So my friend told me that this guy from college has written several dirty story, using me as his main character. His novel is mainly all about his filthy fantasy, and of course lots of hardcore action.
This guy is not my bf, he's even my closest friend. I just barely know him because we go to several courses together in our college, but that's all. Nothing more. I never even get a hint that he's been fantasizing me a lot!
Should I confront this guy directly alone? Or should I tell my bf and my brother about this guy so that they could give him a lesson or two? What would you do if you're in my situation here? Would you take that as compliment?
2007-10-17 05:14:26 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Whether or not I would find the novel flattering, would purely depend on the content and nature of the novel, and how I feel about the person. I'm assuming the nature of the novel is hardcore from the way you describe it. In that case, I would probably feel uneasy and uncomfortable, but you can't control what goes on in people's minds and people's minds can't hurt you. He's free to have whatever thoughts and fantasies he wants and write them down unless:
1- You're being named in the novel and it will somehow affect your professional life or reputation?
2- You're concerned about him attempting to put fantasy into reality and concerned about your safety, in which you'd need physical protection?
If it's any of the two above, you will want to get law enforcement involved. If not, you simply have to not let it get to you. Having someone beat him up or confronting him, won't make him fantasize any differently, so what are you trying to accomplish?
You can't help who falls in love with you or who has sexual fantasies about you---all you can do is to protect yourself physically and mentally against incidents and people, that's all.
2007-10-17 07:58:07 · answer #1 · answered by Lioness 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever think that your friend is just messing with you, and this guy didn't write these stories at all?
Even if the guy did actually write them using you as his fantasy, how do you really know/be able to prove that they are about you? Theres really not much you can do.
As sick as it is, people are allowed to fantasize about anything they want - that's what makes it a fantasy. Although it's creepy and weird, he has the right to do that, and apparently, he wasn't doing it an a way that really bothered you because you never thought anything of him. I don't think you'd have an argument in court because he really didn't do anything directly to you. If he were using your full name without changing it, then you would have a case, but I doubt he was.
2007-10-17 05:47:43 · answer #2 · answered by Jim Baw 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he using your full name in the story? If not, then are you absolutely sure that you're the character in the story?
If his main character is a blonde named Jennifer (random selection of hair color and name there - I have no idea what your name and hair color are. Apologies if I accidentally got it right) and you happen to be a blonde named Jennifer, then it's still not an absolute thing. There are tons of blondes named Jennifer.
It's understandable how your friend could think that you're the character, based on coincidental things like that. But if there's nothing more concrete like your full name being used or the author stating directly that the story is about you, then you're really not sure. Either way it merits a little more investigation.
Whatever you find, there's absolutely no reason to ask your boyfriend and/or brother to commit misdemeanor or felony assault on your behalf (i.e. "give him a lesson or two.") Work it out in a more adult and legal manner.
2007-10-17 05:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by Scott B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't really think there is an issue worth worrying about. If he's just writing stories, what do you care if he's based a character on you? Writers base characters on people they know all the time. It doesn't sound like he's harassing you or slandering you in any way or doing anything wrong. There's no law against writing whatever a person wants to write (so long as it is not published as the truth when it is really false).
Maybe it creeps you out a little bit to know about it, but just don't think about. He's doing it in the privacy of his own home for his own pleasure, it seems, so it really has no affect on you.
2007-10-17 15:23:38 · answer #4 · answered by egn18s 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Smile. I would take it for what it truly is: a compliment. BTW, I would change your handle on here to Muse. Smile.
If I were you, I would pretend I have no idea about any of these. Your boyfriend and brother have absolutely no need to know anything about this. The point is: he doesn't hurt anyone, he is fantasizing about you. It is the greatest compliment, because he isn't asking for anything in return.
2007-10-17 15:55:52 · answer #5 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your brother might be full of it, and just telling you this to freak you out....lol! (Brothers are great at that, sometimes!) Or, maybe he really does believe this, for whatever reason, and just wants you to know...but whichever it is, I would gather some more details/facts before you do anything extreme in response to this.
Besides, how do you really know if the character is you? You could talk to this guy about it, and see what he says. I wouldn't tell your boyfriend just yet...you wouldn't really want him to go off on this guy esp. since it really could just be a misunderstanding. But since your brother brought it all up, perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to have him accompany you if you decide to go and talk to the guy.
Just don't do anything drastic until you know all the facts, or you may end up looking pretty foolish (and upsetting this guy for no reason).
Just my opinion....good luck!
2007-10-17 08:11:35 · answer #6 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Consult an attorney. If the character has enough in common with you to be recognizable but is portrayed in a manner that would be defamatory, you can sue for slander. A nice light warning letter might discourage this quickly.
Steer clear of ANY direct confrontation with this person. Alarm bells should be going off.
2007-10-17 05:27:41 · answer #7 · answered by Gnu Diddy! 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Personally I would confront the guy and ask him to stop and I would also go to the school office and file a sexual harrassement complaint because that's a form of sexual harrassement and it seems as though you're offended by it. I would still tell your boyfriend and brother if you wanted to so they were aware of it but not so they could go and beat him up, it's not worth it. Hope this helps, and please keep in mind, it's just what I would do.
2007-10-17 05:19:30 · answer #8 · answered by steeny_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore the shmuck. Its that simple.
Ignoring people that dont please you is the
best way to get your point across. You know
what you believe and that is all that is important.
You would be wasting your time arguing with an imature nit wit. When you come across this person
completly ingnore him, no eye contact, nada.
Handle the situation yourself unless the guy is threatening then maybe mention it to your BF or a trusted brother. Try to be civil. Beating him up
will get you know where fast.
2007-10-17 05:50:34 · answer #9 · answered by Haley P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Id get in on some of the action from the sales. Its a fictional novel, your being made famous, milk the guy for exclusive rights of the book.
2007-10-17 05:19:18 · answer #10 · answered by Robbie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋