Is asking him to quit smoking too much?

Question

When I met my husband we were both smokers. After we got married, he made a comment about how he wishes I would quit...so I did. But when I asked him, he wouldn't quit. He's currently deployed and smoking overseas, but I asked him to not do it at all while he's home because we have a 3 month old daughter I don't want it to affect, I can't stand the smell of an ashtray when I'm near him, and its just extremely unhealthy. He doesn't see the big deal since he doesn't do it around us, but I want him to quit all together. Am I asking too much? I quit when he asked me to, why won't he?

I don't remember who said "if he wants to kill himself that's his business", but that's not right. If he was single, then yes, it would be his business. But not only does he have a wife now he has a daughter. He gave up the right to be anything but a parent when we had a child...her best interests should always come first, and its not in her best interest for him to die young because he wants a cigarette.

Ok...this whole "he's in the military" and "he's deployed" excuses are retarded in my opinion. I'm military and I've been deployed, and I know A LOT of people (including myself) that were smokers at some point but didn't do it over there. And I'm not asking him to do it while he's gone, because some of you are right, it may be something that's being over there makes it harder to do. I'm asking it to be done when he's home.

Answer 1

Its definitely not too much to ask. Yes, you were both smoking when you got married, so what? He wanted you to quit and you did. You want him to quit and he won't...its not right. Plus, you have a daughter and even not smoking around her won't get rid of the risk to her completely. He'll still have it on his clothes, hands, etc. Baby's who are affected by smoking tend to breathe more labored, be congested more often and cough more too. If she's doing these things when he's around, point it out to him to SHOW him how its affecting her (but I pray for your sake it isn't doing those things to her). As for being military, you're right. I'm in the Army as are most of the people I know...90% of them don't smoke and the ones that do actually enjoy it (for some odd reason). If he was addicted to porn you'd ask him to stop, and/or get him help if he needed it. Bottom line...he should quit not only for you and your daughter, but himself as well.

Answer 2

He is probably more addicted than you were and may even want to stop but can't. With many smokers, the more you ask them to stop, the harder it is for them to do so. You can keep trying to get him to, but not in such an obvious way. After he returns, since he does seem to realize the harm it could do to your (both of you) daughter, and won't smoke around the two of you, try to get him involved in as many things you can where he won't have the opportunity (and just don't mention the no smoking thing). Maybe he'll start thinking about it more and realize he can have more fun, and there's more to life than smoking. Don't try to get him to stop while he is deployed...smoking might just be the highlight of his day wherever he is. I'll admit I'm a smoker, and I want to stop, but the addiction is strong. I'm sure you will get a lot of good answers, and hope you think about all of them.
Good luck.
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Answer 3

First off, congratulations on quitting...I dont think it is too much to ask....even if he doesnt smoke around you and your baby, it is still on his clothes and your daughter can still breathe that in...also, it can make you tempted to smoke again if you smell it often enough. Not to mention how bad it is for him by itself. The problem is, he may be so addicted by n ow, it will be harder than ever. If I were you I would buy him some patches and gum and other things to help him to stop quitting, tell him how important this is to you and how dangerous it is still for your daughter and that you did it for him, so the least he could do is try for you. It may take a lot of work but it is not impossible. And don't give up if e fails...it is obviously not easy to quit. Show him you are there and will support him in quitting. If he understands how important this is to you he should take it more seriously. Good luck.

Answer 4

It is not too much to ask.

But, you must remember that not only will it likely take time, it might be much more difficult for him than it was for you. You say that he is deployed, so I assume he is in the military. Right or wrong, many in the service smoke and many do as one of the many ways of dealing with the stresses of deployment and battle. This makes it very tough. On top of that, as you know it is an addiction. If he has trouble quitting, he might not want to acknowledge that he can't because it will make him feel like less of a man. Military types are all about being macho studs for their family and country (and I'm not knocking that at all).

So be patient with him. Tell him that you would like him to be healthier, save some cash, and that you like kissing him much more when he doesn't smell of it.

Answer 5

No, it not too much to ask. But, it hard to quit smoking. and with him being in the military it can be even harder. Smokers smoke to help relax and calm down. So, that might be part of his problem. Just keep encouraging him at times, but don't nag him about it. The more you nag, the more he will rejuect the idea. Good luck.

Answer 6

I hate to say this, because I am so totally opposed to smoking, but I think if he is deployed overseas, you should not nag him to quit smoking right now. I can imagine that his stress level is high right now, and he doesn't need something to distract him!!!

Wait until he gets home (!) and then offer to support him in any way he wants in order for him to quit. If he won't, then you will have to compromise and just make sure he doesn't smoke in the home, because it is harmful to children and increases their risk of ear infections and lung problems.

Answer 7

yes it is asking too much while he is deployed.........look what you said too, he didn't ask you to quit smoking, he made a comment about how he wished you would quit....his wish came true......seriously, he shouldn't be smoking in the house or any time around the baby, he has to decide to quit on his own, as you know being a former smoker yourself, you can't be hounded into quitting.......with that said, wait until after he has been home for awhile and then talk to him nicely about it, not calling him nasty (afternall, you did it for years yourself)....then have him talk to his doc and get a prescription for Chantix....it works like a charm!

Answer 8

If he wasn't willing to quit, why did he ask you to? Seems wrong.
If he does not smoke around you, but truly does not want to quit, then all you will accomplish by pushing the issue is make him lie about it.
I am a smoker, so I know how difficult it is to quit. If he does not want to yet, it will be that much harder.

Answer 9

Yes, you're asking too much. He was a smoker when you met him.

It's acceptable to ask him to smoke outside or in the garage to keep the smoke away from your daughter. It sounds like he's complying with that.

When he is ready he may be willing to try, but if you nag him, he'll dig in his heels.

The fact that you quit when he asked you to isn't really relevant, so don't throw that in his face - it won't help.

Just be loving and supportive, and give him a little extra when he doesn't smoke - honestly - you get more with positive reinforcement instead of negative.

Answer 10

you should tell him how u are feeling and tell him that its not only affecting his health but also your daughter's. tell him if smoking is more important than his daughter and that quitting smoking reduces the risk of serious health problems. That the same reason he wanted you to stop that you want him to stop! Show him a video of what could happen to him if he does continue on smoking and be sure your daughter is there to watch so she too could help your husband quick smoking