What is Cheating?

Question

I helped some people pass some classes, spent a lot of time on the phone and texting before I found out how expensive it was. When I found out I hid the phone bill from my wife because she really is "into" money. Nothing ever happened sexually, there was no "intimate" talk or anything. My wife has spent the last year before this making sure I was "in my place" to the point that our daughter understood how I hated coming home, even though she won't tell her mother that. Now my wife is even more depressed and angry because I have had what she calls an emotional affair. She checks my email, checks the PC, etc.... and keeps demanding that I tell her the truth. I feel like going out and having an affair since I am getting blamed for it anyway. It seems like this is a car wreak just getting ready to happen. The problems in the marriage were both our faults, lying about the phone bill and not telling her about the classes was definately my fault. What can I do?

Answer 1

Helped some people with classes and it was expensive? So you hid the phone bill? C'mon....you must think we're idiots here.

Answer 2

If she's just the insecure, jeolous type, then drop the sponge and move on to a more meaningful relationship where you can tell the other person everything!

Or just be honest from this point on and regain her trust in you... it will take 18 months to 2 years for this. Are you up for the challenge and the change?

Whatever dude, bottom line is you have to let other people feel, you have to give the other person the opportunity to feel, especially your wife. You're not protecting anybody from anything, be honest and stop living a double life.

Answer 3

WOW!
Sounds like your wife is already the jealous type. If you have not had an affair and your biggest crime was hiding a phone bill because it was too high...you are not a criminal. Quit feeling like everything wrong in your marriage is your fault.
Sounds like your wife could be alot more concerned about seeing the you as the man she loves not the man she loves to demand and command.
Dont be a wimp. STAND UP! Let your wife know you love her and that she is important to you but you will not allow her to be a bully. She really does sound like the dominary one.
Just a hint......maybe she really wants you to be the dominary one.

Answer 4

I hope you are really telling us the truth....
But anyway your going to have to let it die down. You are obviously hurt that she doesn't trust you. And of course you don't want to come home to that. She does have a reason though. I would be suspious too if my husband hid a phone bill from me. All you had to do was explain it to her and not hide it. Now in her eyes, you look like you were hiding something. If NOTHING really happened and you are innocent, please prove it to her. Make her feel reassured. There is nothing worse than thinking that your husband could cheat on you. And about checking your email and things. She will do it. She thinks you are hiding something from her. Hopefully there is nothing on there that she will find. Tell her why you don't want to come home to her. Who wants to come home to a nagging/un able to trust person?.......if you are telling the truth :)

SEE. You are making people on here not exactly believe you! I hope you can see where your wife is coming from!

Answer 5

All you have to do is get right with the Lord. If your marriage was based on God and the bible and everything like that NONE of this would have ever happened. Look at everyone that I know that has God in there lives and marriages my parents have been married for almost 26 years. Grandparents 50 years. I'm not saying that you won't go through hard times because marriage is about go through hard times with your spouse. But until you get right with God go and make her a special dinner talk to her just one on one and tell her everything that has been going on in your life. And don't cheat on her just because she thinks you already have! Just take it slow and remember your vows to her when you got married. Divorce is such a horrible thing!

Answer 6

I don't think you cheated. You say there was no intimate talk or contact. So no you did not cheat. Talking is not cheating. It seems things are not well between you two. I can't tell you what to do because I am in a bad marriage myself. It seems your like me. Not happy but not willing to take the big steps needed for things to change. We rather stay in bad marriages than have to start over. I guess we're stuck until fed up enough to say the heck with it.

Answer 7

If you still love your wife you should get some family counseling. For some reason she is terribly insecure about her place in your life.

As for cheating, yes you are emotionally cheating. Maybe not as severe as physically cheating but it can lead to it. It is like a first step and if you don't want to take the second step you should stop tempting fate.

If you don't have love for your wife anymore then you might want to consider separation. You can't put your relationship back on track unless both of you are on the same thought pattern.

Get some counseling and get your wife to go with you.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Come clean about it and tell her what you just told us here.
Obviously you can see what your lies have created.
She has become paranoid, and it's all up to your lies.
Only you can undo what you started by coming clean about AND about your reasons for doing it, so she can understand that something has to give if both of you are to remain into this marriage.
You have nothing to lose by telling the truth the way it is.
If you don't, you'll have to passively watch your marriage go down the drain.
Good luck.

Answer 9

talk to your wife... and be careful being so chummy with other women. Friendships can easily develop into something more, especially when a marriage is stressed by daily life. Talk to your wife and try to remember together why you love each other. good luck.

Answer 10

There has to be more to this, you wouldn't hide a phone bill if it was innocent, regardless of money.