I have been married and then divorced, married and right now I'm going through another divorce. My man wants to get married but this will be my third marrege and I'm affraid that this one will end up the same way as the others. I don't want to be that old woman that was married 50 times in her life. I want to settle down and just be happy.
2007-10-17 08:31:55 · 19 answers · asked by jessicabranigin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are no guarantees. You didn't expect your marriage to end when you were at the alter with the 1st guy did you? Or the 2nd guy?
It's a gamble...we try to make a good decision and hope our choice is what's best for us, but the truth is we don't have any control over the other person and sometimes things occur that we couldn't have foreseen.
You can stop at 2 marriages and be done...or you can take a chance and marry again and see what happens. Either way, being happy is up to you (not anyone else).
2007-10-17 08:35:22 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well...if you are going through a divorce I would say NO to the wedding right now. Mostly because you haven't had a chance to figure out who you are. A lot of relationship problems (i.e. picking the wrong guy) is because you're not really sure what you want, you don't really know the person, and / or you're only with them because you don't want to be alone.
If someone is "right" for you...well it's not something that you can really describe that easily. It's more than being able to live with that person. It's NOT being able to live without them. It's loving them for who they are and NOT who they can be. Usually it takes some time for a person to realize that they even love someone much less whether or not they want to spend the rest of their lives together. You can't just be willing to 'over-look' their problems but actually accept them and not want to change them. Think about what happened in your other relationships. Why did you marry them in the first place and why are you now divorced from them. Something had to have happened. What were the deal breakers? Does this present guy have some annoying habit that really grates your nerves BUT you dismiss it because you're 'in love'? That same problem will magnify every little other problem in the marriage and make harder things even more difficult to deal with.
Why rush it? If you love each other why are you in such a hurry to run down the aisle again? Date for a while. Actually date a few people. Figure out who you are ALONE...not who you are with so & so. How long were you even 'single' before you started dating again? Most people feel that it takes a long time to get over a relationship...(6 months for every month you were together) Are you sure this guy isn't just a rebound for you?
If you don't want to keep getting divorced...you need to take a serious look at your life and your love-life. There's something there that's making you make bad choices in guys.
You can also go to a marriage counselor (or marriage prep classes) with your boyfriend. Sometimes the role playing helps to see what potential problems you will have in a marriage and whether or not your relationship is strong enough to withstand them.
Simply getting married because you're this age...or because you've dated this long...or because you can't pay your electric bill...well these aren't good enough reasons. And if you love each other enough....you can wait to make sure that it's right.
2007-10-17 15:54:01 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marrage is give and take it's 50/50 sometimes you have to compromise also. Divorce is never easy on a person either. I divorced cause it was an abusive marrage. and he wasn't ready to get married but i didn't know he would be that way till after i walked down the walk way to marrage. Talk to a minister both of you if you want to do it again.
2007-10-17 15:51:11 · answer #3 · answered by jennajade 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would suggest you get some counseling before you get married or start a serious relationship.
You have baggage you need to sort through.
I married the man I loved, respected, trusted, liked, and had fun with. Love is very important but it's not the only thing you need to have a good marriage/relationship.
2007-10-17 15:42:01 · answer #4 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
how do u know who is right for you? WEll honey I've had this problem myself. The thing is that you need to know whats good for you and what keeps you healthy and happy. Love is all about taking risks. Its hard to be in love when you dont know what is right for you. Maybe you need some self bonding time to figure out what you want in life and where you are going. Think about your plans who you are. After you've figured yourself out then think about love, you cant have a good relationship if you dont know what you want in life and remember love is all about risks.Trust me you wont be married and divorced 50 times, you just need some time to figure out what you want and where u want your life to go.
2007-10-17 15:38:33 · answer #5 · answered by beachbabie18 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honesty in your wants and needs. What do you need and want from another human being that you are considering for long term?Compatibility, common interests, morals and values. Are you on the same page together? Do you have fun/ Do you laugh together? What are your boundaries? What are your goals together? Or separate goals with supporting one another? Sharing and caring about each other? Communication? Agree to disagree but respect each others differences? And last but not least chemistry? Allowing one another personal growth? Now that, to me, is a true long term compatible relationship.
2007-10-17 15:44:55 · answer #6 · answered by wondering 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why even get married? Only God tells us to get married. Now if you are a believer, then it is a different story. If you cannot stop yourself from your lusts then it is better for you to marry then for you to burn, that is what the Bible teaches. Now if you are just wanting an answer on who is right for you, you will find who is right for you when God shows you the sign of peace and happiness with that person. Open god's Word the Bible and let him guide you, rather than listening to a bunch of hethens and hypocrites like us.
2007-10-17 15:45:26 · answer #7 · answered by d 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Settling down doesn't have to involve a marriage.
Provided you stick with the same person trhough thick and thin and do your best to make a real go at it, then that's settling down.
Good luck.x
2007-10-17 15:44:56 · answer #8 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you might always might be in a rush to get marry. I think you need to know more about the guy, you probably haven't known him long. If you are not ready for marriage now, just tell him..im sure if he really wants to be with you, he will understand..
2007-10-17 15:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mr. Right just "feels" different. By that, I mean that yes, there are bumps in the road, but you're that soulmate, and there is just this certain connection. I'm on #2 (and last) and I know this one is the right one. Loved #1, but no where near my hubby now. Always that warm fuzzy feeling... even after years and years.
2007-10-17 15:39:58 · answer #10 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋