Was i wrong? please be honest?

Question

so i have this friend, we have been friends for about 6 yrs now, they prob is that she is sooo unstable when it comes to men. she has a different guy atleast every other month , and gets in horrible situations cause of it. I feel that she is really desperate to find " her soulmate" , she has a pattern. Week 1: i met this guy he is great. week 2 ohh i i love him, he is the one week 3 the guy is already in her house sleeping over she is cooking and cleaning for them , mind you she has a 3 yr old daughter who is seeing all of this, by the 5 th or 6 week , she is already having a problem with the guy and leaving him or him leaving her. Now of course she comes to me for advise , and i am a very honest person. i will not sugar coat anything for her, I tell her exactly what i feel , that basically she she doesn't give her relationship the time to grow correctly. she is jumping from stage 1 to stage 5 basically, and skipping the middle.

she was dating this guy recently , and last week her and this guy got into an argument that turned physical, now i don't agree that a man should put his hands on any woman, but honestly i am so sick and tired of hearing stuff like this every other month that when she called me histerically i really did not have any other words for her and i giggle slightly and said "thats bad" . its wasn't to be mean really it just came out that way. plus i was a bit distracted , anyways she wrote me an e-mail , stating how bad of a friend i am , and that i am selfish, but yet when i was going through and eviction , and i would call her for advise she would totally cut me off to talk about her love life. i have tried giving her advice and she keeps on doing the same mistake over and over , i mean what else can i do , was i mean

the problem is that in the e-mail , she litteraly said that she is dismissing me , she thinks that i am critizing her instead of advising last year she did the same , and i don't know what else to do to give her advise without her thinking i am judging or critizing

last year , she met this guy over the phone , went to florida to get him brought him back to ny , it was suppossed to be for 1 week, then i guess she convinced him to stay with her after a month of being with her , one day while at work , he dissapeared and only left a letter never called her again, it affected her so badly that she suppossedly has been seeing a psychologist, but i see nothing changing

Answer 1

It sounds like your friend has a co-dependency problem. It can come from learned behavior while growing up. It's not something that goes away on it's own, in fact it can only get worse for her (as you are seeing with the abuse coming up now) There is only so much a person can do to help. Your friend has to acknowledge that she has a problem and seek help in addressing her issues. She needs to help herself first before anyone else can.

Nothing says you can't still be friends and supportive of each other. But your friend "is" looking for love in all the wrong places and will continue to do so unless she gets some professional help with past issues.

Maybe you could suggest going with her to talk to a family counselor?

Answer 2

No you are not wrong,it sounds as if you are the only stable relationship in her life,my opinion is that something traumatic happened to her at an early point in her life that is causing her to search for validation that she is a worthy human being,this need in her is so very strong she is not thinking about how her search affects others ( her little daughter and you)and unless she gets into counseling she's not going to change.Normal people learn from their mistakes,in this sense she can be characterized as not normal.Try to convince her to seek counseling and try not to give up on her.I think if I were in your friend's situation I would be blessed to have a friend like you.

Answer 3

Your friend and you both sound a lot like me. I start and stop liking guys way too frequently, except that I never date any of them because I'm a wuss. I'm like you in that if someone asks my advice, I give it to them straight. No, you are definitely not wrong in doing what you are doing; I think your friend should know that a relationship is like getting into a pool...if you just jump in it will be shocking, but if you slowly get in step by step, it will work much better.

Answer 4

Pleez, if you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask me. That what I tell my friends when they play that Russian Roulett Game. The truth will set you free, and make some people angry!! When a person, asks for advice, they need the trugh, not some sugar coated placebo, to add to their pain!! Just be polite to them & keep telling them the way it is!!!

Answer 5

your friend will never find better, until she feels she deserves better. You are right, don't sugar coat it, she needs to hear and understand the truth. The life she is living will kill her in the end, her spirit and self worth is gone and she will never find then again.
She was lucky to have a friend like you, and if she wants out of the friendship, count yourself blessed.

Answer 6

i agree with you a million percent. she should have taken things slowly first. find out stuff that they have in common, his personnality and character. and she must think of her daughter. when she grows up she's gonna want to do the same thing, cause she's gonna think that it is normal cause mommy use to do it. your friend is just desperate, she wants someone to love her i guess make her have a sense of belonging. dont give up on your friend. still talk to her and keep on reminding her that she's not just hurting herself, but she's hurting her daugther as well. she's not being a good role model to her daughter.

Answer 7

You're completely correct. Although, I don't think she's looking for her soulmate. She's looking for attention. She defines her worth by being in a relationship. She's a relationship addict. So she jumps quickly only to find disappointment.

Answer 8

each and every time your honesty will harm somebody else. My mom and Thumper stated, "in case you haven't any longer have been given some thing magnificent to assert, do no longer say something in any respect." yet while a individual you know feels love for you, yet you do no longer experience that way approximately them, it may be extra effective to be gently ordinary with them in spite of the certainty that it may harm their emotions. to lead them on will reason lots extra soreness then to be ordinary from the beginning up.

Answer 9

It sounds more like she's looking for a bed partner, rather then a soulmate, She need to get to know them, and not just in a physical way,

Answer 10

I think you were correct in what your doing but at this point she really needs a friend.Advise her not to do things like this.but dont leave her bc she needs you. Also, are you in a relationship? she may be comparing herself to you.