When you're in great shape, smart, beautiful, a great mom, adventurous in bed, & your husband still moves around like you're part of the furniture, doesn't want sex except when he's in perfect health and not stressed (never), doesn't seem to want to spend time with you, is more your roommate than partner, is it fair to ask for more out of life? If he can't love me now, then when? Is it too much to ask for affection, or friendship?
For more than 10 years I've kept putting one foot in front of the other, without meaningful communication or connection. I've got lots of good years left, I have so much to give, but its hard to keep giving to someone who doesn't really care. Is it fair to kids to have them live in a house without love? Is it fair to me, to be asked to live without it? To be rebuffed when I want to talk about what's going on with us? Other than a complete and total lack of intimacy & communication, everything else is fine. But isn't it an essential component of marriage?
2007-10-17
08:44:45
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23 answers
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asked by
mom23
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Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, it's not acceptable to feel that have a roommate for a husband. Talk to him about the way you feel. Let him know you are seriously considering getting out of the relationship because of the lack of intimacy. Not just sexual but emotional too. Talk about counseling, setting up at least one weekly date and begin reconnecting with one another. Give it a try. It's not over yet.
2007-10-17 08:56:22
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answer #1
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answered by Jasmine808 6
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Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/e9qhh
However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?
You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.
2016-02-12 10:05:18
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answer #2
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answered by ? 3
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I would say yes but I'm single and haven't even been on a date in over 4 years so you probably shouldn't listen to what I say.I divorced(15 years ago) my ex-wife for cheating with a bunch of guy and they mailed me a video and photo's of it but after being alone and celibate for the last 4 years I wonder sometimes if I wouldn't be better off if I had stayed married to her.I think it's different for women.You can pretty much get a new guy the day you move out if you want.Hide the money and assets and hire a lawyer.Move on with your life and find someone that will love you back and let the kids be raised in house full of love.Good luck.
2007-10-17 08:55:36
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answer #3
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answered by notagain49 6
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OK.. I don't even need to read the details to know that YES... your marriage is over. If you are willing to ask others if its over.. then YES... its over.
Now.. lets read the details:
"When you're in great shape, smart, beautiful, a great mom, adventurous in bed"
- good for you!!!!!
"your husband still moves around like you're part of the furniture, doesn't want sex except when he's in perfect health and not stressed (never), doesn't seem to want to spend time with you, is more your roommate than partner"
- ooooooo sounds like typical signs of someone who is cheating to me.
"is it fair to ask for more out of life?"
- YES it is!!!!
"Is it too much to ask for affection, or friendship?"
- Nope.. when you are married thats kinda expected i would think.
"For more than 10 years I've kept putting one foot in front of the other, without meaningful communication or connection. I've got lots of good years left, I have so much to give, but its hard to keep giving to someone who doesn't really care."
- sounds like you have thought a lot about this already and made up your mind.
"Is it fair to kids to have them live in a house without love?"
- nope... another good reason why this marriage needs to end.
"Is it fair to me, to be asked to live without it? To be rebuffed when I want to talk about what's going on with us?"
- Nope... its not.. communication is THE most important thing in a marriage.
"Other than a complete and total lack of intimacy & communication, everything else is fine."
- really? I would think that this has undermined everything else...
Part of me says to give the marriage counseling a try.. but I don't think he would go for it. BUT.. as a last ditch effort see if he will. If he won't.. then.. well its time to draw up the papers and decide who gets the kids on which holidays... sorry.
2007-10-17 08:52:17
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answer #4
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answered by .... 5
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What about your husband are you thankful for? Is he a good provider? Is he faithful? Is he helpful around the house? Does he keep his word? Is he a good father? Is he in shape? Takes care of his health? Bathes daily?
Try to list the things about him that you do respect and then let him know, with honest statements, what it is you respect about him. If you are thankful he works hard to faithfully bring home the bacon, let him know you respect his dedication to providing to his family. Men need to know they are respected. When he feels respected and appreciated for what he does do, he will more likely respond to you in a more loving manner. When he does open up to you, though, I would strongly advise that you do not belittle anything he says or thinks, as he will clam up again. Which, again, if he feels respected by you - he will respond more lovingly. That is how it works.
Good luck. You've made it this far, so put a bit more investment into your marriage.
2007-10-17 08:53:23
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answer #5
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answered by Stefka 5
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Mom23, Dear if what you say is true then darlin you have already paid your dues it is time to figure out now just how to get along on your own with your kids ! Intimacy and communication are two essential pilars in a marrige ! Jesus is another and he certainly is failing to love, cherish and fulfill your hearts desires ! I will pray for you !
2007-10-17 09:01:54
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answer #6
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answered by lonewolf 7
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Talk to him. It doesn't matter if he doesn't want to talk ....make him. I know that sounds awful but you need to find out why he's being like this before it ruins your marriage. I have seen too many kids go through divorce situations, it is never good for the kids. I'm sorry but really try to figure things out before your kids end up getting the shaft. Try couseling or something. If he won't go you go and get advice on how to get him there too.
2007-10-17 09:04:25
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answer #7
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answered by just me 6
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Almost the same happened to me. And I found out that my life is in my hands and nobody Else's. It is my choice to be happy at my own standards and it is my duty to fulfill that goal. By your own standard, are you happy with your marriage??? By what you said you are not happy so, take an action now!!! For your sake and your kids. Do not blame your husband or anyone else, you can take an action. I can not say what action because i do not know you, but I know the answer is in you.
Good luck and pursuit your happiness, nobody else will...
2007-10-17 09:38:13
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answer #8
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answered by adsomx 3
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Men don't usually shrink away from their wife for no reason. Quick question...was he affectionate in the first place??? If he wasn't then he's just naturally not affectionate and you can't make him. If he was and then he stopped then there is something he is not telling you. Something has him feeling under appreciated and you need to figure out what. If it's been happening for a while then this might take a lot of digging.
2007-10-17 08:57:47
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answer #9
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answered by sugapussy99 1
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He has become COMFORTABLE with the everyday habits of your relationship! He has forgotten or is lost. How long have you been married? It might be time for a marriage counselor to help the 2 of you communicate and figure out what is going on! This happened to me I lost the Woman I love because I was to blind to see what I had in front of me! get help talk to someone! Good luck!!
2007-10-17 08:51:52
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answer #10
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answered by im_all_about_sports 2
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