My husband has full custody of his two children. His ex-wife owes him thousands of dollars in child support, medical expenses, and debts from their divorce. My husband thankfully paid off all of the debts recently ON HIS OWN without her help, despite her agreement in the decree to pay half. He still needs her to pay him back, however, but she refuses to do so. I suppose she thinks she doesn't have to because she hates him and thinks he'll spend it on something for himself instead of on the children or medical bills, which I think is totally immature, since my husband is the most responsible person I have ever met, UNLIKE HER. He spent five years paying off all the debts she left him (over $48,000), sacrificing everything for his two children, whom he loves unconditionally. It makes me sick the way she acts like she's the victim in this situation, even though she CREATED it and her children suffer because of it. Any suggestions how to handle this? My loved ones are hurting.
2007-10-17 04:15:33 · 16 answers · asked by Laughing_Chick 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband has tried to be friends with her, but she has "issues." She comes from a very unstable background and a broken childhood, and she can't retain relationships for long periods of time. She is really good at making first impressions but after a while her friends figure out what she's really like and they end up parting with her. She steals money, lies to people, and always plays the part of the victim. People buy it all the time.
2007-10-17 04:31:47 · update #1
luisamapacha-- I'm "butting out of it" when it comes to legal aspects of this situation, but these people are my FAMILY, and I can't be out of the situation all together because I'm already in it.
2007-10-17 04:38:06 · update #2
My husband's ex-wife is both to the extreme, BeautyGirly, which is part of the reason why my husband has full custody.
The children are still young and do get to see their mother when she comes to visit, however. She is entitled to have parent-time with them and so we support the children and encourage the visits between them and their mother. We stay supportive for the children's sake. We want them to feel secure and loved.
2007-10-17 09:00:43 · update #3
Sounds like you are stressing about this situation--you are letting this woman get to you and you really shouldnt. why not bring her to court for the money she owes you? Is your husband going through the child support office for the child support- have it taken from her check(or doesn't she work) - if she does ... do it this way. and also, where I live- you can also send in the medical bills to them- and have that also taken out of her check.
Thats great that your husband got all those bills paid - the way I look at it is this - No, she should not get away with not paying these bills - do it the legal way- court. but, you are also letting her take a piece of you away - you are thinking about this situation daily - this is taking time away from other things - other people- if this lady wants to live an unhappy life without her children- so be it - you should just be happy it is not you in that situation.
Just be happy- and don't let this girl get to you- and go about it the legal way,...
2007-10-18 03:08:42 · answer #1 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are two types of people that the Bibles says to separate yourself from and that is adulterers and thieves.
Your description of her shows her to be a thief so to lessen the pain your loved ones are going through my suggestion would be to disconnect and separate your family from this person.
If the children are at an age where you still have to allow visitation; stick to the visitation schedule.
Do not belittle the mother to the children they will figure it all out and know who has been there for them.
Studies show that if the parents belittle the other parents it harms the emotional stability of the child.
2007-10-17 14:28:24 · answer #2 · answered by BeautyQueen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although i totally understand your dilema , i have to say that your husband is either 1. liking being the martyr 2. Male pride doesnt want to have to beg her for help or 3. he doesnt have a clue how to make her do what she's suppose to do legally.
so i'll go with each scenerio
1. If he's liking being the martyr then watch out, people are like this, have every excuse in the world not to "take care" of the actual problem meanwhile getting everyone to feel sorry for him over the problem.
2. Male ego.. this happens with alot of men, they feel its a shot to their ego to have to ask of all people a woman, let alone his "ex" wife for help when it comes to the kids..he'd rather just pay everything himself and leave her out of it, instead of having to babysitt her into doing what she should be doing just to hear "what? u cant make it on your own ? fine give me custody then" which alottttttttt of non-custodial parents do say when u start asking for money.
3. he doesnt know how to stop this cycle.. in which case he needs to spend money on a lawyer, hold her in contempt of court for not paying her child support and her share of the medical bills, when the judge finds her guilty of being in contempt he can also ask for the money for his lawyer fee's since she's the reason why he had to get an attorney. Once a judgement is in place, he needs to have her pay through the courts, or through child support enforcement. They will stay on top of her making sure she pays, if she doesnt, they will attach her pay check, they will suspend her license, they will take any money owed to him out of her income tax refund.. they will put a lien on any property that she owns until he is paid in full.. and in some instances he can also get interest on back childsupport.. but while the state goes after her for it, he wouldnt have to worry about constantly going and paying attorney fee's everytime she pulls the "i dont feel like i want to pay my childsupport"
HE CAN PUT A STOP TO THIS HE JUST HAS TO WANT TO DO IT
2007-10-18 04:42:24 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is an order in the divorce decree for child support, split payment of medical bills and other debts and she is not paying- she is in contempt of court- violating a court order.
Your husband needs to contact his attorney and file a Petition for Citation of Contempt.
He should gather copies of all the checks and/or receipts he has written to the creditors/collectors and medical bills as proof.
2007-10-17 11:55:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take it to the courts.....in some states they take away driver's licenses and even more extreme measures when the ex spouse fails to pay according to the divorce agreement.
Otherwise, you really can't do much else, and to dwell on it and for your family to dwell on it is senseless. You can't change her, you can only go through the proper channels with the court system and make the best of what you have.
2007-10-17 21:27:21 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a divorced mom who is going through this right now, you need to let it go. Get a court order for her to pay those expenses and then let it go, and let the courts deal with her. He is doing the exact thing he should be doing, and his children are with him. Letting her make you angry over the money is giving her power in your lives. Just let her go....she will have to pay it one day or another even if it is out of her social security.
2007-10-17 11:23:56 · answer #6 · answered by vaughnc5920 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he has a child support order, then take it down to your local child support enforcement office. To find out the nearest one to you, go to this website (http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html) and click on your state.
Also provide them with a copy of the divorce papers that state she is to pay for 1/2 of the medical expenses relating to the children and copies of all the bills. They will open a case and go after her for current child support as well as arrearages. They can also collect for the medical too. To make it easier for Child Support Enforcement, you may want to list all the children's medical bills, amounts owed, etc. on a spread sheet so that everything is compiled and organized. This will save them from having to go through mounds of information to calculate what she owes.
As far as the debt she owes him regarding their own bills, I believe he would have to take her back to court for that.
2007-10-17 11:23:26 · answer #7 · answered by junebug 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
is he going thru support collections for child support?? It sounds to me that he is not, I would start there. Child support thru support collections is paid up untill they are the age of 21. And if he is going thru support collections I would not worry about it she will have to pay that money no matter what. She could be 90 years old and still be paying on support. Remeber tell your husband that even thought you may not be thru support and that he tries to make a mends with her he has to remeber it for the kids!!!!!! Its the best way to go and it will be out of his hands.
2007-10-17 12:27:07 · answer #8 · answered by dilly179 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs to try to be friends with his ex for his kids sake! in time she may realize hes not agianst her and just wants whats best for the kids! what has happened -happened!if the parents can get along the children will be happier and also this will guide them into being a good person as an adult
2007-10-17 11:25:47 · answer #9 · answered by tiffany 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is out of your hands. The only solution that is apparent is for him to have an attorney file a suit, get a judgement, and attach her paycheck, bank account, house, etc. Don't waste your time worrying about this; let the legal beagle handle it.
2007-10-17 11:48:15 · answer #10 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋