.. If the asker doesn't really care to know the truth.
'I'm fine' is pretty meaningless. I feel like just replying 'Raaaaaaaaaaar' and walking off.
Would that deter people from speaking to me? Oh well.
2007-10-17 05:33:45 · 24 answers · asked by (notso)Gloriouspipecleaner 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
But if people don't genuinely care enough to give someone the time and space to be open and honest about how they feel- then isn't a world made up of :
'how are you' [generic question]
'I'm fine' [generic response]
Worth just about the same as a world where we ignore eachother.
2007-10-17 05:40:52 · update #1
Actually, I enjoy learning more about people's lives.
I just don't like plastic replies. They're slippery and waterproof aka superficial.
2007-10-17 05:44:56 · update #2
Try being nice
It's really easy to be nice
Peace
Jim
.
2007-10-17 05:38:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
"How are you?"
"I'm fine"
The most overused exchange... ever. I agree with you; that exchange really doesn't seem to pass on any indicator of actual feeling... it's just a conditioned response. Sometimes when people are in bad mood, they will respond "fine" (I've done it) for various reasons:
--they don't want to start talking about it because it makes them more upset
--they don't want to actually tell the other person (if it involves some secret that shouldn't get spread)
--they are passing by the other person and by the time they would say something else, the other person would be gone
--etc
There are some people that will ask how you are without being truly interested (or they just want to hear the "I'm fine" response). If you wanted to change this spot you're in, there are a few things you could do. Instead of just saying "I'm fine" the next time someone asks, you could say what you're actually feeling ("kind of tired", "a little steamed", "joyful and elated", and so on). The next time you are talking to someone, don't let them settle on them saying "I'm fine"--dig a little deeper and maybe they will do the same the next time you two meet up.
To be honest, if someone rawr'ed at me when I asked them how they are doing and then they walked away, I'd probably be intrigued and follow that person (assuming I wasn't in a bad mood myself). Of course, that's different for every person. Also remember that "How are you?" is how people have been conditioned to typically start a conversation. Shutting everyone down for asking how you are will leave people confused on how to talk to you because for many people, that's the only way people can think of to start up conversation. Then again, if you want to rawr at people, I wouldn't be surprised if after a while, someone came and rawr at you. :-P
Best of luck.
2007-10-17 05:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by swrogueman 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think they are merely social methods to quickly have a discussion..."
"How are you ?" is basically saying "Is there anything significant going on in your life that I should know about ?"
and "I'm fine" is basically just responding with "Nothing worth mentioning, so feel free to continue with whatever you were doing"... or "Yes, but I'd rather not discuss it"
Its just been abbreviated to save time...
Every now and again someone does ask How you are though and you might respond with something that is unusual that is either troubling you or that is exciting and of possible interest to the other person... otherwise you're able to quickly establish that nothing has happened since last you met...
2007-10-17 05:58:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. I am immigrant in Canada. And people always ask ``How are you`` every day I find it hard to answer cause I will always say I am fine, good or great you know like they ask me but I do not know if they really care I am being paranoid sometimes. Cause in the Country where i came from we choose people that ask, close people only it does not mean that we do not care about others its just we are care when we ask, Do not get me wrong I am nothing against it its just I am wondering, maybe i am culture shock but I get what is your point.
2007-10-17 05:59:19 · answer #4 · answered by shibereta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone cares is true but, most people do care. They may not want to hear your life story - boreing. But simple replys let them know how to react to you. If your not feeling well - then you probably don't want to be bothered with small talk, etc.
Being pleasent means you care and that you aren't a self centered ahole. So, smile and say how are you - you may just meet the best person in your life that way.
2007-10-17 05:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by jtabor5740 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is the worst in the business world when I need a quick answer so I can move on and get something else done...
I'm so ready to just hop in to my question that I get flustered when like, my insurance agent or a broker starts off with "So how you doin'!?!" and actually wants an answer...
I KNOW they don't care how I'm doing...
And they know that I only care so that I know that I am getting my money's worth of their services...
Luckily for me MOST of my brokers do the "How you doin'?", I say "Fine!" or "Groovy!" and we move on to the IMPORTANT INFO!
Between friends is one thing but between business associates it is just a waste of my precious time!
2007-10-17 05:46:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean. I professionally boxed for almost 5 years and I am a 2nd degree blackbelt in Akiado. Plus, I spent 10 years in prison for beating a guy to death. I hate having to do the "pleasantries". I think it is a waste of everyone's time and who really gives a ****. However, to be sucessful in today's society and in business you have to allow time for this. This small talk alows the other person to get to know you a little better and to become comfortable with you. It helps estabish some type of relationship or bond.
2007-10-17 05:40:15 · answer #7 · answered by jybrck 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You're right to see the futility in the "How are You?" "Fine." exchange that seems to occur way too frequently. The problem is that the asker *doesn't* want to know the answer. Quick way to make friends: ask the question, then actually stick around to hear the answer. Become interested in people's lives, and they'll become interested in yours. Try it sometime; it's kind of fun.
2007-10-17 05:39:03 · answer #8 · answered by LinkTiger 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Pleasantries are not only etiquette of a person's upbringing , it's also a good way to start a conversation. If everyone were to think like you, then we are more like an answering machine.
2007-10-17 05:43:45 · answer #9 · answered by boonji86 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey ~ I'm with you!! Kind of pointless to me too!!
I don't think you should growl at them, simply TELL them how you're "doing" and see how long they stick around, lol....
I agree... I mean, how many people actually give a flying leap how you're REALLY doing anyway????
I guess we'll just have to chalk it up to small talk and let it go at that...
BUT... if you decide to growl at them instead of drone on and on with what's REALLY going on in your life... let me know how that works for ya'... I may just try it myself!!
:o)
2007-10-17 05:39:12 · answer #10 · answered by Mercedes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see it as a way to ease into a real conversation.
Can you imagine saying "Hi Bob - I hate George Bush" or something else equally opinionated? Socially, it's smoother to be more gentle.
2007-10-17 05:37:43 · answer #11 · answered by SUSAN P 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋