Can this marraige be saved?

Question

I have been married for over 4 years (my 3rd marriage) and my husband has only worked maybe a total of 9 months. For 2 years I totally supported him financially. He has got his settlement and has spent it all on him and what he wants. He is at the bars every night until 8 or 9 and sleeps until noon. I resent getting up every morning and going to work while he lays up in bed, hung over from the night before. I know he has a drinking problem but doesn`t want to stop. He is trying to get on disability because he doesn`t want to work and he is able to work in my opinion.He cusses me and calls me bad names so I leave the house (his house) and just ride around. I have moved in with my parents so many times it`s crazy. My sonss hate him and won`t be around him because of his drinking. I can`t afford a place of my own so I stay. I still love him and keep hoping he will change back to the man I married. He also accuses me of being unfaithful, which I have not but I am very lonely.

Answer 1

I don't think it can be saved. And I think you need some therapy. There has to be some reason why you are picking such bad men.

Answer 2

This is an extremely hard situation you are in and i no because it is you third marrige you want to make it work but you need two people to make any partnership work. He sounds depressed and confused you need to write down exactly what you want in a marrigae and out of life ask him to do the same {even if he does not do it you do it}. Once you wirte down these things look at your relationship and see if it can get there if he agrees go over the list with him and try to compromise your lists together. If it's not going to work you should be able to leave like i did everything i could to make this work. Anything worth having is worth fighting for don't just walk out on your marriage, someone once told me you don't have a marriage unless you go thorugh something that is what makes the marriage strong {this person was married for 30 years} If you look over your list and speak to your husband and thier is still resistance then pray for direction and do what will make your life closer to your list.

Answer 3

The fact that you are lonely is probably got you into this marriage, and perhaps the one before that as well. you need to talk to someone and build up your self esteem, move in with your parents and help them out with money as best you can until you can get your own place, and divorce him. You may see him as someone you love but look at him through your son's eyes and you will see a jerk who is taking advantage of you and who will never change or he would have when he got the settlement that you speak of. he is a drunk who may also be alcoholic
and will stay one for the rest of his life. You on the other hand, can dump him, get your self esteem back perhaps meet someone who will be good for you, and perhaps get back the respect of the children who see you putting up with this jerk they hate. The drunk you see killed the man you married long ago so there is no reason for you to honor or stay married to the jerk when there are many others out there who would love to meet you but you need to build up your self esteem and look for them first. Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

to have a long lasting marriage the couple should work for it ,not just a wife nor a husband,your husband needs to be more responsible and be more matured.he cant just depend on you all the time.if there's a person need to give the good life in your family ,that's him not you.he cant just be drunk all the time while you're trying to be a good provider of your family....If he can't change u better to leave him instead to suffer all of your life ,besides he's not a good influence to your kids.i know it's not easy to leave someone you love but u have to think of yourself and your kids future...he's not the last man in this world ,u can still find somebody else ,who's more responsible and treat you as a wife

Answer 5

If he doesn't stop drinking and make an effort to save your marriage, you're not going to have it. It takes TWO to make a marriage work! I have never heard of anyone getting disability just because the don't want to work. IF this is you're third marriage, it looks like you need to work on you too ... Are you picking men who you think you can fix? Men like women are NOT fixable unless they choose to get help!

My Mom has something called "MG", not even going to attempt spell it out, if you google MG, you'll find out more about it, anyway, they WILL not give her disability, because her body still works, NOT well, but it works! SAD HU!?

Answer 6

Let me guess, you two are African-American. Only black people try to scam the system and try to go on disability. Meanwhile, the people that really deserve it has a hard time getting it. This is one lazy fart. You must have very low self esteem to be with someone like this. It's costing you more to stay with him. He is wasting your time. To answer you question, NO, THAT MARRIAGE WILL NOT LAST AND SHOULD BE ENDED. I'm beginning to think there's something with you because you're married 3 times??????? Lord have mercy!!!!. You need to stay single for at least 5 years after you divorce this person.

Answer 7

Very doubtful this marriage can be saved...You are enabling your jerk of a husband by supporting his drunken *ss! Don't use the excuse that you can't afford to live on your own.....You said that you have been supporting this fool for 2 years!! Get some self respect and leave this disgusting pig!!

Answer 8

Unfortunatley, evryone knows someone like you. and they also know that you will stay with him no matter what, or you will leave and find another one just like him. We can't explain it, it's just that way. Mine is Suzie. Suzie left her husband with her two children and moved into the apartment near me. Although suzie is attractive, I have never wooed her other than being nice. Here comes donnie. donnie is apparently a twin to her Ex husband. They fight and argue constantly it seems. susie wears sunglasses even when it is dark outside and I can see the blood on her lip. You get the picture. but, evena after talking to her, I learn that she still Loves him. Oh well , What do you do. sorry for your situation.

Answer 9

Why would you marry him if he didn't have a job? Being married 3 times what are you trying to run a race with Liz Taylor or something! Think marriage through more carefully and consider what your getting yourself into before you leap and jump into it if there's going to be a next time! Your husband has issues! Set up shop and get yourself together you don't have to divorce him but I would prepare to leave!

Answer 10

The marriage can be saved if BOTH of you work to try to save it. He HAS to do his part, too, which includes stopping drinking and starting to be an equal partner.

You are in a codependant relationship with an alcoholic. Tell him he MUST go to AA in order to save your relationship, and you should go to a support group for partners of alcoholics to gain coping skills and tools. He needs to work just as hard as you do to fix this - he MUST be willing to - you can't do it all for him, neither should you.

Answer 11

doesn't sound good. I would be going crazy if I were you. I think that you need to just leave him for at leats a month or 2 and then if you really loves you he will realizae what he has lost and maybe change his ways. Just let him know that you are serious.