I had post a question about my problem with my husband but I still have more question to ask .I don't know how to make our marriage better if only myself work on it. I am pragnant about 5 month now I want him to be kind to me casue when I upset it was effect the baby too. He like to tell me to clean all the time and nagging me the way I do thing that he don't like he want me to do thing his way... I am cook and clean for him and his son but he still use me the same.. sometime I tired and my belly is bigger everyday I can't move as well as before anymore. I want him to care the baby that I carrying too not just his son...it's kind na hurt sometime to see him give a lot of attention to his son but he never ask or seem to care what inside me. it's his baby too..he think he is right all the time because he is a lot older than me and I have to listen to him...I want to stand up for myself but when come down to the point I don't have any where to go no family here...just want a happy life
2007-10-17 05:36:11 · 40 answers · asked by pae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
as normal woman. happy family, but It take two to make it happen and I just hope he will realize that it's not easy for me too leave everything behild and start it over again with him here.. I am going to be a mother now every dicition I am going to make it's so hard because it's not only me any more it's my baby too... he is stubborn I know it's hard to change but at least have a common sense with how to treat me while I am pragnant I really need support... he treat me more like a servant. cook, clean , sex , company when he don't have his child around.. but when he had his child he is not much include me in his deal only cooking for them and do lurndry being around can't going out on the weekend.. I am going to church every sonday. but he is not agree and like to give me a hard time after I come back from the church..he don't want me to work too, I trying to talk with him open several time but it dosen't work out really well.. he just think I am just emotional,,
2007-10-17 05:50:53 · update #1
I just need and equal partnership,, this is america everybody the same rich or poor..it's dosen't matter where I come from I am jsut normal being human that feel love, hurt , happy, and sad,, I told him all the time but it dosen't make him think any better or have sympathize for me... I am told him I want to get divorce but he is always tell me he will be better then he back to the same... I told him I am going to leave him but I really don't know where to go while I am pragnant like this it's hard...
If anyone can give me an advice or better idea please give me I want to give him a lesson to think of.. and I will try my best to work it out....
thank you...
2007-10-17 05:58:24 · update #2
Thank You all of you who had answer my question.. I will take all your advice and follow some of them thank you the suppost and kidness...
answer some question that ask me.. yes he is never give me money i work myself and put some of the money in the his account for help him a little bit.. I know it sound stupid but there is a reason...that I don't want any arguement... I make his lunch every day and even we mad at each other I still doing the same.. I love him just hope the kidness that I have will prove him someday... and we can call ourself as a family but I don't know how much I can take from now on...I still be able to move around but not vaccum 2 time a week the whole house, and other job as well,, I just need to rest but he always complain that I should get it done.. humm,,,
thenk you again guy..
2007-10-17 06:29:53 · update #3
Hi Again
I feel sorry for you. You seem so unhappy and it hurts me to see the hurt that you have and feel. Its too late now to question why you got pregnant. The baby growing inside of you need all the happiness and care. Try to stick it out until after the baby is born. Do you have a job or stay at home?. I wish that I could help you and your coming baby. You take good care and hang in there. God bless you and baby xo
2007-10-17 08:05:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men do not know how to love the baby until that baby is born. You already have a bonding with that baby because you are carrying it. After that baby is born he will love that baby like his other child. It depends on how far a long you are in this pregnancy. If you are only a few months a long then I think you are wanting attention. If you are really far a long you should be able to still cook and clean unless the Dr tells you that you need bed rest. If he is being abusive mentally or any other way then I suggest you get out as fast as you can. They have shelters where you can live until you get on your own feet.
2007-10-17 05:50:28 · answer #2 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl this is going to be some in your face advice. I don't mean to disrespect you in anyway. I have two daughters that I have to live for and show them how to grow up to be beautiful respectful women. Men do what we allow them to do if they disrespect you its because you let them if they feel that they can physically and mentally abuse a woman they will and nothing we do as women will change the fact there are some stupid a** men in this world who didn't get any home trainning from home and you said he has a son already this little guy doesn't need to see him disrespecting you because he will grow up and do the same thing its an ongoing cycle. You have to decide what is beat for you and you baby not whats best for the jerk that you are with. There are some good men in this world leave him for the safety of you and your unborn child!!!!!! seriously we watch lifetime movies you know the outcome.
2007-10-17 05:43:58 · answer #3 · answered by ICMOz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he didnt start out being nice he wont start -
Hardest thing you'll ever do is walk out the door but its the best thing for you to do. There are a ton of places that can help you get started on your own no matter where you live. If you dont feel safe trying to leave call the police for help - that's why they're there.
You need to concentrate on making sure you're happy and healthy and you bring a child into a caring, loving environment and it sounds like that isnt going to happen where you are now.
2007-10-17 05:43:36 · answer #4 · answered by mizryLayne 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm not sure how to help you out fully, but here is a start...
Do you know what is going on with that little miracle inside of your belly? I am about 4.5 months pregnant with my first child and my partner never really seemed too concerned yet either! But then again, I am not really showing, he doesn't feel the sickness, etc. that I do - it's far more real to me than it is to him. I am signed up with babycenter.com now, and receive a weekly email telling me what is going on with my child and my body. It's really neat, and now I go home and tell him "our baby is the size of an avocado now! he/she is growing fingernails/toenails, etc." Every week he gets excited to hear about new things happening to the baby, and it makes it more real to him. There are even pictures showing what your baby kind of looks like in each month..... This might help engage him in the pregnancy and let him know its real. Have you gotten an ultrasound yet? Take the picture home and pin it up. Get his son excited about having a new brother/sister.... It also gives advice for the fathers - like when they can and should do to be helping out.
2007-10-17 06:00:38 · answer #5 · answered by Betty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand up for your baby! Tell your husband you cannot do all the things you usually do because you are pregnant. He will just have to wait. Some men don't really think about the baby before it's born because they can't see it and they don't feel it like you do inside of you. Talk about the baby often to remind him. Make sure you let him feel the baby kick and ask him to come to doctor's appointments with you so he can see the sonogram and hear the heartbeat. Talk to his son about the baby that is coming and tell him how he will be able to help take care of it and play with it.
2007-10-17 05:45:44 · answer #6 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are between a rock and the proverbial hardspot.
If it is just making you clean and nagging, I do not have much of a comment... that is his personality and you have to make hard decisions on how much you can tolerate vs. financial difficulties if you leave.
do you talk to his mother or sisters? Will they be sensitive and tactfully discuss this with him or will they turn on you?
Ask your own parents for advice. Careful, Careful, Careful....
so things you say do not come back to haunt you.
If he is truly being abusive, mentally and/or physically, call the local womens shelter and ask for advice. Abusers do not change except that they seem to always get worse.
2007-10-17 05:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by rorzzz09192007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Asian Wife,
Please go and find other Asian women who you can talk to and become friends with. You are not your husbands slave if you are in America, and he cannot hurt you or your baby, just because he is older or American. There are Asian Women's Groups who can help you if you are an abused or unhappy woman. You seem to know how to use the Internet, so try to find a group that you can contact that way. Where do you live? I know there are some Asian Women's groups in the NY area for Example Asian Americans for Equality.
Good luck and G-d Bless!
2007-10-17 05:45:11 · answer #8 · answered by Divine Miss M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look for women associations in your area online or in the phone book - they can help you make a transition to a new life. It sounds like you are abused, if not physically, definitely mentally, you are a free woman, you are NOT this man's slave! I've been there, being abused by a very controlling husband, it took me 5 years, but I finally left him - I was all alone in a foreign country too but I wasn't pregnant. I just want to let you know, it can be done, you just need to want to leave enough and contact the right people who will help you. Good luck to you and your little one.
2007-10-17 05:44:14 · answer #9 · answered by S007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this, but:
WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM?
He really doesn't sound like a "caring" husband.
You cannot force him to love you & the baby, but you definately can say "THAT'S IT: I'm done cleaning!"
You should have more respect for yourself!
And you deserve better!
If I were you... I would tell him: "WHAT? If you're that smart... go do it yourself!"
I hope you're not a situation were you "need" to stay with him...
'cause you should definately leave the house.
I always say: "If I need to clean and cook for somebody who's always complaining... why not be SINGLE and just cook and clean just for myself? At least this way I only do it when I feel like!"
2007-10-17 05:42:46 · answer #10 · answered by Aredhel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋