my son drinks alot an is 23 at home on disability?

Question

and he does not listen to our rules, and trys to take run of the house. right now i been looking for a place for him to move to.. i cant take his disrespect anymore, he also brings cops here daily and gets in trouble alot with law. pety stuf mind you, but police know him personlay and dont like him..my husband works midnites so he isnt much help. son is up all nite raiding our fridge and so forth, he does not pay rent or anything, just his phone bill. im asking here is it rude to just go get him a place to live, even if its a slum, since he cant afford much. but he is corrupting my house hold, has been since he was 16yrs old, now 23 yrs old...he refuses help or counsiling, he and i do not speak with out arguements he lies to his dad all the time on everything, he leaves all hours of the night and leaves my door open, returns about 10 min before his dad gets home, and usualy drunk. and loud..hubby had enough as well but feels sorry for him.. he also has a gf and baby..

for those who need to know. his disability is an organ detriating and life expectancey isnt to great

Answer 1

I am so sorry, just remember, you are only family by DNA. At 23 and receives a monthly check he should be on his own. It is not fair that you can not live you own life. It would be tough love, but you need to make him move and stick with it. Also, he need something to keep him occupied. I am sure his disability is because of his drinking and he is able to afford it since he is living off of you. Good luck and take control.

Answer 2

wow....
23 years old and still at home, with a girlfriend and a baby? Yikes! He really needs to learn some personal responsibility. As a parent I understand that some have a hard time booting their kids out on their butts into the real world but sometimes that's just what needs to happen.

You didn't really say why he is on disability though....may I ask?

I was out on my butt by the time I was 17 - a bit sooner than I would have liked but I was a pain in the @$$ (I can admit that now but back then I was in denial). I lived with friends for the first while and then at 19 I got my act together. I've been paying rent and bills and all that jazz since then (I'm 25 now and a responsible adult - at least I think so). Looking back I'm thankful that my parents did that for me. It was a reality check that I was not really prepared for but I survived and so will your son unless he chooses not to. He can't be dependent on you forever and will need to learn that life and his actions has it's consequences. He may have to be the live and learn type...perhaps?

Answer 3

If he can do all that, plus intimidate you, he doesn't sound too disabled. What exactly is his disability? For starters, I would buy a lock for your refrigerator. Right now you are enabling his bad behavior, for which disability is no excuse. It is not rude to find him another place to live. It will help him to appreciate what he has been taking for granted, and if he is paying rent he won't have so much to spend on partying. You sound like a good person, which probably means you raised him right, which probably means he will eventually grow up and start understanding life. But it won't happen if you keep on being a doormat.

If that organ is deteriorating, it will be worse with the excessive drinking. Think of moving him out as something you can do to prolong his life and improve the quality of it.

Answer 4

You aren't doing him any favors by letting him stay there and get drunk and get in trouble with no repercussions. He isn't learning to take responsibility for anything. Yes, you should get him a place of his own and let him pay for it. You and your husband need to band together on this decision though because it will be a confrontation when you tell your son he has to go. Really, it is in your son's best interest to make him stand up on his own two feet.

Answer 5

I'm really sorry about you problems, and I can totally understand!! My sons (1step), started the same thing at our home!! And after months of putting up with it!! But, I told them, I LOVE YOU, but its over, pack your crap &leave rite now.Not in a day,or hour NOW, get out NOW!! If you end up in prison, at least you'll be safe,except(from BUBA). They left, and stayed gone for several days, returned to finish packing,(it was already done, by me). And I felt guilty for months, sick w/worry!! But I kept praying for them, their safety, etc. And guess what, In less than a year, they had both taken good jobs, didn't drink as much,ALCOHOL=$$$$, they are doing really well! It was really tough, but sometimes LOVE has to be TOUGH!!!! GOOD LUCK&You'll be in my prayers!!

Answer 6

You need to set up some healthy boundaries. It is wrong what he is doing, but he will not change his behavior if you continue to enable him. I suggest you check out some CODA meetings or if you think he has a problem with alcohol, AL ANON. Forget tring to get him help, he doest want it. Get yourself some help in learning how to take care of yourself, which eventually will mean strenghth in not allowing him to contaminate your life.

Answer 7

And its only gonna get worse! Break his plate! Who's house is it again? The type of disability is the only unclear thing! Better only one person being miserable than three!

Answer 8

He's gotta leave and get his own place. It's time for him to grow up and realize mom and dad aren't going to bail him out of everything. He needs to take responsiblity over himself.

Answer 9

Have him go on section 8 housing (if you have that)...just get him his own place, you'll feel better and not fell as bad when he f**cks up.

Answer 10

kick him out. you dont need the daily aggravation he is causing to your home and your life. he will have to grow up some time. make it now. good luck