She's been grounded until further notice but her birthday is coming up on the 30th (17) so I don't want to "celebrate" and take away light of the punishment.
some may think the punishment is harsh, but if you know me and my background you will know that my husband is in recovery and we run a "clean & sober" household, so drinking (especially under age) is 100% unacceptable in our home.
any suggestions???
or any advice????
2007-10-17 15:07:35 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
I would have a family member only birthday gathering. Just a homemade cake, and ice cream, a gift or two. I wouldn't allow any of her friends, this way you can stick to the grounding. Stick to your guns, teen alcoholism is on the rise, and not to many parents take the reins of control anymore.
She will probrably be angry and resentful for quite sometime, but I'm sure it will be one birthday she won't forget, nor the reason behind why she was not allow the pleasures of friends, and extravagant gifts. Good Luck, she'll thank you when she's older.
2007-10-17 17:51:34 · answer #1 · answered by hannahs3092000 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
This is a tough situation. You want to be a firm hand but at the same time your natural love as mother is coming in. But as you said this isn't a light matter. Not becuase she is 16 but becuase she has seen what alcohol has done to you and your family. She has seen the heartache but worst of all, its hereditery and the last thing you want is for your beloved little irl to become an alcoholic. Try to undestand though, she is young, and very naive much liek all 16 year old girls.
For her birthday, you should acknowledge it, and thats it. Don't call it a true celebration becuase its not. But, its her birth date, so I wouldn't allow friends to be there or anything else that might make her birthday mroe than it is. I don't know your daughter but I can tell you that I, myself, hate seeing my mother hurt. and what gets me, is when I know how much she hurts. Let her know how disappointed you are, but how much you love her and can't stand what she has done. Purchase a gift card for her, so she can go out and use to purchase a small gift once her punishment has been lifted. Allow her a birthday cake. But thats it. Don't make it a dreadful day but at the same time have recognize that her birthdate meant the world to you.
2007-10-18 02:05:19 · answer #2 · answered by jmalin04 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have a small family party. Like, basically, give her a cake, give her a present, and wish her happy birthday. Be nice to her, but don't go against any of the rules of her punishment.
Stick with what you're doing. A birthday, in the end, is just another day, but going light on drinking could possibly screw up every day for the rest of her life...
2007-10-17 17:02:39 · answer #3 · answered by Echo 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
it may be relatively unhappy on your son and his chum to bypass down this street. they ought to develop into extra engaged in diverse events. there are maximum of solid ones available. you're able to ought to bypass ask a psychological professional that might assist you out devising a sparkling ordinary on your son. till then i might tell him that he has a weekly appointment with a plastic cup on the community drug-testing lab. He can consistently use that as an excuse to beg off while he feels peer stress. He desires to burn off a number of his means. Boys are crammed with testosterone at this age! lots of those drugs are so damaging to the strategies and different tissues in the physique too. Former drug addicts who stay healthful lives now is additionally solid materials. some non secular human beings besides. young little ones often don't comprehend what share harmless little ones get victimized via persons who site visitors drugs. they're relatively grimy and hazardous human beings. they could seem cool in the beginning up with the intention to make the sale and shop the shoppers, yet as quickly as you're around them you study that they have got hidden lives that are so wicked and thoroughly opposite of their gentle optimistic exterior. Getting your new child addicted to drugs is in simple terms a manner for some hurtful individual to generate profits and characteristic economic secure practices.
2016-10-04 01:35:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As she's 17 she was probably planning a big b'day bash right? It will be punishment enough not having this party that giving her some presents, a cake and singing happy birthday with friends will not be making light of the punishment.
The punishment wasn't harsh at all. Good on you!
2007-10-17 20:11:00 · answer #5 · answered by Pistachio 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you are right 100 percent. depending on the terms of being grounded, like no phone, company,computer, friends over etc. i would continue that until you see fit. i also believe that a small family dinner and some gifts are acceptable. it is important to let her know you still love her and part of that is to celebrate her birthday on a low scale basis, no friends or big time fun.
i would also research locally, some type of volunteer work that she must do involving a example of what drinking does to people... like a homeless shelter, a lot of homeless having drinking problems, and she could see what happens to one that drinks... there might be a clean and sober rehab clinic or house that she could see for herself what it does it drinkers.....
you could also arrange for her to be tested for acholol and drugs in her system on a 'on the spot' to make sure she stays right. i would keep up the punishment for a very long time.
counseling is also a good idea.... God bless and good luck to you and your family.
2007-10-17 18:38:19 · answer #6 · answered by walterknowsall 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Allow her only to have a set number of guests(if you are allowing it) or if not, tell her that you'll have some cake and ice cream, and maybe her favourite dinner and a movie she likes to watch with the family and let her know that after her birthday party that she goes right back to being on punishment. It's nice of you to be a little lenient on her during the birthday, that shows compassion and she'll appreciate that, and realize that you aren't just being "mean" and punishing her.
2007-10-17 18:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by Zyggy 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am not one to have sympathy for a child who breaks the rules and thinks she has something coming to her that is good afterwards. She knew exactly what she was doing and she was pushing the envelope to see how far she could go. There needs to be a limit to her being grounded. It can't be a forever thing and she needs to know when it will end. Maybe you could let her know for her birthday when her restriction will be over. Or, if you are as outrageous as I am, you could take her to an AA meeting.
2007-10-17 16:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I like Joan's idea. Take her to an Ala-Teen meeting. I wish someone had done that for me. Then maybe take her to Denny's for a birthday meal or home for dinner (just regular dinner) followed by a small cake. Short party.
My Source: Sober alcoholic in recovery 13 years.
2007-10-17 18:05:50 · answer #9 · answered by Just Tink 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Just give her a little party with just the immediate family (no friends over) and have a cake for her and a few gifts. I don't think your punishment is harsh at all. We don't drink in our home either.
2007-10-17 15:21:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋