My daughter (almost 17) and my husband argue most of the time. She's in a catholic school, does ok in school,

Question

she's become defiant and her mouth is not what we expect. She demands for a lot of things, doesn't work and is hard to get her to do her chores. I've talked to her, take things from her, but dont know how to handle this anymore, please help me. She's an only child.

Answer 1

the 7 habits of highly successful families by stephen covey, and do one thing different reading those two books helped me thru the high school years. it has nothing whatsoever to do with being an only child, it is her asserting herself as a separate person. you could even say it is normal

try to empathize all the good things about her to her and dont argue about petty things. you have a good student in a good school, try to see the big picture. my son had his moments of defiant behavior and we had to remember, what is the ultimate goal here? it is not to argue about doing the dishes tonight, it is to get him successfully thru college and on to a rewarding and honest adulthood, in one piece. be grateful for a healthy daughter who does ok in school, and like the book says, dont sweat the small stuff. young people, i dont need to tell you, have huge pressure on them, and private school is even more pressure.

my husband always insisted that we make our sons high school years a time he could look back on fondly, i was all for punishing him severely for his terrible grades, my husband insisted i take a longer view and reminded me of his great points, he and his friends are all 24 now, all thru college, all fantastic young people, and, because i did not go the punishment route thru school, he benefits every day like i cant tell you from the wonderful friends, contacts,and ongoing relationships he has from, yes, catholic high school.

so, this may not have been what you were looking for, but, i say, less arguing, more celebrating the wonderful gift you have of a healthy, smart daughter.
what if you took all your complaints about her off the table? what would you have then? THAT is what i hope you enjoy. mom, as they get older, their worlds become bigger and they grow, away from you.
i vote celebration. i vote joy. i vote you tell your husband you will do the interacting with her so he does not have to argue with her and that can be taken off the table too. enjoy her, crack out the checkers game and the 3 of you have a good laugh together.

Answer 2

She's a teenager--I've got 2 of them at home.

The best thing I've found that works with my teenage daughter (who's 17 1/2) is taking her cell phone away. She's attached to that sucker. Find whatever privilege she has that means the most to her, and take that away.

Just because she demands alot of things doesn't mean you have to give them to her.

Make her get a job. Make sure it doesn't interfere with her studies though.

Remember, you're her parent, not her friend. I tell my kids that I"m not in this for them to like me--that's what they have friends for.

Answer 3

She's a spoiled brat. It's your house, she should have no say whatsoever! If she talks back to you then inform her that you and your husbad work hard to pay for the roof over her head, the clothes on her back, the food she eats, her education, etc. She should show herself grateful not ingrateful.

Gosh, I wish I had that when I was 17. I had to move out at 16 because my mother brought home strange men from bars at night, spent up my Social Security (came to me under my name for my father's death) on her beer, cigarettes, bills and rent (saved nothing for me, provided nothing for me--no clothes, nothing!). I got a job, stayed in school, went downtown and had my SSI transferred over to my name and moved out.

I would have loved to have a mother that cared for me though. She was great until I was 11.

Answer 4

She's perfectly normal for a 17yr old. All you can do is be consistent and wait until she grows up, which will be in about 6-7 years. Be patient.

Answer 5

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE HER PARENTS, AND YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THIS KINDA HARASSMENT FROM A CHILD, AND THAT IS WHAT SHE IS....A CHILD. YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR FOOD DOWN AND SAY THIS IS THE WAY IT IS GOING TO BE, LIKE IT OR NOT. OF COURSE SHE IS GOING TO WANT TO RUN AWAY AND LEAVE AND SUCH, BUT NO ONE IS GOING TO PUT THE TIME AND EFFORT INTO SOMEONE ELSES CHILD. bUT SHE NEEDS TO CALM DOWN, BECAUSE SHE IS HEADED DOWN THE WRONG PATH, AND IF YOU ARE ALLOWING HER TO TREAT YOU IN THIS MANNER THEN YOU ARE ENABLING HER, AND THEN THAT MAKES YOU TO BLAME AS WELL.

Answer 6

be consistant with her...let her know she is NOT the boss. dont let her hurt your relationship with your husband, as this happens to often these days with kids that have NO respect.