My fiancé is going through a lot of stress right now. He is self employed, and is not making near the amount of money that he used to. There isn't enough money to pay all the bills! I have a job also, I work 5 nights a week. I do all that, plus I take care of ALL the household duties. He is moody, bitchy, and just plain miserable to be around. I told him not to take all his frustration out on me and he said, "Well I have to take it out on you, because I don't have anyone else to take it out on!". If I wanted to work my a*s off, and still come home and do EVERYTHING, I would be single.
2007-10-17 04:34:59 · 31 answers · asked by Ms. GTO 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has owned his own business for 16 years, I don't think that he'd be able to adapt to working a 9 to 5 job....he's stubborn like that.
2007-10-17 04:48:24 · update #1
Well if I were you I would be looking for a way out of this relationship. If he is treating you like an emotional dumping ground and not giving you the respect you deserve. You house hold chores should be shared because you are both working and it sounds like he doesn’t have any respect for you in the first place. There are better men out there go and find you one that treats you right.
2007-10-17 04:47:44 · answer #1 · answered by Twigits 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I may not have this problem, but i can give you an opinion..
If you are living together with your partner, unless you don't want him to do any work around the house, it should be 50/50. When it comes to the bills, its troubling because money is the main factor in break up and divorces of people who live together, it cause the most stress and fights.
Ask your self if it is just a minor stress that he had.. or if it is something that is taking over his life, in a relationship, you should be #1, or pretty close to it. do you really want to go thru life with someone who is moody and bitchy towards you. There is absolutly no reason why he should think you are the target to take everything out on. If so, he needs anger management! Work on it, if he's willing or give him a reality check that no ones going to want to be with him if hes a miserable person.
2007-10-17 11:41:25 · answer #2 · answered by Katie L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!! I'm a stay at home mom and I do all the house work, take care of our 2 daughters 3 and 1 plus try do my schooling at the same time plus any other things that need to be done during the day. While he is at work then he comes home then he says he is tired he can't do anything I don't care what anyone says being a stay at home mom is a 24/7 job I'm always on call!, but if he is so tired why is he can go out and see his friends or what ever. If I knew what I would be stuck doing it all I would be single myself
2007-10-17 11:42:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient with him. Men traditionally have a strong desire to provide for their families and when they aren't able to do so, they become frustrated and irritated.
Be thankful that he has a desire to provide. Both of you need to keep an ear and eye out for better employment opportunities for him. If you have to work an extra day a week, be willing to do so but don't rub it in his face or make him feel worse.
You may have to let go of some of your household chores for a while. Clean the areas that you both are likely to see most and shut the doors to the other rooms. Take care of your marriage. When you agreed to "for better or worse," this was included...and it, too, "shall pass." When it does, he will love you all the more for standing by him.
2007-10-17 11:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by DJ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to find a healthier way of relieving stress, because taking it out on you isn't good for either of you. I have found in the past that if I have come home stressed, I go to a ball field near where I live or if I had a big yard or field, I'd go take my baseball bat and a few balls and hit them, it really helped me to relieve stress.
There have been times when I'd call my wife before leaving work, and tell her that I'm stressed, and it amazed me at how understanding she was, but she told me to just go take a walk and relax, so I'd go to Wal-Mart, or just find somewhere that I could walk and cool down.
2007-10-17 12:04:40 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, and we are not together any more!!! That is part of running your own business. There will be days everything are going smooth and things look promises and here come the part things are not going away as plan. For him to make that kind of remark "Well I have to take it out on you, because I don't have anyone else to take it out on!". That is uncalled for and yes, you're right that he shouldn't take it out on you. Lady, my opinion that comment/statement he made. I would take a triple thought about being with this guy. I don't anyone should be someone emotional or physical punching bag. But that is your choice, I hope you make a good one. good luck
2007-10-17 11:46:27 · answer #6 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have a similar problem, only the guy I was engaged to just didn't want to work. I would work tons, come home, make dinner, take care of everything while he sat on the computer or drove my car around all day. So, when I said, "Hey, I am paying for everything, do you think that maybe you could vacuum, sweep, pick up a bit around here...?" He said: "All you want is for me to be your slave. You just want a slave. Toomer (which is the cat, mind you) doesn't have to do anything around here."
So, he got kicked to the curb. Exactly what you said: If you wanted to work your behind off, come home and take care of everything, you would be single.
Maybe he needs to find a new line of work, so he does make more cash, and maybe that will make him happier.
2007-10-17 11:41:45 · answer #7 · answered by IJToomer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he needs to start pulling his own weight! I wouldn't tolerate that kind of crap, and no one else should! If your the one doing all the work now, what do you think is going to happen further down the road? I bet his mom did everything for him when he was growing up, and that's probably what he's looking for in a wife. If he can't support you both through his business, It's time for him to change his stratedgy and get a dependable source of income.
2007-10-17 11:59:29 · answer #8 · answered by The Midnight Rider 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man. That sounds like me and my marriage. My husband is a miserable man when he comes home because of his job. He too was making loads of cash not too long ago but now is barely making enough for a dinner. I tell him to not take it out on me but he says he can't help it. He tells me he just can't turn off his business mode when he comes home. He comes home to a fantastically clean home and a smiling wife. Well, now I sometimes smile.....only because I know he is going to hate life and there is nothing I can do about it. It drives me crazy!!! I just do not understand why he cannot appreciate all that I do for him.....why he can't accept my love and support. Uggghh....sorry to hear you are going through this. I know it sucks.
2007-10-17 11:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by AshP 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to resolve this before you get married. You don't want to go into a marriage with him thinking he can take all his frustrations out on you because your his wife. I suggest you get pre-marital counseling. I'd suggest that even if you didn't have this problem. Marriage is work from the start, it should be equal, although at times one will work more than the other.
Tell him you understand his stress and that you support him but you won't be his "punching bag".
2007-10-17 11:40:42 · answer #10 · answered by tetlitea 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋