i have been married for 6 years we are in our 40's and my husband wants to get in to swinging .?

Question

Does this mean he dosent love me any more? or does it mean I am not satsfining him or is he worried he is not pleasing me please help I am so confused

Answer 1

It means none of those things, probably.

BUT it depends a lot on how he approached it with you. First of all - keep in mind that it was a risky thing to come to you with that - he must have been confident he could trust you with it - not necessarily that you will go for it, just that you will not kill him for bringing it up. Kudos on that - most marriages do not have that level of trust.

When my husband brought it up to me, I didn't know what to think. We talked about it for over a year. 4 years later, we do it and I love it. It is not for everyone and nobody should ever HAVE to do it. A weak marriage will shatter from it.

If you don't want to do it, don't. If you just want to talk about it, talk about it. If you want to never hear about it again, tell him. Open communication means a lot. If he pushes and pushes this is not good - he is not respecting your limits.

If you want to talk about it feel free to email me.

Answer 2

You have to ask him this question yourself. He is the only one who knows the answer. I think after being married for so long we tend to do the same o same o. He could be wanting a variety and instead of going out and cheating on you he would like you to join as well. Be very careful if you decide to swing because emotions get in the way so I am told. Try fantasizing and talking about it when having sex I have heard that ,that is more of a turn on then the real thing.

Answer 3

It depends on your relationship. If you have a strong one you will do well. The most important thing is the rules you two make . This is very important. There are different types of swinging. Clubs or groups. Clubs are very organized and very strict guide lines in them. Safe sex is the biggest rule of all. They a privately owned do not what any trouble at all in them. I would rather go their than most night clubs. Some people got to clubs just to watch. So you do not have to do any thing just watch and see what goes on. Clubs are like going to night clubs. Most have a Bar that dose not serve alcohol. Just the drink mixes and some food, game room, dance floor a gathering room and bed rooms. you can find web sites on the different clubs. It is like going to a live soft porn movie but live.There s a big organization of clubs to. I hope this helps you out. Best of luck.

Answer 4

It means none of the above. Many men would think that swinging would be fun. If you are swinging he is sharing the experience with you. You should talk to him about it, and if you do not completely object you should try it. You may love it. Just make sure the two of you are on the same page and understand what the rules and boundaries are. If you are completely against it then you should tell him that also.

Answer 5

If this was your first marriage occurring within your 30's, then maybe it's from the lack of variety he now has if he was a bit of a ladies' man prior to marriage. He may seem bored and if you're not doing some sex acts other than just standard with him, then try being adventuresome. If that's not the case, then it points to him wanting the variety back of having other women as casual sex partners. Not necessarily an end to love, but he may be putting on an excuse to go back to having multiple sex partners. Men like him think they were made to do just that.

Answer 6

It means he's immoral. No moral man would want to share his wife with another while he gets his "kicks." Do either of you share a faith?

In the Christian faith, the bible teaches that the husband's body belongs to the wife and the wife's body belongs to her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) So to share something that belongs to another is not only a sin, but a lack of love and respect towards your mate.

But religious beliefs or not, swinging is just another way of having sex outside of marriage with someone just trying to justify it as "consensual." Don't let him dupe you into swinging to satisfy his selfish urges!

Find out why he wants to "swing" and to see if he'd be happy with any other alternative -- between only the two of you!

Answer 7

It could mean a lot of things. I am sure he still loves you, but maybe he wants to experiment sexually. Have you every talked about your sex life with your husband? If you are not comfortable with this, ask him if you guys could experiment on your own. Perhaps some videos, new positions, or mabye you could wear a sexy outfit/costume for him. Don't worry yourself with why he wants to do this, just talk to him and find out the answer directly from him instead of guessing yourself.

Answer 8

Your fears may be justified, but we're not the ones to ask if you want the real truth. We're just guessing here. I have no idea who you are, and I know even less about your husband. How is your relationship otherwise? Has he been acting strange lately? Is this totally out of character for him? Are you both used to sharing intimate information about yourselves with one another? Yes? No?

My advice would be to not jump to conclusions about your husband's suggestion. What matters here, more than the sexual aspect of things, is his motives. If his reasons are indeed selfish or self-centred, I, too, would hit the brakes. But (!) it IS possible that none of your fears are justified. It IS possible that 1) he not only still loves you, but loves you enough and trusts you enough to approach you with this suggestion; this makes him especially vulnerable, so please be aware of this. 2) It's possible that he is very satisfied with you, but just wants to EXPAND your sex life...and this happened to be one fantasy he was interested in. 3) It's also possible that he's very secure about his ability to satisfy you, but doesn't want to limit you to only him, just to soothe an ego that doesn't need soothing. Maybe he just wants to see your every sexual whim satisfied?...

The worst things you coud do are,
1) Clam up and refuse to communicate
2) Jump down his throat with assumptions and accusations that you haven't bothered to verify.
3) Get mad and go through with it just to "punish" him, to spite him.
4) Sulk and play the martyr, going through with it to crucify yourself into sainthood...that's about as stupid as it sounds.
5) Go through with it if you're anything less than enthusiastic about it, or if you're at all unable to trust your spouse.

Please visit the site below. You'll meet lots of nice folks there who have actual experience swinging, and who have been exactly where you are. You'll also find answers to all your questions and plenty of accurate information.

Best of luck to the both of you, and please email me if you have specific questions. My husband and I have been married 13 years now and have had much success with swinging. It has many unexpected benefits! I was in your shoes about 8 years ago, and just as confused. I was outraged and hurt...it turns out I was my own worst enemy. By that I mean that my husband's intentions weren't the problem, my own insecurities and rampant imagination were! His motives were pure. It's worth putting your emotional reaction on the back burner long enough to allow him to explain himself.

Answer 9

I think that if it was any of the things you mentioned in your question that he would have left or just cheated, so it has to be something else. Only he can answer that, though. Personally, I think if you're going to have sex with other people, there's no point in being married. You made vows to each other (and to God, if you're Christian) to only be with each other. If either of you has sex with anyone else, even if the other one knows, it's still adultry! If you don't want to do this, then tell him no, but still talk to him about it and find out where this is coming from. This may mean you guys need a counselor, just to facilitate the conversation if you're struggling to do it on your own.

Answer 10

Men often weird out in their 40s. I think it's a midlife crisis thing. If you are not cool with the swinging thing(as most married people are), then tell him flat out. I would have a long talk with hi to see what his motivation is.

Answer 11

well no one knows what hes thinking. May I suggest something to you? Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn It is far too many disease out there to try to reason why he wants to swing. So go find yourself a branch and swing away from this man! Tell him no way. Aids, herpes, venereal diseases, all kinds of disgusting things. Some you can get rid of some you can't. Do you all have kids? Its your call.