When my husband and I argue, he calls his mother!?

Question

When my husband and I argue, he calls his mother to come get him. Sometimes it's just to go gamble for a lil while and other times it's to "go stay a few days" at her house. He has packed up and gone to her house before but I usually call and yell at him, so he always comes back. So he has never actually spent the night there. But I'm so sick of him calling her. When my husband and I first started dating, she loved me. After we got married, she flipped. We do not speak to each other at all. She didn't even attend the wedding! How do I deal with my husband always wanting to call his mother? He does it to get at me ... I know it .. because he knows how much I dislike her. I told him last night that if he tells me one more time that he is going to his mother's that I will be filing for divorce first thing in the morning. I shouldn't have said that, but HOW do I deal with this situation????

He's 35, and I am 23. We have been married for 7 months and have been together for a total of 19 months.

Answer 1

Look on the bright side... At least he isn't getting his buddies to come pick him up or some other woman.
You shouldn't let it bother you. If his mother wants to come get him, let her. -You get a break to be alone. When he leaves, go out with your friends. Play the same games. Men don't respond to words. They respond to action. So, when you change up the usual routine, he will be shocked and wonder what is going on and why aren't you getting all bent out of shape when his mother comes for him. I'd personally help pack all his crap and put it out on the porch so his mama can get it. Kill em' with kindness. Never show him your weakness. Act as if nothing he does doesn't bother you anymore. Don't fight with him to come back home. -Instead, change the locks. Make it hard for him to come back home. You know that his mother knows the routine as well. When she comes to pick him up with all his crap, she will have to put a roof over his head and you know after three days, his crap will start to stink. She will be tired of having him there living off of her. He will have to start helping with groceries, or bills. It will cause a strain on him and her. So, the way I see it, Let them too go at it for a while. Next time, he will not be so quick to want to leave and she won't be so quick to come and get him. It's about time to put your foot down. Let him suffer a little bit. He will realize what he has. -Good Luck.

Answer 2

Sounds like you BOTH need to grow up !!!! Your relationship is FULL of devastating, yet empty, threats to try and control each other......

1) He runs to mommy to piss you off
2) You threaten divorce if he continues to do it.

First - if you're not planning on following through on it, NEVER, NEVER, EVER drop the D-Bomb when fighting. IF you don't follow through - then he comes to expect it and if you DO finally do it , he'll wonder why that time was different from all the rest !!!

Second - He needs help - professional help most likely. Cut the cord for Christ's sake. And his mother isn't much of a mom by enabling him to continue this type of crap over and over..... If my son called me or MY wife in suck a situation - I'd tell him to talk to his wife about it and work it out like adults - or leave, but don't come running to me !!!!

Sorry to say - you've married a infantile momma's boy, that have the 1st idea about how to be in an adult relationship if he goes running to his mommy with every fight you have.

Why the hell do you feel the need to call him and yell at him to come home ? If he leaves - let him leave. But let him know it will NOT be tolerated as a repeat act.

You both need to talk it out when NOT in a fight and decide how you will handle the situation next time it comes up.

Please tell me there's no kids involved - because you and your husband have enough juvenile tendencies to go around for your entire household !!!!

Get some professional help - both of you !!!!

You can leave him if you want - but still get the help for yourself, or you'll be doomed to repeat these mistakes in your next relationship.

Answer 3

its gotta stop. bottom line. an argument is also just a warning for bigger things. obvisuly if the man wasnt taught to stand on his morals and realise what morals where he wouldent be screaming about YOU mother. This should have ended in the school yard. Any argument that disseminates into this is not one a couple should have. Its cowardly, lazy, and not exstremely mature either. if youve been thinking lately you deserve better then your proabbly right move out for a month go to your mothers and get the on the phone with a lawyer.. wait until you have better taste in men and try again.

Answer 4

Sounds like mummy's little man doesn't need a wife he needs a surrogate mother. Sounds like" lf you don't give me what i want, i'll hold my breath till i turn blue, then you'll be sorry!" Next time you argue & he bails, DON'T CALL HIM, let the w@nker stew in his own juices for a while at mum's house, he'll wait & wait............& wait. All the while you should be at the movies, pub, whatever. Go out have a chill pill & let the wimp simpering back to you with his tail between his legs, like whipped dog. He'll either come around, or you'll will have lost some excess baggage with the extra attachment (mum)
NO-ONE needs that kind of cr@p in their life & you should not have to put up with it!
Good Luck
Smurf

Answer 5

The bad news is there is no answer of how to deal with this guy accept to just do it.

Nothing you say or do is going to change him. Real change has to come from within.

Now you have nothing left to do but keep true to your marriage vows. Take solace in the fact that as far as "for better or for worse goes", you are still getting off pretty easy.

Love him anyway. You ignored this about him before the wedding, so quit complaining about it now.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Call your father too! See how he reacts. If that's the way he treats you then play his 'game'. The next time you quarrel, he will think twice before calling his mother. Seriously, though, I think there is a sense of immaturity on the part of your husband and I wonder why his mother tolerates it. A threat of divorce is not a solution to your problem. Talk to him again.

Answer 7

You are a woman and he views your opinions as wrong. He's calling her because he wants another female to tell him he's correct. And his mother always will. The fact that has a good relationship with her is wonderful. The fact that he's using her as a go-between is ridiculous. You need to tell him that you expect him to work through your problems WITH YOU. He isn't married to his mother. If he doesn't agree, you need to stand your ground otherwise it isn't going to stop. Calling his mother all the time is one thing but using her like this is completely different.

Answer 8

How old are you and your husband? Seriously!

I hate to break it to you, but once a mama's boy, always a mama's boy. He isnt going to stop calling his mother simply because you ask him not to. And if he does, he is going to tell her it is because you told him not to.

I suggest marriage counseling for both of you. He needs to hear from a professional that his way of dealing with issues in the marriage is wrong. He wont listen to you, he will think you are just jealous. If he hears it from a professional then maybe he'll be more willing to listen.

Answer 9

It's all good and well to be close to your mother.....However he does not need to be leaving when you argue. The two of you may want to consider therapy, in order to learn a more productive way to argue, if the arguements continue to go unresolved this will eventually build up and have a major bad impact on other areas of your marriage.

All major discussions or arguements should be kept in the marriage and not anywhere else.

Answer 10

My mother-in-law loved me when I first met her. She started hated me shortly after we got married. At first she just tried to convince my husband to leave me and then she started making accusations about me that were unbelievable. Over the course of a year she ended up breaking us up. I'm now currently still married and without a pot to piss in because of my husband's relationship with his mother. I haven't even seen my husband or my child since January because she has taken him into her home and under her wing willing to do whatever and spend whatever to keep me miserable. She would have never hated me in the first place if my husband would have not ran to her every time we couldn't agree on something. Don't get the wrong idea, my marriage was a fairytale. I thought my husband was flawless and perfect. We did everything together. We would even check the mail and take out the trash together. Men who have that kind of mother and that kind of relationships with their mothers are hard to deal with. You've got to keep control of the situation. I know how mad you get. I'm sure every time he calls on her you literally want to scream and I'm sure most times you do. Just try to stay mutual between them and convince him that he's got to turn to you more than his mother. You've got to block out the bull crap and try to make the best of it before your marriage gets torn apart. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T EVER MOVE IN WITH YOUR INLAWS!!!!! If they are religious people, tell them to read Genesis Chapter 2 vs 24. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh"