is he emotionally cheating?

Question

Is this emotional cheating

I was on a course with my husband
along with 50 other people. on the first day of the course I got very emotional and cried, as I had just had a stroke five weeks before. my husband would not cuddle me or talk to me. he only came to me when he was asked to by the tutor. when we got out of the class he left me to go and watch a movie with some other people. then the next day my husband sat next to this woman at lunch, and she was rubbing her hand up and down his leg , under the table. I could see this, so he got up and left the table.
only to go over to another woman and give her a cuddle as she was unhappy. I did not like the way he was acting, so we talk about it whole night and he told me that he would keep away from this woman ( rubbing his leg one) The next day I told him I wouldn't be going into class. But I did go and found him sitting with her again. I left and later asked him why he was with her again. but he lied and said that he wasn't. after I told him I sore them together he still lied. but after that he cried and said that wanted to prove to her that she couldn't intimidate him!
but when I talk about it he shouts at me, tells me that he was not being unfaithful, then cries and hits himself and blames me
for not going into the class with him that day.

Answer 1

It sounds like he's cheating...whether it's physical and /or emotional. A married person should NOT turn to a member of the opposite sex for physical or emotional needs. That's cheating. BUT it also sounds like your hubby has some serious emotional problems if he's crying and hitting himself. I wouldn't worry about the cheating so much....BUT worry whether or not you're married to someone who is mentally unbalanced.

I would get help BOTH OF YOU

Answer 2

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: if not an emotional affair (or actual affair when you aren't looking), alarming nonetheless. The human mind is a maze of craze, so to speak, and the answer is probably far more complex than we can answer here. He is obviously looking for something outside of you/him, whether it just be attn, or tenderness, or something more complicated. His behavior is EXTREMELY out of line either way and you two need to get help with it.

Clues may lie in examining when this behavior began. You mention his behavior with these women started with the course, five weeks after your stroke. Was he like this before the stroke, or was he close, tender, and attentive to you? What WAS your relationship like prior to your illness?

If it was loving and true pre-stroke, he may be having a hard time dealing with the thought of losing you, or what the effects of the stroke had on you--or perhaps with facing his own mortality. He will most likely need help dealing with these issues.

If he was like this all along, distant, rejecting, etc., the women are nothing but a "symptom" of an already existing "disease." Perhaps the stroke has just made him feel bolder.

Either way, he is being extremely disrespectful to you. He acts in ways that are reprehensible and then tries to blame you for his actions. He has problems that reach far beyond you or you/him, but in his defense, may be very confused and scared. In short, seek help together.

My heart goes out to you.

Answer 3

It appears to me that he is up to something not good here. His behavior does not fit the situation right! He is not being honest about something and no woman would just be rubbing your husbands leg under the table like that unless she has been closer to him than you know. You are having a gut feeling here that something is not appropriate with this woman and your husband and you are probably not wrong. I would not say anymore to your husband and just watch him. If I were you I would talk with someone that you could trust and help you do some investegating here.

Answer 4

sounds like he likes other women...whether or not he is emotionally or physically involved, well he is involved enough with one that she feels comfortable enough touching and rubbing him even when you are around, and to me and this is only my opinion, but for a man to walk off from his wife and sit with and hug other women is rather unforgiving in my book, but that is me. I am thinking that he can make you feel as though he has a right to be unfaithful to you because of the stroke and basically use that against you. I would suggest that you continue to watch his behavior and then you will have to make the decision as to kick him out......you are not the reason that he is cheating....it is just that he is and obvious jerk, and is using you, and seeing if you will take it, because of your condition.

Answer 5

If you had a stroke 5 weeks ago you probably are not recovered. You need to tell your doctor about your erratic emotions, and you probably need some short term situational counseling. Your husband apparently is not handling your stroke very well. I suggest you spend the time you need to recovering and then take a look at his behavior. If he's doing the same things, get rid of him unless he carries your health insurance. Then do everything you can to make his life miserable by not giving him freedom.

Answer 6

when was the last time your husband told u he loves u? when was the last time he touched u and u felt his love without him saying so? what he did is first step to having an affair that is if the girl's a willing prey. one thing could lead to another. so, try to analyze your relationship with him. do u think he gets tired of your marriage, maybe becoz things become monotonous or for whatever reason... try to change some things in the relationship or your looks or things you do which you think will put back his interests in you. do it and do it fast.

Answer 7

It sounds like he is cheating, physically or emotionally. However i am wondering if this is all there is to your story...
It sounds like he needs some mental help as well, maybe your health situation is causing some serious stress on you both.. but seek help for YOU AND HIM.. ASAP.. community counseling services are in every town, and they are covered by most insurance plans..

Answer 8

I am sorry to say, but I think that you really need to sort this out. Marriage counseling or if this has been going on for a long while now, it's time to let him go.
It's not fair to you, if he doesn't give you the attention you deserve and gives it to someone else, then leave him.

Answer 9

girl, he is sorry. he can't show you any compassion but he is all over the other women at this course, huh? he is busted that's why he tries to flip it around and blame you for it, because he is guilty. i wouldn't even bother going to some class with him just straight to the lawyer, you aren't trying to have another stroke are you?!!!

Answer 10

Sounds like a mature marriage you got yourself into... are you sure you were both ready to be married? Perhaps you should take an English class while you're at it.