Is it cheating when a marriad man goes to strip clubs after he promised the wife he would not go no more?

Question

My husband of 20 years has been going to a strip club for a year already. I asked him to stop even said if u go again I'll leave u and he promise I'll stop but he's still going. The bad part is last year I caught him on the phone with a striper.I know cause I checked his phone bill. He was tolking to at lease 3 20 year old strippers. He's 46. He called them almost every day.
When I found out he said that he would stop talking to them. What do I do. He only goes 1 day of the week for at least 3-4 Hrs. He's home with me the rest of the day's. I's it cheating or just a man just relaxing and drinking beer with his buddy? Searious questions only please.

Answer 1

Going to the strip club is not necessarily cheating. Talking on the phone with them is definitely getting into the area of cheating. He lied to you once about stopping going, why do you think he won't lie about still talking to them on the phone?
You already told him you would leave if he didn't stop. If he hasn't stopped and you are still staying with him, then most likely he will continue to go, and continue to talk to them until you actually leave. 20 years is along time to throw away, but who is throwing it away, him by lying and pursuing strippers or you by setting boundaries? You will have to choose, a possible separation that shows you are serious about what you say, or staying and him continuing the behavior. A wise person once told me, " They don't realize what they have until it is gone." A man can relax with his buddies over a beer without going to strip clubs...... Good Luck. I know it is hard in this situation.

Answer 2

Im a guy. I dont think its cheating but it is a lie if he said he would stop and hasnt. If he is talking on the phone I would wonder what else tho. I would, if I were you, go with him even tho it sucks or just show up or something occasionally just have a drink and leave. I know its not were you want to be, its degrading but then it wouldnt be the first thing you didnt you werent fond of right.

I used to go to strip clubs also. What stopped it for me was having a daughter. Then I thought every girl was someones daughter. Then it was just ruined for me cause every time I went and saw a girl up there dancing I thought I should take her to her mother and father. But I suppose the bigger picture is realizing women or girls are not sex objects they are people and until men grasp that concept there will still be strippers and porn and rapes and ect...

Answer 3

If he was just going to strip clubs for the occasional bachelor party than I would say "no" he's not cheating but, he's taking things to the next level by giving out his personal information and calling them.. That's cheating in my book.. Just think of all the vacations, jewelry or bills you could pay with the money that he's wasting on strippers ! That should be enough to make you want to pack your bags and leave the fool.. Let the strippers take care of his sorry A$$ ! You'd be a fool to stay ! Why not get yourself some young stud and turn the tables? Good luck

Answer 4

I think you need to do some tough love on this man. You really need to make it known that you mean business. He has a problem and it probably going through mid life crisis. Those strip clubs are nasty and he should not be in there having sexual thoughts and probably trying to get to one of those nasty strippers. It is one thing if it was once a year but once a week. He is the one with the problem do not blame yourself. He is probably giving them money and they are making him feel as if he has a chance and he is getting excited from it. HE IS A FOOL. I say either kick him out of find another place to stay and go to marriage counceling if you can. Good luck.

Answer 5

This is a difficult situation on your mind. I went through something similar, in my situation it was the online cam and exchanging numbers, and talking with these women on the phone. He said it was harmless and it wasnt anything serious, but I told him I didnt like it and it needed to stop. Although, in my situation, I ended the situation because enough was enough.

I cant tell you what you should and shouldnt do within your marriage, you need to figure out what is best for you and your household. However, respect is a key factor that is needed in a relationship. Going to the strip clubs is one thing, exchanging numbers and meeting these girls is another, that IS disrespectful. Its one thing if maybe you compromise and said, baby you have a new "addiction" perhaps i could go with you to have a better understanding to what is it that allures you to these places. Maybe it could be a device to spark our sexual desires within our marriage. However, he is doing it without you and talking with these women. If he is not willing to understand your angry about this, therefore, you need to express your angry in new levels, I am not going to say to get on his level, however, sometimes people dont understand another person's feeling/concerns, until they are in the same or similar situation.

But in the end, you need to decide what you need to do for you and to maintain a healthy relationship. If this isnt healthy for you, and compromises where made. Then you have some hard decisions to make in the near future.

Wrong is wrong...and his behavior isnt not right, especailly since you have already expressed it. So from the outsider point of view, he is saying, he doesnt care of how you feel about it. So either make him care, figure it out, and work on it or..

Good luck!

Answer 6

I would consider it cheating. He goes b/c he knows first off you wont do anything. Even though you tell him you'll leave him. Your still there with him. I used to work at a strip club and I know that no 20 year old girl has any intrest in a 46 year old man unless he's spending alot of money on her. It concerns me that you think its ok to spend "your money" as well on other naked women. I wouldn't consider it wanting to relax and drink beer with friends. He could do that AT home. I would set down the law and if he refused to change. Leave him.

Answer 7

I have gone to strip clubs, left my donations with the girls and went home. I don't know what strip clubs he is going to where he starts to talk regularly with the girls. Sounds like he is doing a little more than paying for sexual frustration to me.

Answer 8

My wife was never very keen on me going to strip clubs either, even though when I went it was while I was in Vegas on business and it's where the clients wanted to go. Not going to lie and say I didn't enjoy it, but while in Vegas with my wife on vacation something amazing happened. She said she wanted to go with me to a strip club! She wanted to see what the draw was! So I took her. We had some drinks, we watched the floor shows, and then we went to the VIP room for some dances! And all I can tell you is that I NEVER had as much fun with ANYBODY at a strip club as i did with her. Sure I went back with clients, but my wife knew that I wasn't having NEARLY as much fun as when she went with me! So maybe.......just maybe........you should insist that your husband takes you. Get some dances. Show him how much more fun he'll have bringing you instead of one of his friends. Worse case..........all the strippers will know he has a wife! But we all know what happens when we put a "don't walk on the grass sign" on our lawn. Same rule applies when wives try to rule their husbands actions. It's just going to make them want to do it more and be more sneaky.

Answer 9

if it's a man relaxing with a bud with beer, you go to the Sports Bar, not a strippers and certainly not after you've poured your heart out to him. I feel for you. It would devastate me, If I was so disrespected.

It's different if you're a couple that is ok with it all--strippers, porno etc---but if there is the one who isn't happy, they need to be respected.

Answer 10

Oh yeah like he's going in there just to drink beer. He has more on his mind other than just talking to the strippers.