I have been lying to my partner (husband) of 20 years about the real status of our finances. We have a small business and are in the process of creating another one. The amount I wont say but it is quite substancial. I am so deep into this problem that I do not see another way out. I am scared to death about the consequences and his reation. I did not spend the money on myself - just bad management on my part and not being organised in the business. I am at a loss and am even considered leaving, which means leaving my kids as well. Everyday it is in my head and I continue to mislead him to this day. I know deep down what I need to do but am so fearfull that I cant.
2007-10-17 12:08:17 · 7 answers · asked by monisnoop 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you already know what needs to be done, which is good. Are you scared that he will become aggressive or that he will leave? If its leaving you already said you have considered just leaving which in my opinion is running away from the problem and not solving it. As hard as it is he needs to be made aware, because he will find out sooner or later. good luck
2007-10-17 12:15:05 · answer #1 · answered by bmdt07 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have a decision to make. Either keep living a lie or come clean. I would tell you that I believe that the way that you handle your money is the way you handle the other things in your life. You can tell what is important to you by looking at your checkbook. Your lying to your partner for so long screams that you do not really think your marriage is important. Get help, hire some one to manage your finances but be honest, you will feel such a relief after you are no longer car-ring this burden.
2007-10-17 12:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by DeWayne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The other answers are reasonable. I have a slightly different view on this particular situation.
If he has been unaware of the financial situation for 20 years, then he *deserves* whatever happens when he finds out. How could he be so oblivious for so long? Did he not care? Was he too intellectually inferior to know what was happening, or what?
Did you try to tell him or hint to him when you first found out the situation wasn't where it should have been? Did he dismiss you and your concerns?
Finally, if you did purposely deceive him for 20 years then you deserve to have him be angry with you. I would probably also advise him to divorce you--about what else might you have been lying, hm?
2007-10-17 12:25:46 · answer #3 · answered by Mathsorcerer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't?
Try won't.
You love him? want him? want the kids? tell the truth. Get the pain over with. The fear of the fights and the problems make them so much more scarier then they are. Also....your addiction to do this and not telling him is causing you ill health if you cannot sleep. Wandering around in life fearing th one person you love and the world because you might have to go through a little shame is silly.
The world is full of shamefaced people who make mistakes, presidents, soldiers, firefighters, police, etc., people who have responsibility of others entire lives and you just have some bills and maybe, maybe your husband will just fight with you? no abuse? no threats? you won't have to run for your life? you could go to church or thearpy and get help? you could keep your marriage and your kids if you get over your fear and deal with it now? Millions of americans have debt issues. It is a common mistake!!!! I mean realllly, the world over has money issues. Tell him.
2007-10-17 12:19:31 · answer #4 · answered by lithuim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is the very worst that can happen when he finds out? it is only money. you made a mistake and you tried to cover it up. if he cannot understand, make him understand. if you truly did your best, tell him so. if you are lying about this, what other lies have you told? He will definitely ask you. Be prepared to tell all. otherwise you may as well keep it bottled up inside. You know what to do girl... secrets are never good for any of us. if the roles were in reverse and he told you he mismanaged the money, what would your response be? give him the benefit of a doubt. Tell all of your family and friends ahead of time, just in case he really loses his cool. If you feel he will hurt you, make sure you confess in the company of others. good luck girl!
2007-10-17 12:16:15 · answer #5 · answered by NOlimits4ME 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get a counselor. Tell them. Then arrange for him to come in and TELL HIM before you extend yourselves even further with the second business.
You need to do it now if you ever hope to have a chance at saving the marriage.
2007-10-17 12:17:43 · answer #6 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either you tell him and he will be mad. Or he will find out another way and he will be ferious. Tell him yourself.
2007-10-17 12:16:07 · answer #7 · answered by moto1361 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋