I'm 23, he's 36. I love him, he loves me. He drinks and smokes a bunch of BS from time to time. When he doesnt have either one, he takes out his aggression on me. He says if we relocated or got away for awhile, he'd be just fine.Basically he wants REhab without being REmoved from society, me, and his loved ones. What to do???
2007-10-17 10:45:29 · 6 answers · asked by ~*~FiJi's FiNeSt~*~ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
As a recovering addict I can tell you that a geographical change is only that. You can't run from yourself and until he is willing to face his problems heand on he will not change. If he is not ready to get clean then he wont. As far as you staying with him....well that is up to. You have to know how much you can handle and is he really worth it. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost k.
2007-10-17 11:06:42 · answer #1 · answered by still_standin22 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him, move on.
It's not that I don't believe in giving an alcoholic or drug addict a second chance, but I have an issue with the fact that he takes out his aggression on you. You don't say how, but whether it is just verbal abuse or physical abuse, it doesn't really matter. You are just 23, and you can easily find another relationship. Why put so much effort in here with a 36 year old? I personally think that even if the substance abuse problems and the aggression problems were too, you still have a relationship with a guy who is 13 years older than you. By the time you hit 27, you will be still a young woman and he will be hitting his midlife crisis.
It just doesn't sound like you have a keeper here.
2007-10-17 17:50:51 · answer #2 · answered by ZCT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick his behind and move on. If he is not responsible enough to be a man and get rid of his addiction with you right here, what makes you think that simply relocating will do the job for him? This is nothing but procrastination and an excuse on his part to try to convince you that he is not a loser.
In addition, if you say that he takes out "his anger" on you. I have no idea why you would even be with him in the first place. I am sure that you can do much better and find a man who is way more responsible and self-controlling.
2007-10-17 18:13:22 · answer #3 · answered by The Prince 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the other posters. Alcoholics need professional help to over-come this disease. Do not under any circumstances isolate yourself with this man! If he knows he needs rehab but is not willing to get it, then you know he is just making excuses and won't be giving up alcohol anytime soon.
He is putting his problem on others and not taking the responsibility for himself. As the other posters recommended, move on, before things get worse. And if he's not willing to seek professional help, it "will" get worse.
You are still young enough to start again. It might be a good idea to look into "why" you got hooked up with a guy like this in the first place?
2007-10-17 18:10:28 · answer #4 · answered by NanaCat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN RUN, He's in denial! REHAB is for QUITTERS and it doesn't sound like he's really that sure of his own intentions!! This a DANGEROUS time for you!! Tell him, to go get straightened out, and send for you!! Moving is just another normal defence the drinker/addict uses to deflect his actions, so this tottally OUT OF THE QUESTION, another safety issue for you!!! And here is the TRUTH of the matter!! If he isn't sick of the way he is, then nothing is going to do more then put a bandaid on the cancer he's got!! It can be a long drawn out process, if he defends his poor choice of actions!! LOVE has nothing to do with this!! If I had a big dog that I loved, and I thought he loved me,but kept bitting me, I'd get rid of him!!
2007-10-17 21:34:25 · answer #5 · answered by happywjc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, he sounds like he's running, I would tell him if he needs to move away he should go, but really he should enter a rehab, even if it's just a day program, go to AA and get support for friends and family. Moving will only isolate you and could be dangerous for all involved. I would tell him you will support him fully, but he needs to have a large support system and the more family and friends to help the better.
2007-10-17 17:53:08 · answer #6 · answered by chrmcraft1976 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋