I have been married since nov 2006. Last month sometime he cheated on me because I told him I wanted a divorc?

Question

My husband and I have been married since nov2006. We had a big arguement at his mom house out of state and I told him I was leaving and that I wasnt his wife and I wanted a divorce and that same night he cheated on me with an old fling. This was last month hes 22 and I am 26 what do I do?

Answer 1

give him the divorce you wanted in the first place. careful what you ask for,you may just get it.

Answer 2

Never, ever throw out the word divorce unless you mean it and are prepared for the consequence of saying it. You told your husband you were not his wife anymore. What did you think he was going to do? Granted, his reaction and actions are a bit extreme. However, in a fit of anger, instead of dealing like a mature adult, you tested him. In your own way - whether consciously or not, you tested him. And that's not fair, mature, or right. Figure out why you don't believe he loves you (maybe because he doesn't. I'm sorry, but if he did love you, he would not have slept with someone else within hours of a fight with you - it's spiteful, immature, and irresponsible. He used your words as an excuse to do something he obviously wanted to do, which is sleep with an ex). Figure it out & then fix this in yourself - why don't you feel worthy of love? Answer that question honestly, stop testing people's feelings, and grow up. You are 26 years old and should know how to handle an argument better than the way you did. You've been married less than a year, give it up. He's not ready, you're not ready, there is hurt, anger, and a lack of trust in the relationship already. Staying together will only bring you pain in the long run.

Leave. Do some serious self-analysis, grow up, find happiness within yourself, then move on to finding it with someone else. If you can do this, you will be happier. You won't find your happiness in someone else. Especially an immature, cheating 22-year old.

Wish you the best... it's not an easy road ahead, but it's possible if you're REALLY ready to face yourself and find a better life. You know you deserve it. Now live like you do.

Answer 3

You were only married a year and during this time it is hard on a couple getting used to all the little quirks and stuff that makes each other really p.o.ed. I have been married three times and I guess you could say that I'm a vet of the divorce courts. Let's recap what happened, you had a fight at his moms in another state. You told him you were leaving, he cheated on you with an old girlfriend, did you ask him why he did it? Could it have been that you told him it was over? Could it have been because you told him you wanted a divorce and therefore he thought you actually DO want a divorce and that there is no sense in saving the marriage? Men are simple creatures, if you tell them it's over and you want out of a marriage, they don't want to talk about it further, they do what comes natural to them, drown in another woman. They feel rejected, as women do, and therefore want to feel accepted again and go looking for a willing ear to bend or arms to hold them. This happens to be with an old flame. So your question is what do you do now, you threatened him with divorce and told him it was over. Either you make up with him and forgive the affair or follow through with your threat.

Women: never threaten a man with divorce unless you are sure you have had enough and will follow through with it. Men see this as a rejection and then they stop caring what they do. Most men feel hurt and will attempt to talk about it but according to this man he's not even interested in talking about it. I would tell him you need to talk about it and see what he says. You told him you were no longer his wife, his cheating on you was a way of getting back at you for telling him you are not his anymore. He was hurting you in the only way he knew how. If you really want to stay married to this man then tell him and work things out. I figured you do want to stay with this man or you wouldn't be on here asking for advice. I would suggest seeing a counselor for some help. If he won't go for it then go yourself. Also buy some self help books such as the Dance of Anger. Go online and look for some self help sites and ask questions there. I think you'll find out you're not really wanting a divorce and that you actually need to learn more about each other before making it another two years in this marriage. I hope this has helped.

Answer 4

In the words of Vincent Price in the Great Mouse Detective, "Finish it, Flavershim!" Obviously, if he is willing to cheat after an arugment, no matter what you said in a fit of anger, he'll do it other times, too. That's a childish response.

Also, if you had a big fight at his mom's and you said you wanted a divorce, you either have some issues of your own, or whatever the fight was about was really an important issue to you.

To be honest, it sounds like both of you are sort of immature. If you weren't serious about what you said, then using it as a threat is immature. If you were, then get a divorce. What he did, whether you meant it or not, was immature. Even if you did, that's not open season on a marriage, and the fact that he went for an old flame is even more immature.

Either way, you have no reason to trust his fidelity, and in today's world, fidelity is more than a moral issue...it's a health issue as well. I say, move on, for both your sakes.

Answer 5

First things first, the way he reacted is ALL YOUR faulte. The cheating part was his and his alone and it was wrong no matter how upset he was. You told him your not his wife nd want a divorce, what did you think would happen. People tell you this happened because you are young!!! wrong so wrong I got married when I was 20 and have been married for 17 years now, some happy years and some not. BUT YOU DO NOT GIVE UP ON THE ONE YOU MARRIED as easy as you seems to have. You gave your word for better and worse. NOW if you both have tried and you still feel you would better be apart then you need to follow your heart and do what you think is best for you. Do it in a calm way and act like grown ups please. I hope you can work on this but it not I wish you all the best in your life. Remember you live and learn.

Answer 6

Well for one...He didn't cheat on you becuase you said that you wanted a divorce. He cheated because he wanted to. And I have to pre-face it with if you wanna call it cheating. Were you serious about a breakup and divorce or were you just angry? If you were serious then there is no question to answer, just go get the divorce and the "cheating" becomes a non issue. If you were not serious then you have to look at why he did what he did and settle that with him, if you like his repentince then try to move forward, if you do not believe that he is sincere in apology then once again move on witht he divorce. There is not going to be a correct answer to check in the box like a multiple choice test. All answers are both wrong and right by different standards. Its going to come down to what you can deal with at this point and is it worth the effort for you and him.

Answer 7

What you have here is a "social nightmare". I guess the first question would be "would you consider trying to make amends and make your marriage work"? Secondly can you forgive him for being unfaithful? Would both of you be willing to get some counseling to try and make your marriage work? If the answer to any of the above questions is no, then I think it is time for both of you to go your seperate ways and start the divorce proceedings. It sounds like you had problems before the argument at his mothers house, and the arugument was what they called "the final straw" that broke the camels back. Only you and he can answer these questions. If you really want to be with this man and you can forgive him for being unfaithful and he can forgive you for whatever wrong doings you have done, then I say try to make amends, get counseling and try to make your marriage work. If not both of you should move on to the next step of your lives.

Answer 8

First, you shouldn't say things like that unless you're serious. He had no right sleeping with someone else regardless, because of the fact that he is still married. I think he was just waiting for that opportunity... I would get a divorce. He is obviously a cheater! It sux that the marriage only lasted less than a year, but what can you do. I would move on with your life.

Answer 9

Stop believing he cheated because of you for one.
He cheated for him, and him alone, for his own selfish pleasure and he wasn't think of you at all.
he has done it before and he will do it again.
Me? I would be gone so fast you couldn't see the smOKe. Why mess around with people who lie and cheat
and make others, or try to make others feel guilty for what they did.
He's a kid, maybe physically very attractive, ok that part was great, is it worth it?
Med? I would rather be alone. I am alone and I not only like it, I love it. Learn to be with yourself
and you will never be conned into being with the wrong people. If a girl comes to my house my cat has to approve or it's a no-go. I trust my cats judgment, I'm learning to trust my own. I seem to attract the gold digger types, I used to be in the papers a lot and on TV occasionally, and it tends to attract the wrong kind of person.

Answer 10

You leave. That was no excuse to go out with an old fling. Marriage is hard, and you will have arguments. You don't go out screwing around just because you had a fight and may have said some things that you shouldn't have. Find someone that is a little more mature and takes marriage seriously.

Answer 11

This is a lesson learned----watch what you say when you are angry--but, I have done the same as you---blurted out things I did not mean. I question your husband? He must have the old fling handy....to have sex with her that same night! I think you are both wrong, you said hurtful things in haste and your husband reacted too quickly and he did something that almost ruins marriages.

You need to sit down and , when you are not angry, and see if both of you want this marriage and are you willing to fix it? I would try to save your marriage.