2007-10-17 14:12:41 · 6 answers · asked by John L 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok.when exactly is a couple "engaged"? For all my life, I have heard the same nonsense about "women waiting to be proposed too" and the dude never "popping the ?". IMHO, I have assumed couples openly and regularly discuss engagement and marriage long before "the ?". So, simply by discussing marriage, has the couple not fundamentally already become engaged? Seriously...think hard about this. An old female friend (never close with) spent about 2 years of a 5 year relationship waiting to get proposed to with marriage a regular topic for them. In the end, nothing. She split. I asked her later why they never tied it. Her response "...he never proposed..." I asked her next why "If you knew you two were destined to get married and you both were open about it...why did you wait so long and not propose to him instead?" She was absolutely floored by that. A year later, I asked her about it again, and she agreed she should have done so.
Again, "is discussion as good as a prop?" Think!
2007-10-17 14:23:25 · update #1
So if you were looking for a new car and you discussed it with a car salesman, does he have the right to assume you are writing him a check?
Engagement starts when one of the two people involved asks the other to marry them. Every couple is different, it might be a formal proposal or simply an agreement. Any adult who stays in a relationship for 5 years without a commitment of marriage when its expected, is foolish and should move on. Your friend did the right thing. How long was she suppose to wait? 6years? 8years? Why not 15?
You sound like someone who is rather insecure about themselves, perhaps counseling is in order.
2007-10-17 14:45:23 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To a man, the discussion is probably as good as the proposal.
From my perspective, as a woman, you're not engaged until the formal proposal. You can talk about something all you want, but actually promising to marry someone is the moment you become engaged. Maybe there's no ring, but there should at least be the clear "will you marry me?" and a clear "yes" in response before the couple is considered engaged.
2007-10-17 14:32:38 · answer #2 · answered by trillian 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We talked about getting married and how we both thought that's what we wanted, but I wasn't engaged until we formally agreed (ring, the ?, crying) and we set a date. I agree that it's OK to just tell the guy- hey, **** or get off the pot. Or just let the girl propose. I've seen too many people wait about 10 years, then find out the guy isn't sure he wants to get married any time soon.
2007-10-17 15:08:27 · answer #3 · answered by csbiup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my case we were talking about marriage and getting engaged from the start buti still didnt consider myself engaged.
we went and got our rings made (engagment and wedding rings) but i still didnt consider myself to be engaged even though i know it was going to happen!!!
we even set our wedding date before we were "engaged"...
most couples obviously discuss it in a round about way but still wait for the actual proposal.
i dont think there is anything wrong with that though...it depends on how serious they are when the topic is being discussed.
2007-10-17 15:48:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can talk about marriage but realize that the person you are with isn't the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you were certain you'd spend your life with a person, you wouldn't sit and twiddle your thumbs waiting for them to ask, you'd ask. Talk is just talk until one or the other makes a move.
2007-10-17 14:42:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Discussion about it doesn't count. One has to be asked in order to be engaged.
2007-10-17 14:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by Ali Cat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋