I want my baby?

Question

I'm 38 and am now 9 weeks pregnant and have spent the past 3 weeks being continually harrassed by my boyfriend (the baby's father) to have an abortion. Although this was an unplanned pregnancy (I was taking the pill without a missed day!), I am no spring chicken and my relationship with my boyfriend is rocky, I am resolute in my decision to see this pregnancy through. I've seen the baby on ultrasound and tears welled up in my eyes seeing what a dear little miracle is curled up in my womb. The thought of me, its mother, taking its life out of sheer selfishness, fear and justified by saying it's "not the right time" or "it's inconvenient" would haunt me forever. All my boyfriend cares about is the cost and how he already has to pay child maintenance for another child of his. There's been repreives where he has briefly been positive and changed his mind, it changes back to the same "you must do the right thing and not have it" Do you think he will change eventually? . .

Answer 1

He might change, or he might not. Your decision CANNOT be based on him. If you want the baby you should have it. Let him know that he's not on the hook financially and let him either shove off or stick around and act like a man.

Answer 2

I have never been in your situation....but a friend of mine has. All I can do is tell her story and hope that it helps you.
She had started dating someone and a year into the relationship she became pregnant. He told her that he didn't want a baby and if she didn't get an abortion then he would leave her. Needless to say, after 2 weeks of thinking about it she went ahead and had an abortion done.....in hopes of saving her relationship with the boyfriend. She told none of her family that she was pregnant. The only ones that knew about it was her boyfriend and me (I was her closest friend). After she had the abortion the boyfriend left her anyways. It has been 3 years since and she still cannot hold a baby without crying. Her sister had a baby a year and a half ago and she refused to hold her only nephew. Her family still cannot understand why she reacts like this towards babies.

If you feel in your heart of hearts that you want this baby then I
suggest that you keep it. Once an abortion is done...IT'S DONE. There is no turning back. There is no way of knowing how an abortion is going to affect you mentally. If your relationship with the boyfriend is rocky now then more than likely it won't last anyway. Get rid of him.
Keeping your baby is your choice....the only choice he really has at this point is whether he is going to be a good father or a crappy one.

Answer 3

You need to look at the big picture and decide this" Do you really want this baby?" your 38 and if you dont have any other children this is proberly going to be your last chance to become a mother, regardless of what your selfish, ignorant prick of a boyfriend thinks, he obviously doesn't respect you or the baby you are carrying inside you.

If you decide you want this baby and I'm sure you do, you can give your jackarse boyfriend two choices and bascially tell him it will go like this:

Your choices are:

1. Take no part in this pregnancy and baby once its born and disappear and don't have a relationship with your baby, to him that would prolly suit him best.

2. Be a dad to the baby and choose to take part in the childs life and pay child support.

If he doesn't like those choices, too bad so sad and dump his ****, you deserve better then what you have with him.

You have a beautiful baby inside of you which you have already seen on U/S, you can see its growing and developing, its your choice so dont let the pressure of your bf persway you into having an abortion just because he doesnt want the baby like i said he has two choices if he dont like them he can get lost.

Go on and keep the baby, that baby will love you no matter what and will always be there with you and make you happy, where as relationships come and go break your heart but your child will not.

Answer 4

You have done said if you had an abortion that it would haunt you forever. It would be stupid and the biggest mistake of your life if you killed this unborn child just to make your boyfriend happy. Could you ever look at this man in a loving way knowing he is the reason you decided to kill your baby? I do not think this guy will change his mind about wanting you to have an abortion. He is already thinking of paying child support for his other child as an inconvenience in his life. If I was you I would just have him sign his rights away when the baby is born this way he does not have to worry about paying child support and you will still have your baby. It is scary being a single mother, but in the end it is worth it. I am 29 years old and had my twins in the year 2000. I have not received any child support since they were born and the father does not see them. In my opinion my children are better off with out him in their life. We have done just fine with out him. I am a high school graduate, but do not have any college education. Women do things they need to do to supposrt their children. My twins were and are my greatest blessing in life. How could you think of having an abortion when you have already seen your baby on an ultrasound? You really need to think how this is going to effect your life.

Answer 5

You want the baby, keep it! Don't have an abortion because your boyfriend is being a jerk. He is being completely selfish. You're right too - it would probably haunt you and you'd think about it forever! Don't do anything you could possibly regret. Just remember... everything happens for a reason! There is a reason you got pregnant while on the pill! There is a reason you are blessed with this child! Best wishes!

Answer 6

Keep your baby. That's your baby inside your womb and it is a dear little miracle. If you let this baby go you have no other chance to have this particular child. There won't be a child like this and you won't ever know what it would've been like. I know I'm not in the situation you are in, but this is a growing, living child and you, as it's mother, should take responsibility. If your boyfriend loves you he'll understand and want this baby just as much as you! Please think about this. You aren't getting any younger either and soon you won't be able to have a child at all. God Bless you and the most of luck to you!

Answer 7

im so sorry about everything that is going on i know its very stressful. i really think you should keep the baby its way too hard to have to go through having an abortion and its very sad.. i think your boyfriend is being very selfish i mean your 38 years old you can do it!!! i am only 19 and not too long i got into a problem like this with my boyfriend it was very hard for me and at the time we had no money, money was the main problem and thats all he seemed to talk about i wanted so bad to just have the baby but everyone was telling me no its not a good idea and made me feel like i could never go through with it i felt like i didnt have choice so i had abortion and it was horrible i felt so bad and i know that if i could go back i would of never done that but you would regret it because its not right and your right it is selfish. keep your baby and i bet you in the end your boyfriend will fall in love with yalls child how could he not. good luck with everything stay strong!!!

Answer 8

You are the mother if you want to keep your baby keep it. Your bf seems like a selfish jerk and if I were you I would distance myself from him during the pregnancy. If you are intent on keeping the baby I would tell him that if he doesnt want t be a part of the babys life fine but you will do it with or without him. As for child support its your choice if you wnt to pursue that so if you are ready go for it Im sure youre boyfriend knew the repercussions of sex before he slept with you everyone knows nothing not even the pill will prevent preganacy 100% except abstinence. Tell him to man up or get out of your life. Good luck you will be a great mother.

Answer 9

"YOU must do the right thing and abort it?" Wow... I am SHOCKED at how selfish your boyfriend is. If I were you... I'd go ahead with having the baby. He has a responsibility to the child now, but you MAY be best to not go after child support, it just depends on how badly you need it to make life for your child a good one, so your call on that. He doesn't sound like husband/father material to me, based on what you've said. I'm with everyone else who said to dump him. It seems to me you got the better end of it...a baby! LOL Good luck to you, whatever you decide, but realize, you can't change him, and his attitude towards his other child should tell you a LOT about how he's really going to deal with this. It seems to me, he's just afraid of having to foot the bill for another child, which wouldn't rate him very high in my book...move on and find someone else who is WORTHY of you and your child! He isn't.

Answer 10

Rather than give you advice, let me share an experience of mine, please.

In 1975 I had driven from Missouri to San Diego with my son and my 13 month old daughter to re-join my husband who had just returned from a tour of the west Pacific in the Navy.

After a couple of months we decided we should not have any more children. He had gotten out of the Navy, was trying to get a job at the shipyards and we seemed to always be struggling financially.

Planned parenthood offered vasectomies on a sliding fee schedule but they required couples to take 2 or 3 classes first and have counselling to be certain we understood that we were making a permanent decision.

Two weeks later the procedure was performed; however, I was late for my period. I took a pregnancy test that showed negative. One week later we returned for my husband's stitches to be removed and I had the pregnancy test repeated...you guessed, it was positive.

Of course planned parenthood also does abortions and they offered me an appointment right away. My husband encouraged me to get the abortiion. I wasn't so sure. The more I thought about it the more I knew I couldn't do it. My thought was mamas don't hurt their babies.

I already had two little ones, I knew how awesome it was to hold them, to nurse them, I knew how alive they were. I knew what it felt to feel them kick inside me.

My husband persisted. He pushed and pleaded, he argued and did everything he could think of.

Then I went to the doctor. My son was in pre-school part of the day, so I made the appointment and took my little girl with me. I filled out all of the forms and went into the exam room. The clinic had a child care service so Wendy was there. The doctor came in and looked at my paperwork. He asked about my little girl, what disabilities did she have? I said she was fine. He wouldn't believe me, had me get dressed and go get her.

I had lost three babies in between my son and daughter and had to take injections weekly to keep from losing her. It turned out that the medication I had was recalled because it caused severe birth defects.

The doctors wanted me to abort the baby. They said it would be born missing one or all limbs and a vegetable. Now, the pressure was really on. I did not tell my husband about this new development.

When Ashley was born the only problem is that she has toes like mine, they sit sideways!! Her IQ was 146 at age 5 and she has been a nurse for 13 years.

I have never been sorry I gave birth to her and now she has given me three beautiful grandchildren!

God bless you as you face this decision.

Answer 11

I commend you on wanting to give birth to your baby. Holy cow what an absolute jerk your boyfriend is. Look, have the baby because if you kill your baby you will never -ever forgive yourself and probably be very depressed and hate yourself for doing it. Love the child and you will never regret having the child-honestly you will be very happy (not to say it won't be work-but you will lovingly want to share every moment with the child) One day the child will be old enough to help you someday as you helped bring him/her into the world. You will have the love of that child as you grow old. Look do not ever expect anything from the father because he is a selfish guy, life is all about HIM and the world revolves around the guy. If you do not have ANY expectations from him, you won't set yourself up for the constant frustrations of him letting you down. Get rid of him but make sure you collect child support even if you do not speak another word to him. You and your child deserves that much.