she finds anything to pick you on, and put me down and my husband, im working with settings boundaries but i need more advice. Let me know what experiences you have been through with a parent like this.
2007-10-17 16:42:30 · 10 answers · asked by Green Gaint 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Theres really no easy way out of this situation. The only reason moms do this is because they are moms and its a habit. Just sit her down and tell her that you are living your life the way you see fit. tell her you appreciate the constructive criticism every now and then but she does it way too much, and in turn makes you feel bad about yourself, and just not good enough in her eyes. ask her if she would want the same in return?
my mom was always telling me what i needed to do and if i mentioned something shed say "you dont need that." i finally got to the point where i told her look I'm not a child anymore i am capable of making decisions and when you do that it just makes me afraid of talking to you and telling you anything. the only way to fix the problem is to talk to her about it. and if she reacts badly, let her cool off. just stand your ground. you have the right to be treated with respect, and she needs to understand that.
2007-10-17 16:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by Kelli's mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I actually have a very similar relationship with my Mom. When I talk to her about how her negativity and criticisms are unnecessary she responds with, "I am your mother and I only say these things because I love you." Your mom will not change. Putting you down is what she does to make herself feel better. No matter what she'll justify her own behavior. So, I keep my distance and limit my contact. The phone calls are short and when I even begin to get a hint that she's going to say something nasty -- I find a reason to get off the phone. I don't even want to hear it.
Does my mother love me? Yes. Very much so. Her love happens to manifest itself in a very verbally destructive way. This is how I deal with my mom and hopefully it can give you peace of mind as well. You have to begin to stake out your boundaries. Not necessarily by cutting her out of your life or being mean spirited but maintaining a healthy amount of space.
2007-10-18 00:00:51 · answer #2 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem. The next time she does it tell her you will no longer tolerate it and she can call back when she wants to be nice. Ride it out. Do not contact her. If and when she does call or see you do not let her treat you like that. If she does leave or hang up the phone. She will either stop or stop seeing you altogether. If she does that then you won't have to worry about it. That is what I did with mine. It worked.
2007-10-18 00:59:46 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom use to and still every blue moon says things to hurt my feelings, I finally realized that she in her own way she thought she was helping me, her mother died when she was 9 years old and I tell myself that she is doing the best that she could. Just keep telling her in a nice way that what she says isn't nice and thank for her advice but you are going to do thinks your own way.
2007-10-17 23:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by moonchild 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that's all she would want to hear I've done that before and it ttly worked!!!!!! I was thinking my mom was being to harsh on me being the oldest putting more responsibility but she didn't know that just go up to her and tell her how u feel she'll under stand she;s a mom that what she's supposed to do right? right!
2007-10-17 23:48:31 · answer #5 · answered by party_princess97 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom was very much like yours. I finally just put my foot down. I started defending myself and when she really upset me, I'd just plain cut our communication ties for a while. That will definitely give her time to realize her faults.
2007-10-18 05:04:43 · answer #6 · answered by Chaseee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know your own mother. You could not answer the phone, but will that work? You could stay your distance from her, but would that work? The one thing you don't want to do is to disrespect her verbally. You'll figure it out.
2007-10-17 23:51:18 · answer #7 · answered by Cutie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG ...........I have the same trouble with my parents.
They are always so negative about EVERYTHING, they over analyse every I say to them, they twist things to make it sound like Im "bi*tching".
Mum will say one thing to me, and another thing to my sister. ( we are both grown and in our 30's).
They totally wear me out, and the thing is , they dont think they are doing anyting wrong!!!!!!
If we confront them, they think we are making 'moutains out of molehills'.........
I recently had an argument with mum and we didnt speak for 3 weeks..............It was the best 3 weeks ive had in ages!!..........LOL.
No pressure, no guilt..............I was actually happy!
I know they mean well..but they are just too intrusive with their opinions.
I am moving in 3 weeks to another town ( 2 hours away) ..............so I hope that things will settle.
2007-10-18 00:25:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop all contact with her. Wait for about three months or until she comes crying to you, asking what she did wrong.
2007-10-17 23:47:19 · answer #9 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell her to get f=kd
2007-10-17 23:48:26 · answer #10 · answered by 4 strings 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋