I've been married almost 15 years. I thought everything was fine until 6 months ago. It wasn't. Now we are trying to work through issues I didn't even know were issues. Has anybody out there been through serious problems and come out on the other side o.k.?
2007-10-17 09:10:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not planning on giving up, but I'm just so tired. I didn't know about the situation, I believed the lies for years. I just wish I could reclaim the feeling of love I used to believe in.
2007-10-17 09:23:28 · update #1
Ashleybr... we have had issues in our marriage before, just not any that made me question if he really loved me. I'm not a dope, just way too trusting. Give me a break please.
2007-10-17 09:35:17 · update #2
everyone changes through out life, and some things that are issues for one person are not issues for another, therefore you not knowing something is an issue is not hard to understand, but what comes into play at this point is something very hard for some people, its called compromise, and since you have been in your marriage for 15 years, you know you must give and take at times you really dont want to, i was in this situation a while back, and it took time, almost a year, but things did work out just fine, in fact better than they were before, we finally sat down one night and i asked my husband if he wanted to stay in our marriage, because i knew i did, and he said yes, so we decided then and there, that we would leave issues in the past, and go forward, and we have never brought up that issue ever again, and we both had to do some changing, and alot of compromising, so yes it can work, but only if both people are willing to make it work! good luck!!!
2007-10-17 09:22:10 · answer #1 · answered by oh really 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
15 years is great. Never give up. Even though my wife and I have only been married 5 years we've had difficult times too. In 5 years we had three children, I'm still finishing school, and at most I've only been able to work part time (less money is very hard on a relationship).
Yeah it's been tough, but I wouldn't trade it for all the world. If both of you work at it there's nothing you can't do.
2007-10-17 09:34:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I had issues of my own making about 12 years ago. We realized that we needed to communicate better and I began therapy and it has helped immensely. We both realized that we were in it for the long term and we will celebrate our 21st anniversary later this year. There are times when a marriage is tough. Commitment is the key Issues always come up that are unexpected and communication is the only way to deal with them.
2007-10-17 09:17:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hard? Yes. Worth it? Yes.
As the old cliche goes, "good things don't come easy." Unless, of course, some 80 year old farmer in Kansas who doesn't need money wins the lottery.
But for the rest of us, marriage is work. But you have already claimed your victory by your own admission. You stated "trying to work through".
Just know, that as long as both parties are "willing", nothing is too hard for the both of you. Not unfaithfullness, not finances, etc. It truly is up to each partner how the marriage fares.
2007-10-17 09:19:30 · answer #4 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all marriages have hard times. if it was easy then there would not be a high divorce rate. my hubby and i have 6 grown daughters and 10 grand children. i promise we have had more then our share of hard times. im sure he has thought about walking out the door and never coming back.i know i have, but i didnt nor did he. i know it sounds crony but love will always keep you together. problems will always come up, its how we handle them that makes them o.k. i dont know what happened 6 months ago (i assume i know what happened)and all i can say is we can get pass any thing as long as the other understands what he did wrong...good luck to you...
2007-10-17 09:26:23 · answer #5 · answered by BLOODHOUND 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that everyone has problems to some degree. You don't always agree on things and you make each other mad. We have always worked through ours. I don't know what you mean by serious but if you both want to work through them and you both try then you should be fine. Good luck to you.
2007-10-17 09:25:15 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married 15 years, something in common here!
Yes, I have been through serious problems with mine, and we came out on top! We have been married for 15 years, and have a beautiful 10 year old daughter!
Let us flash back to about 11 years ago, my husband was working downstate in Niles, Michigan, and he had another job on the side landscaping, to earn money, so we can afford to pay the bills, well, I was on medication and gained weight, and got overweight, and I was trying so hard to lose weight, and nothing was working.
He was working so hard to not come home to see me because he did not find me attractive anymore, and he was starting a really good friendship with this company tramp at work.
So, I got really tired of him not being home, not being a parent to our daughter, so I started taking some diet pills and eating right and exercising right, and started to look really good to the point where other guys were noticing me!!!
So, here I was looking good, loosing weight, and getting noticed from everyone BUT my husband, I was in the plus size, I weighed, close to 180 pounds, was loosing the weight, I weighed 150 pounds, and he was still not noticing me, or paying attention to his daughter, he still liked the company tramp!!!
So, one day while he was sleeping, he worked the night shift, I packed up the car, took me and my daughter, and left him!!!
Moved up-state with family, filed for a legal seperation, and got my own home and my own job, and continued to lose the weight and keep it off and stay fit!!!!!!
I now weigh 115 pounds, I am tan, my daughter is beautiful and we still go swimming every Saturday, for two hours!!! What a wonderful job it does on the bod, let me tell you!!!!!
So, I kept in touch with him after we moved (me and my daughter), and he saw our daughter at my mom's house, I did not want to have anything to do with him, and he saw pitchures of how I look now, and one thing led to another, for the sake of our daughter, we started talking, and eventually through a long period of time, we eventually reconciled our marriage, and renewed our vows!!! Now it is fifteen years going on sixteen in February!!!!!!
If you are trying everything to make your marriage work and it is not working, then maby a seperation is what you need for the both of you, it sounds like you need time for your thoughts, and time to re-think your marriage, sometimes it works, sometimes it does not, but it is worth a shot before you throw fifteen years of marriage out the window!
2007-10-17 09:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
its not unfortunately. if you haven't had a "real issues" in 15 years then the marriage is either built on a lie or someone is not being real. try going to a marriage counselor to find out.
2007-10-17 09:27:29 · answer #8 · answered by ashleybredesen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, marriage can be hard. I think that's why the vows cover so many different areas. If it was easier, no one would get divorced. Marriage has its highs and lows - hang in there.
2007-10-17 09:20:37 · answer #9 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was so easy, the divorce rate wouldn't be over 50%. And we have been married 33 years.
2007-10-17 09:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋