I had a huge fight with my husband last night? What is your take on this?

Question

When my husband and I got married, he insisted upon getting joint bank accounts. I was not very excited about the idea, because I have heard bad stories about it. Anyhow, he is the one that now fully manages my checks, credit card bills etc. I work as a model, so I get paid by job not salary. He is a complete control freak and wants to know every single detail about when where and with whom I work and even asks me what I bought at the supermarket. I feel like I have no control over anything anymore. I don't know what;s going on with my money. I feel like I have lost my identity. Yesterday he was interrogating me again about how much I make and I got annoyed and snapped at him. We didn't speak all day yesterday and at night I got home and he yelled at me and called me stupid because I had locked him out of the house by innocent mistake. I couldn't take it anymore, and left and went to a friends house.he called me several times and we fought over the phone. He threw in my face like his

parents paid for our wedding. I think that's so wrong. I got mad and said mean things too. It ended that he said that he didn't love me anymore, wanted a divorce and wouldn't pick up the phone if I called. Isn't this behaviour immature? Is it so wrong to want a separate bank account if you feel powerless?

Answer 1

All I can say is a divorce sounds right to me.
I've been there myself and it really hurts.
If you can't get along , what ever problems you have,
it's better you be apart. Best wishes.

Answer 2

I think that you should definitely have your own bank account. Your husband sems to have a problem with self-esteem, which makes him wish to exert power by controlling your every move. I am sure that he has positive traits also, because otherwise you would not have fallen in love with him and have married him, but for a "normal" woman to live with a man who needs to be in control is very difficult and destructive. So I think that you made the right decision to go to your friend's house, and perhaps if you can stay there a little longer you could use this ooportunity to ask yourself whether you really want to continue life with your husband. If you do want to return to him it should be on your conditions, that is, with your own bank account and no obligation to give him an account of every minute of your life. If he cannot accept that you might better stay away from him.
I know this is a difficult decision to make. Just think about the rest of your life, though.. too much time to spend in misery.

Answer 3

It is very childish of him and if he wants a divorce for something as innocent as this, he isn't ready to be a HUSBAND. I have a joint bank account with my husband and also a separate one. He allowed me to have my own account and understood why I felt I needed one. He puts money in my account that is just for me as well as our joint account. He wants me to feel that I have control and that I have not lost my identity. He does it because he loves me.
Your husband should be understanding. Sit down and have a talk with him about how you feel. Let him know that you love him and having a separate account gives you back your identity and helps you feel like you still have some control over some things in your life. Also, ask him to let you take over some things occasionally without him breathing down your neck. He has to trust in you too. He will soon see that you are not out to hurt him but to help him in the marriage as well. He has to be a husband to you rather than a father. Don't argue or fight. Just talk to him calmly and leave nothing unsaid. Lay your cards all out on the table and let the chips fall where they may.
-Good luck.

Answer 4

One your hubby sounds a bit insecure..The wife and I have a joint a bank account,,, but theres no fighting over money..I cash my check and take what I need and put the rest in the bank and the rest she use's to pay the bills with..I don't ask my wife every detail of her day...I just figure if she wants to tell me she will. and same for me..One by him calling you names shows he does not really care about you...and your feelings..
I have been with my 17 yrs and married 16 and I have never called her a name...because I respect her. she's my wife ,lover and my best friend and he she treat you like that to.
I'm sure you can do better than him..next time open a savings in your name put a little back each time for your self then if something happens you got money to go on,

Answer 5

Wow...that's quite a fight! Step 1: You need to admit that you were never crazy about the idea of sharing accounts in the first place. Step 2: Be honest with him that you feel you've lost control and it makes you uncomfortable and that if you're going to share accounts, you want FULL access to your money. Step 3: give the sharing one more try, for 30 days. If you're still uncomfortable, take your money and get your own account and tell him that's just the only way you'll feel better.
Lastly, yes. He is being immature and stupid and it's alarming because you're trying to take back the control he took and he's flippin out about it. Speak to him in calm voices but get your points accross. He is not listening to you.

Answer 6

Lots of couples fight about money and finances. I think it should be a joint effort. You should both be making choices and decisions about your finances, the income from both of you should be discussed, as should the bugdet, mad money and goals. He does sound immature, but it doesn't sound as if you are handling your end much better. You feel like you have no control, so why not talk calmly about making some changes in how YOU AS A COUPLE handle money. Why does it have to be one person or the other?

Look up some books from Dave Ramsey.....

The two of you can be silly and throw your entire marriage out the door because you don't communicate effectively or you can attempt (both of you) to handle your disagreements like adults. Forget about who's right or wrong, and work to find a middle ground.

Answer 7

It usually is easier to have a joint account, but your husband seems very insecure with you so he's being controlling. You said you're a model, so you're probably very trim and pretty. When the two of you can calm down, you need to sit down with him and ask him directly why he needs to know every little detail about what you spend, etc. Ask him if he trusts you. He's your husband, so he should. There's something going on that's causing him to act like this. Once you find out, you can fix the problem and hopefully he won't be a control freak anymore. Good luck.

Answer 8

He wanted a joint account so he could control you. He's insecure, immature, and you should divorce him and make sure that you go to the bank ASAP and withdraw any money you feel belongs to you because he shouldn't get it all. He may have already withdrawn the money. It doesn't sound like you're very happy and you're losing your identity. There are men that don't act like this. You deserve better.

Answer 9

you need to get separate accounts, and if you are making enough to hire a bookkeeper, do that. he is a control freak and must consider himself your book keeper, accountant, and perhaps even father and mother!! Does he work or live off your money? I would imagine if you had a chance to advance in the modeling world you would take it, so think about this: if he is this bad now, how would he be if you were to get a bit part in a movie, or even just a few pages in a magazine, and so on.
You need your own account and he has no need to know how much you make, and you don't need someone like that to hold you back in life!! Think of Dorthy Stratton, and divorce him now!!

Answer 10

Your marriage is an equal partnership.
Tell your husband to back-off or are you afraid of him?
Who does he think he is?

My husband and I have a joint account. I may carry the checkbook in my purse, but his ATM card works just fine. I tell him what I spend and he tells me. No secrets.


The next time you get paid, go to the bank and open up your own account. Maybe that will wake your husband up.

Oh and for calling you stupid. Is this the same guy that vowed to honor and protect you in front of a bunch a of people?

Answer 11

If you think your largest problem in your relationship is a join account - then you are delusional !!!!

Sounds to me like you BOTH have trust issues, he has a control issue, and perhaps you both could benefit from some anger management / emotion control classes !

The bank account and finances are a sypmtom of a lrager problem. Figure THAT out and the banking will work itself out. You BOTH have a lot of repair work to do with each other becuase you BOTH let it get SOOOOOOO out of control over what should be a rather minor disagreement .....

Work on your relationship (if you want to save it) - the money issue(s) will work themselves out.