wasn't answering his cell phone at close to 10PM. He left for work at 6AM & he always answers his phone unless he's at the bar when he's not supposed to be nor has he checked in with you all day. I called the 2 bars that he usually hangs out at, but they said he wasn't there & we haven't been getting along the greatest lately! In fact, we hardly speak, see or touch each other anymore! He works sooooo much & his days off are spent shooting pool w/ friends & napping! I know I should trust him, but I can't help wonder.....
2007-10-17 15:27:30 · 31 answers · asked by ♥bigmamma♥ 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, I guess I do kind of tell him not to go if he has already been there a couple times that week or if we do not have any money...... we have 2 small kids & I understand that he needs time to unwind or have fun, whatever, but a couple times a week is plenty! Especially when he's there for several hours every Sunday!
2007-10-17 15:37:08 · update #1
He obviously has a choice between his family and party time with friends and has chosen the latter. He doesn't need to be cheating to choose the latter; bars are so much more fun than a stressful night with the family when you are not even on speaking terms with your wife. HE has a problem that has created a problem for you since you are essentially functioning like a single person and causing more stress and work for you.
You have several options (as everyone who posted above have suggested). Decide what you want to do. How should a married couple live? Let hubby in on the decision and offer him a chance to collaborate on what your mutual outcome could be.
If he chooses to detach I would hope you seek legal counsel and let him detach all the way. I know it hurts (I've been there, done that) but you need to take better care of yourself and he is hurting you too much; the risk of permanently damaging you is very great.
2007-10-21 03:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by Rocky Raccoon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would attend any classes you can. Redeployment is such a unique thing for every couple/family/soldier. I think people are under the false impression that the only "issues" with redeployment come from the soldier being under great stress while gone. The truth of the matter is that no matter how easy or safe a soldier's job is during deployment, they are still not home. You have been living apart- you cook when you want and what you want, dishes get put away when you want and where you want. The house gets cleaned when you want and how you want..etc. You husband has spent his deployment answering to his chain of command but not considering how things like his work out schedule effect anyone else. It is always a little stressful to bring someone else into your routine. I am in no way saying that redeployment has to be hard. I am simply saying that it is unwise to go into it with rose colored glasses. There may be stresses that you have not thought of (normal parts of reintegration that if the occur and if you are not prepared they might make it feel like there is something wrong with you, your husband or your marriage.) Good luck and enjoy!
2016-05-23 06:53:23 · answer #2 · answered by juliette 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't trust him and should be counseling to see if he wants to save the marriage or not, or for that matter whether you do. A man does not work 14 hour days usually and a bar will not tell a man's wife that he is sitting there drinking if he tells them not to. The fact that you hardly speak, see or touch each other anymore to me would mean the marriage is over and that you need to improve your self esteem to the point you throw him out for your sake and the sake of your children so that they do not think this is normal for a husband or they will have the same problems in any future marriages.
He is not worth worrying about!
2007-10-17 16:50:09 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't think u really want to no what I think.. cuz I agree w/ most of the ones who say..
if ur marriage is on the rocks
and ur instincts.. or interwisition says something is wrong..
then the chance are
UR 95% ccorrect and have reason to be worried..
We women just know these things..
Men will fuss or fight w/ u just to have a reason to get out of the house.. to do there own thang..
which is usually trouble for the relationship..
You need time to get out of the house several X's a week and all day on Sunday..
Either except the relationship for what it is..
don't be a bird w/ ur head in the sand.. he will just keep doing it....
run .. don't walk to a counselor..
You need it even if he will not attend to cope with this situation..
Face facts.. and except it... weather you both sleep in separate rooms and stay together or split up..
just don't live in denial.. and try to fake it..
Men will deny deny deny..
only sorry when they get caught..
I sure hope this works out for u.. but u have to take measure to do so.. before it gets out of hand. and you both say things u will regret..
2007-10-17 18:58:11 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you have something to be concerned about! - He is sending you some strong signals.
You might want to contact a councilor who will guide you as to how to approach him.
If you check on him (and you surely have the right to) it will cause you more trouble than you bargain for.
In the other hand - you might tell him .... "honey, you went out last night don't you think we need to take turn so I can to get out and meet adults to have adult conversations to?" See how that works for you!
After all, what's good for the goose is good for the gender!
If by any chances he would agree (?) - I would be sure not to been seen with a man - keep yourself clean or this WILL backfire!
I would definitely pray and ask God for help and guidance.
Best wishes - hope to hear from you again.
2007-10-17 15:58:34 · answer #5 · answered by Yafa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lie is a lie. For some reason he is lying to you and you do have a trust issue. So you need to look at yourself and see why he does not come home to you. What has changed? Talk to him and find out what is going on for him. If he needs time out: fine. But no more lies. But if his time becomes more and more out of the house then you have a serious problem on your hands. Take inventory of the true situation and act. Good luck.
2007-10-17 15:46:00 · answer #6 · answered by Miki M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I disagree. I don't think it is "normal" for a married man to be hanging in a bar with his friends twice a week or more.
I think it's normal to hang out once a week, or once every couple weeks with friends, when you're married.
There's some priority mixing up that he is having, and I think a discussion about what you feel your needs and expectations are, and see if he will agree to it.
2007-10-17 16:28:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I will be worried. If he left that early and did not call or anything and is 10pm?. Hell I will be worried, AND HE WOULD KNOW ABOUT IT WHEN HE GETS HOME!!, did you call his work number? did you leave a message on his cell? and has not answer either? is he giving you stupid excuses for lack of answering calls? .. ...not in good terms lately?, no sex?, no time for you???!!! I would not trust him at this point. girl you better get your stuff together. P,personally I think he is cheating, but ask him if he wants to work things out or not because you are not going to take his behavior anymore......ARE YOU? ... I WOULDN'T.
2007-10-17 15:40:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
men+beer=fun.
You two should rent Knocked Up and watch it together. There's some parts in there where the wife thinks he's cheating, but its SO opposite. I'm not gonna ruin it.. But it would give you the chance to ,um, tease him, about your own relationship. Either way, its a good movie. You'd enjoy it. Then , hopefuly, you 2 could touch base about life in general. Just keep the convo light, so he's not threatened. If he pisses you off, then let him have it.
2007-10-17 16:35:08 · answer #9 · answered by Heather R♥se 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be PISSED OFF... first very worried ... AND THEN MAD AS HELL!!! But I talk to my husband atleast 2times a day and he doesn't hang out in bars. We don't have a "not suppose to" deal. He can go to happy hour occasionaly but we always touch base first.
I guess I may be very jealous but I would think something was def. wrong here. Not saying he was doign anything wrong, but he wasn't home that's for sure.
Sorry... you guys need to seek some counseling!
2007-10-17 15:39:45 · answer #10 · answered by Just trying to make it 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋