I am really concerned about myself because my mind is rarely on having sex with my husband. Suggestions?

Question

We have been married for a little over three years. I am so concerned about myself because my mind is rarely on having sex and mainly on other things such as bills, work and starting up my home-based business. I have always been a night owl and I usually stay up until after midnight, sometimes as late as 2 a.m. For whatever reason, I seem to be more productive late at night when things are quiet and I have had a chance to wind down. My husband has to be at work by 5 a.m. so he goes to bed fairly early. Usually by 10 p.m. I have to be at work by 7 a.m. He sometimes will make a sarcastic comment about how late I stay up.

I have tried to be honest with myself in hopes of finding the problem. My husband isn't ugly or fat so I am physically attracted to him. I am satisfied with him sexually. I think the biggest turn-off for me is that he "expects" sex to happen and if it doesn't he gets up. I don't like the fact that he becomes angry behind sex.

He is always complaining about how I don't initiate anything, but in reality he doesn't give me that chance. He's always groping my breasts or my butt. He is constantly trying to find a way to get his hands on some part of my body and it annoys me. It seems as if he sees me as a sex object and not a human.

I have to worry with all of the bills because he can't deal with life. He gets upset because bills are due and we have a very tight budget (that's another story). So I keep everything to myself and it causes me to be stressed. Very stressed.

The only thing I can count on him for is sex. If I initiate it he's all for it. He doesn't do anything to make me feel special.

Answer 1

Maybe you could rearrange things, in your life, for just a little while. Do this, in order to make better relations with your husband .. even if it is just for awhile .. and to make sure you can restore good sexual relations. This will take a big TRY from you.

First, talk to yourself ,, and motivate, and arrange, to put "other things" on the back burner for awhile .. and focus mostly on your husband, your marriage, and having some great sex relations with your husband again.

Your bills have to be paid .. delegate just enough time to get them paid .. but at the same time, remember your new mission .. which is your husband. You can always come back to your bills .. they won't go away.

Next .. come to terms with your 'turn off' .. the one where you think he 'expects' you to have sex. What you can do is to realize he is a guy .. and guys really do have a need, this is definitely a guy thing .. more than a girl thing .. plus - he may be mad because he may feel like he is not the most important thing to you. SO! ! .. try to push those feelings aside for awhile .. and AFTER you resume some good sexual relations with your husband .. at a later time .. talk to him about your feelings. Don't argue. Just talk to him .. quietly.

For at least awhile, try to arrange to have more sleep time hours with him. Lay beside him. Cuddle, if you can. You can be intimate, without sex. Having the same sleep-time with him .. can bring closeness.

Put your husband in your thoughts. Do things to make yourself feel completely feminine so it might help you become more intimate with your husband. Set the stage .. for yourself .. for him .. and to intice a great new romance .. and lots of passion. You might surprise yourself.

Try, try, try. You might re-kindle a lot of things. Just don't let the embers grow cold.

Remeber this, attitude ... is everything.

Answer 2

I'm sorry. That situation sucks and it's about way more than just sex. It doesn't sound like your husband is good at anything except a roll in the hay. Is that true? I mean, he must be putting forth effort somewhere in the marriage?! But it doesn't sound like it. I think that even though you still find him physically attractive, you may not be attracted to his personality.

Maybe have a sit down with him and just put all of your cards on the table. Don't be judgmental or critical, just tell him how much stress you have and that you know it's affecting your libido. Maybe he can help with something. Like a lot of men, he probably doesn't even realize he's treating you as only a sex object. Maybe a reminder to be more romantic will also help.

Another problem that you may be having is that he just has a higher sex drive than you do. I guess that's common. Some people just really like sex and some people could take it or leave it.

Anyway, if that doesn't work, then hopefully he'll agree to marriage counseling. At any rate, if he doesn't pick up some of the responsibilities of marriage, I wouldn't think yours is likely to last. (Sorry.) Marriage is a team effort.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

You may become productive late into the night, and he goes to bed earlier than you. If this is ongoing, can you see the problem here? You are growing apart, slowly but surely.
Just about any guy would "go for it" if sex is initiated by someone else. Think about the last sentence, "By someone else"
That might be where this will end up unless you at least make an effort to go to bed with him once in a while instead of staying up late. When you do go to bed with him, it`s for sex, right? Then the next 2 or 3 nights you don`t go to bed with him, then after that it`s sex nite again. That`s why you feel he always wants it.

Answer 4

I have actually have been inthis same position at about the same time in my marriage.

My husban and I have been married for 7 years now and loving eery minute of it. It is hard to think about sex when you are tired or have something else on your mind. Here is what I did.

I sat and relized that all those things are going to be there after the sex is done. That if I feel that I need to countiue to worry about it after we are don, then I will, but then again it may just relax me enough and I will get some much needed rest.

Once I relized this, I took it upon myself to suprise my husband. We have little things that we do t let the other know what we want. For us, we would get up, go to the bathroom and while in there get undressed. Then walk up the stairs. Most of the time, my husband is chasing me and it turns into a fun little game.

After the deed is done, I normally am so relaxed and a little worry free that I end up falling asleep.

Of course, if you and your husband have a little que to let the other one know what you want, pull it and watch the fun begin.

If you still want to let him sleep so he can get up so he can go to work, then just kiss him good night and go back to what you were doing. It is still going to be there when yu are done and that is the most imortant thing I can stress to you.

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my husband and my relationship. I too am a night owl and feel like I am more productive at night. He wanted to have sex in the early evening because he had to be up early for work and honestly I was not in that mindset at that time and not feeling "sexy". Then I would come to bed, relaxed and ready to go and he would be too tired.
Well, we finally came to the understanding that we needed to find a "middle ground" so to speak and we decided that we would "meet up" in the bedroom at about 8 or 9 pm, right before he was ready for bed and I was raring to get things done. We had great sex - he went to sleep - happy as a clam and I got up and finished what I wanted to do and came to bed when I was ready.
It worked out beautifully.
We are not divorcing, but NOT for any reason that has to do with that.
Best wishes and happy sex to you both!!!

Answer 6

I hear ya girl! Things used to be exactly the same with my husband and I. We have been married six years, but we have been together 13 years. Men are strange... they want us to initiate sex but when we do they expect us to "wham bam" be ready right then without four play. Like just because we are married they don't have to work as hard. So what I did was make it clear to my husband that I would have sex more often with him if he worked a little harder at it. Get me ready and excited for it. It's ok to be preoccupied with other stuff like bills and work. That is normal. Just remember, every marriage has its sexual ups and downs, valleys and peaks and won't be the same frequency all the time. Also don't let others make you feel bad about not thinking about it. Every couple is different and how or when or how many times they have sex is unique to each marriage. Don't put their expectations on you. You sound like you have enough to worry about! Good Luck!

Answer 7

I was like that also til my wife went back to school. Then i had to pick up the slack or it would not get done. In return she was more relaxed in the evening without the burden of housework or putting the kids to bed and i got my reward. It has been 6yrs and i still clean my house take care of my kids and cook on my days off and still reap the benefits so give him some jobs around the house that will help free u up it is only a fair trade for u both

Answer 8

You want to know why men think about sex so often? Becasue women DON'T. We're balancing you out. FIrst of all wind down schmind down- you're just depriving yourself of sleep and maybe even running yourself down unknowingly. STOP. Humans are designed to work during the day so do that. Check out Dr Don Colbert's Seven pilars Of Health- it might help here. He beats you to the punch? I used that excuse when my mom would come behind me and do my chores... WHEN I WAS 15!! Beat him to the punch. If you make him solely responsible for all the romance in the relationship (common female mistake) there will be none. It will just be him grabbing you, and you shooting him down. Work WITH him, bc right now you are NOT on his side.

And if sex doesn't happen what do you expect him to do? Hang around while he gets torn apart?

Answer 9

Sounds like a case of a lackluster marriage.Because of the lack of time you both spend together and the relative stress brought about by every day life it is imperitive that you and your hubby make time for each other or someone tries to spice up your love life.You both need to make a strong effort to salvage the relationhip that you worked so hard to build.There is nothing wrong with yourself or your husband.A lack of sex is a strong indicator of a troubled or uncoming trouble in marriage.

Answer 10

It sounds like you are too busy trying to control everything and it is totally stressing you out and then you could care less about sex. You need to let go of the control. Let your husband take control of the checkbook and the funds and the stress. He will get an education about the finances and you will be able to relax and not worry about it. Stop being in control and let go. He might surprise you.







you