred dollars. It will take a couple of months to become final.
Start by having your paychecks hit a completely new bank account in a different bank, and have your statements and all other mail hitting a PO Box. Inform your creditors about your change of status. Get him off of any of your accounts.
Start looking for an affordable little place to move to... preferably sooner. Don't hang around for the divorce to be final. Save your money. You can always upgrade.
2007-10-18 00:31:03 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are firm that this has to be done, you just have to suck it up and do it. If you still have doubts, then try more counseling or try to get him on the right meds and on treatment for the drinking. Typically I would say to work it out or try more options, but with these 2 diseases it may be impossible for him to ever get 'well' enough to move forward and it is better to do it now than do it later, after he has become totally dependant on you. I think this is more than you can handle. Marriage is more than just love and it is more than just 'sticking it out'. If he cannot support the family financially, mentally, or emotionally, then he is not able to bring anything to the marriage. I would definately try to talk to him about this and, whatever you decide, keep his feelings in mind. He can't help that he has these problems, but he could be doing more to solve/help them. Do whatever you do as gently as possible and treat him with dignity, b/c he is the man you promised to be with forever. Somewhere underneath all of his issues and pain, there is that guy in there and he deserves respect. He doesn't deserve unrelenting devotion no matter what, but he does deserve your kindness. Good luck!!
2007-10-18 00:13:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going thought the same thing we got married in 2006 he dont want to work hes not bipolar or an alcoholic but its just he will not work what are wrong with man theses days Why dont man want to work but I am the same way against divorces me and you should have wanted longer but I can say one thing every woman that told me man change we they get married IT'S TRUE
2007-10-18 00:09:27 · answer #4 · answered by Melinda B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling and put your marriage first. There was something in the beginning that attracted you to your husband, if you made the commitment to marry him and sounds like you already knew he had a problem, then you need to follow through with making the commitment of mending your marriage. For better or worse. Be a wife and get some help for your husband whether he likes it or not. If he still is unable to be cured of his problem after honest attempts, and you absolutely cannot live with him anymore, then get a divorce.
2007-10-18 00:08:38 · answer #5 · answered by no kidding 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've already tried everything, then what else can be done? Tell him that you are seriously considering getting a divorce and the reasons why. Maybe that will give him the wake up call he needs to start therapy for his bipolar disorder and alcoholism and get a job. If he refuses to seek help for his problems, then file for divorce.
2007-10-18 00:08:21 · answer #6 · answered by gigi_victory 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes divorce so the only way to stop pain and hardship. If he is not will to change you have to let him go.Alcohol and bipolar are a dangerous mix. Becarefull. I was told that a marriage is over when one of the two quits trying. Your husband is not trying and placing other things above you. I don't believe in divorce but after 16 years of marriage my option has changed.
2007-10-18 00:15:15 · answer #7 · answered by noteworthy5 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you against divorce? I know it's not a nice thing, but the real world isn't always nice. It sounds to me like you really want to leave this man, and in that case you should. What is the point of staying in a relationship in which you are not happy. It doesn't matter what anyone tells you- you have to do what is right for you!
2007-10-18 00:07:13 · answer #8 · answered by Prairie Fire 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if married less than a year depending on the state you may seek an annulment if you can not get one you will need to speak with an attorney. Have either or both of you tried counseling. Why did you marry him if you were not ready or felt this way before hand?
2007-10-18 00:08:27 · answer #9 · answered by mc52132000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say if you have kids, try to work it out. But, honestly, if you don't have any kids at this point that need the father figure, why not try to find happiness? Whatever your decision, good luck :D
2007-10-18 00:06:34 · answer #10 · answered by Cammie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋