My wife says she has no urge to kiss or have sex with me. It's been this way for about 6 years, we've been married for 8. I've tried everything from not asking for it and it goes a year without it, to pressuring, to trying to romance, etc... Nothing works. Is it a bad choice to say I'll let her spend more money on clothes and stuff if she does have sex?
I'm 99% sure she isn't cheating because she is either at work or here. And her work is a small place that I know of near by.
What are your thoughts? Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can actually get some intimacy (kissing, hugging, sex)?
We've also tried counseling (non religuous and through our church). I'm at witts end and going insaine.
2007-10-17 08:11:47 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well I'm sry but in my opinion u tried everything what else can u do. Tell her that if she doesn't love u to just leave u cuz u can't handle this anymore... If u tried all that u did then I think ur wasting ur time cuz u aren't gonna get it... Come out and ask her if since she's not gonna give it up if u can get it else where? U should not have to bribe ur WIFE for sex, thats crap!! U honestly deserve better, any female would love to get the affection like u try and show ur wife!
2007-10-17 08:19:12 · answer #1 · answered by NONAME 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think there is something wrong if you are not having sex. Can you remember if she had orgasms the last few times you have had sex? If not then that may be why she is not interested, no sex drive. There are sex drive enhancing pills she can take, if increasing her sex drive is something she is interested in. Maybe try spicing up the sexual relationship with visual stimulation or "toys". Ask her if she masturbates? If she does not do that either, then she is probably not having orgasms and she just feels there is no point in having sex.
The first thing you need to do is figure out if its you she is just not attracted to anymore or if it is her sex drive, if its the sex drive I suggest seeing a sex therapist. They are very helpful.
It is probably her sex drive, I am not sure how old you are but women can lose the ability to become wet when older or if they have female problems. This makes sex hurt and very uncomfortable.
2007-10-17 08:25:18 · answer #2 · answered by LoLo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs medical help ie gynocologist or psychyitrist. My sister in law is the same way, after 3 kids she no longer is interested and my brother is crushed. Bribery will not help, this is hopefully a medical issue. I am sorry you are going through this. My ex-husband became the same way, ie sex once a year...it ended after 10 years, hence the ex. She has to understand how serious an issue this is for the sake of your emotional more so than physical needs. Tell her you need love and you are broken hearted and do not feel she even loves you anymore. (i know that is how i felt anyway). \
Best of Luck
2007-10-17 08:30:49 · answer #3 · answered by Shelby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well have you determined why she doesn't want to have sex?? Is her libido low? Is she having hormonal issues that make it hard for her to become aroused? It sounds extreme, but is she having issues with her sexual orientation? It sounds very strange that this has been going on for so long, but you say you don't know what to try as if you don't know why this is happening. I'm sure at some point she must have given you a reason. Try a isolating a time for you all to be alone and focusing on foreplay instead of sex and see what gets her physically aroused without having to have sex. In the future you can use that as your jump off point.
2007-10-17 08:19:01 · answer #4 · answered by cashmaker81 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you surely don't want to use material items and financial perks to lure your wife into sex. Why? Well besides the obvious sign of your relationship already falling apart, you'll also either condition her to only have sex for money (she may even decide she can get other men to pay) or you'll make her feel cheap and sleazy. You sound a bit old fashioned saying you'll 'let her' buy more things if she sleeps with you, sounds like somebody missed the life lesson on human emotions and equality.
She's probably just fallen out of love with you.
2007-10-17 08:16:40 · answer #5 · answered by quickinstinct 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A woman's sex drive is mandated by her hormones. It is not as easy as it is with a man who only needs friction and a thought in his head.
Have her see a medical doctor to see if everything is working properly. Could be she is in need of some simple hormone therapy. I know when my body stopped producing, I am older and in menapause, I lost every bit of my sex drive. My husband complained by my nursing training let me know that I should see a doctor.
If that fails, and there is nothing wrong with her then you have a definite problem. Some people never have a good sex drive and you will have to decide if you love her enough to live without it or if you would rather find someone that will be as loving as you want to be.
Good luck to you.
2007-10-17 08:25:39 · answer #6 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her an altimatum and just tell her that if she's not interested in y ou anymore then let you go and live your life. i understand that y ou want to work things out but in a marriage you need to give and take. she shouldn't be doing that to you. You seem like a really nice guy if you haven't cheated on her yet. Most men probably would have by now. I give you a lot of credit for staying faithful. If I were you i would leave her.
2007-10-17 08:45:19 · answer #7 · answered by Tessie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, this is not a good idea. There's some issue that she is unwilling to work on that is preventing you from having a satisfying intimate life. There's nothing you can do to force her to work it out. Since counseling together didn't work, why not try on your own.
This problem is not going to resolve on its own. The question you must ask yourself is this- do you want to live this way for the next 30/40/50 years? Does she?
2007-10-17 08:15:49 · answer #8 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never do that. Don't give something to her for deprivating you of sex for so long. If you are ready to pay for sex, at least choose a profesionnal. Not only would the sex be much better and the girl more attractive, it will let her know what she is leading you to.
2007-10-17 12:08:56 · answer #9 · answered by Cherry Taster 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to find out her real reasons. If she truly just does not feel like it, does she have a desire to find out why or is she happy the way her "non- sex life" is?
Pay attention to her, what TV she watches, do good looking men catch her attention, does she show any sort of response to men, or women for that matter? It's something deeper than she just does not want to.
2007-10-17 08:45:27 · answer #10 · answered by Make it happen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋