Live-in boyfriend of two years.
We've talked about getting married a lot.
We get along GREAT he's amazing we're so in love. We're building a house.
Yesterday I said I didn't want to be on the loan because we're single- if we brake up and he bails on the payments (it's on his family land) I can't afford to pay it. if he's late on the payment it will hurt my credit. He kept saying this and that about "WHEN we get married." I didn't say anything really...
Today I want to tell him,
"Look if you plan to marry me we should be engaged, you obviously have some plan I'm unaware of, and you're going to need to share it with me, stop treating me like a kid and tell me what you want, we keep going back and forth on this and you leave me hanging. So you're obviously not the type of guy thats going to ask me, so I'm going to have to do the communicating for the both of us... TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!!!"
2007-10-17 10:59:19 · 24 answers · asked by Katrina 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks everyone!! I really appreciate the support I feel a little more secure about what I want to say.
Dragon::
I would love to marry him, but setting myself up for failure is not how I want to start. He seems to want to take things in the wrong stride. Being realistic is not being childish or uncommitted; In fact I want to be committed 100% to him, as long as we he is committed to me... to each other, but with reality and smart decision making behind us.
Seriously all of you, I appreciate the support and my Y! Friend very much...
Deep Breaths going to talk to him....
2007-10-17 16:34:47 · update #1
GO GIRL!
That was AWESOME!
You're 100% right!
Tell him: "I'll be on the loan after I have a wedding (not engagement) ring on my finger! And ... after I changed my name!!!"
Anyway... if he looks too insicure...
maybe he really doesn't deserve you.
Remember it's never good to "force" somebody to get married.
So... just try to find out what he has in mind.
And if you don't like it...
goodbye!
2007-10-17 11:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You definately need to tell him how you feel, maybe not quite so harsh. But let him know that you really need to know what direction your relationship is going with him and if he wants you to be on the loan for the home then you think you should be married before you make that kind of financial commitment. Good luck!
2007-10-17 18:03:46 · answer #2 · answered by Badkitty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont do it if a ballgame is on he wont hear you.
Your so in love and he is great (tony tiger great? or just great)
Being married is a partnership , if you go into business with someone your name goes on the company ownership paper's , so why on earth with the way divorce rates are would you risk NOT having your name on the paperwork so when he files for divorce because he cheated on you or vice versa , why would you risk him having the power to say austa la vista baby you can live on the street because the house is mine?
You really need to think this through and seek legal and pre-marital advice because he's not your daddy it isnt up to him to provide for you get out of fantasy land.
What I'm thinking is and this is from a male's point of view , if your not adult enough to accept the responsibility of ownership in part of the marrital house , then your not adult enough to be thinking of becoming part of a marriage .
2007-10-17 18:51:39 · answer #3 · answered by Dragon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am just going to be blunt with my answer. You would be a complete idiaot to put a house in your name that is going to be on his family's land, even if the two of you were to get married. If any thing was to happen that the relationship did not work out you would just be out of that money. Why is he insisting that your name be on the morgatge. It should not be that big of a deal, unless he needs you to be on the morgatge becuase he hasbad credit or some thing. I have been through stuff like this and to put some thing in both of your names is just stupid when you are not married
2007-10-17 18:05:01 · answer #4 · answered by Cristy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is telling you by not asking you to marry him. Don't put your name on that document. Know that a man stops at nothing for something he wants. Tell him that it is not enough for you to just move in. Why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free. Let him get the house on his own, don't live with him, and start taking action and doing things for you.
2007-10-17 22:03:21 · answer #5 · answered by Ali Cat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm welll ......
If you open with THAT paragraph - don't bet on a lot of open and honest communication. He's bound to be on the defensive with an openning volley like that.
With that said - I understand your frustration b/c you are getting mixed and inconsistent signals from him. I don't blame you for being upset.
You two need to sit down and TALK about what you are doing with your lives !!!!
Live in boyfriend, wants you on the mortgage papers for a house on his family's land, but you're not engaged, yet he speaks like he is going to marry you? WTF ?!?!?
I would strongly advise against you two building a house together until your relationship is in a more permament status. Only you and he can define what that is..... engaged, married, whatever....
It kind of seems to me that he already considers you two to be married - so maybe its not a big deal to him?
But - talk it out (rationally) - not as a screaming banshee - and figure out a compromise BEFORE you two get anymore hooked with poperty / etc.... Your a smart gal for wanting things defined before you go down that road.
There's a reason its supposed to go..... engaged, married, house, kids, etc......
Its not just for religious reasons - it can be done out of order - but it usually makes life a great deal more complicated than it needs to be (and often sets people up for failure in their relationships).
Best of luck to you.....
2007-10-17 18:10:06 · answer #6 · answered by aa889d 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well I wouldn't jump and say that to him. You are still young just explain that you would rather not be on the loan for the house right now and maybe later he can add you or something when you two are married. Take it slow do not rush into things.
2007-10-17 18:03:21 · answer #7 · answered by tearzofaprincess 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Im confused....
Are you saying you dont want to be on the loan, or are you saying he is offering but you dont want to be on the loan, you keep saying WHEN.
Are you worried that if you are not on the property and he does change his mind you are gone, even though you both built the house together.
Im confused. You say tell me what youre thinking.
Hell I cant figure out what you are thinking. Can you ask again. I will answer in a way to protect your interest in the property, even if you are not on the loan. If thats not what you are asking, I totally missed it.
2007-10-17 18:05:07 · answer #8 · answered by financing_loans 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will be setting yourself up for possible complications if you go on title to a property before you get married.
If you're living like your married - why not get married?
Why would you consider complicating your life marrying anyone who you are concerned and afraid to speak to and who you feel does not include you in "his" plans?
Think this through before you make the leap.
2007-10-17 18:05:10 · answer #9 · answered by micky 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i know that is what you feel and think, but sayin it won't get anything better.
Try:
You keep making reference to "when we get married: when we talked about the loan agreement.
If you want to get married before we sign the loan agreement, I'm willing to be on the loan. If you want to get the loan before we get married, i will not sign it.
and stop there.
don't wobble. no weasel words.
repeat those sentences (word for word) as often as necessary.
2007-10-17 18:05:21 · answer #10 · answered by nickipettis 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋