Is my husband an alchoholic?????/?

Question

We recently married and I had never seen him drink while we were dating (he hid it well), we dated for a year. After we married he "came clean" with me about his alchoholism. So here it is.....20 years ago when he graduated college he got into some serious trouble with alchohol and had to choose between rehab or jail. Obviously he chose rehab and AA. Ok, so he never quit drinking he just drank more "socially" on the weekends and then about five years ago his wife is diagnosed with Breast cancer and he is drinking to deal with that. She passed (I know very sad) three years ago and up unitl our marriage (4months ago) he admitted he was drinking when the kids went to bed in his bedroom until he passed out and this was every night. Now we are married and I have noticed some drinking and I don't like it, my ex was an alchoholic and it was terrible. So I haven't seen any beer for months until last night when I found his whiskey above the stove? See he can hide it in his Pepsi.

Several times I have found the whiskey bottles hidden here or there. But I never see him "drunk" and he doesn't go to bars. Is this just the beggining or do you think he is just one of those people who can drink casually at night at home and be fine?

Answer 1

Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. If he won't admit it or refuses to get help, you can go to alanon or/and Coda. Good Luck.

Answer 2

So in other words...........you knew he was an alcoholic 20 years ago when he graduated college, you knew he was an alcoholic after AA because he claimed to just be a "social" drinker, you knew he was an alcoholic after his wife died of breast cancer and he would drink until he passed out every night, and then you married him 4 months ago and you're upset because you've noticed some drinking and you don't like it? Lady............YOU MARRIED AN ALCOHOLIC AND YOU KNEW IT GOING IN! So whatever you do, please don't play stupid and act like you're some kind of a victim here. You can "thumbs down" me all you want, but if you didn't want the truth then you shouldn't have asked the question. My advice? Be a good wife and get your husband the help he never got over the past 20 years.

Answer 3

sounds like it to me. attempt to talk to him and get him to attend an AA assembly so he will pay attention the failings being suggested. it rather is not "basically what human beings his age do" this is the 1st signs and indications that he has a situation and the quicker he recognized it, the quicker he can get help. The stressful component right this is which you could't do it for him. it rather is a few thing he will could admit on his very own first and pushing the situation might desire to reason him to drink greater. (talking from adventure right here) My first husband became into an alcoholic and did no longer see this as a situation. Me and his family contributors tried and tried yet to no avail. In my case the end result became into terrible, I had to tell my little ones at a while 3 and 5 that there father had long previous to be with Jesus and that's the toughest component I even have ever had to do. He went out ingesting one evening with pals and tried to tension residing house and rolled the motor vehicle. by potential of the grace of God no physique else became into in touch interior the accident. now and lower back they don't comprehend the techniques they make harm others so badly and influence lives constantly. this is a illness and one that desires to be taken very heavily. If he won't circulate to AA with you there are communities which you would be able to attend as a companion of an alcoholic which could help teach you the ideal thank you to handle the situation and attempt to assist him. on your sake and his i desire he comes around quickly and you detect your solutions. God Bless

Answer 4

It took me a very long time to believe the phrase,"Once and alcoholic, always an alcoholic" People said that to me over and over and I finally came to believe it. Like someone said before, hiding bottles, etc is not a good sign. If he admits to being an alcoholic, then that is what he is. The thing is, you can't do anything about it. You can't love him out of it, threaten him out of it, or anything else. This is something he has to do on his own for himself.All you can do is take care of you. Go to al-anon. If you don't know, that is a support group for spouses and loved ones of alcoholics. Remember, you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. Those are the three C's of al-anon. You have one of two option, you can get yourself healthy and pray that he follows suit, or you can live in denial with him and let him take you both to the bottom, which is somewhere you don't want to go. I know this is scary, but know that you are not alone. Be strong and know that you deserve to be happy and healthy, no matter what you have to do. It's up to you. Good luck.

Answer 5

He is an alcoholic. He is exhibiting the following signs, as outlined by AA:

- hiding his drinking from loved ones
- drinking alone
- lying or downplaying how much and how often he drinks
- drinking to forget problems
- drinking daily/must drink in order to sleep
- drinking until he passes out/blacks out

He's an alcoholic. Period. Either he drinks or he doesn't. With them, there's no in between. Make sure he gets back into AA now. If he won't, at least go fo yourself. Here are some more questions to look over:

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_is_aa_for_you.cfm?PageID=13

Answer 6

Based on his past, I don't think he's the type of person who can drink casually and handle it ok. And the fact that he hides his whiskey bottles and mixes it with Pepsi seems to say that he's embarrassed or reluctant to tell you he's still dependent on alcohol. If it were me, I would approach him. Tell him you found his whiskey and it hurts you that he felt he couldn't talk to you about the situation. Tell him that your past experiences with alcohol (don't call him an alcohol) haven't been good and you don't want to go down that road again. Offer to help him get sober again...tell him how how important it is to you that he clean up (if you want to stay with him of course). I think it would be best to use "I feel" statements in the conversation and try not to point fingers or blame him. If he refuses to acknowledge he has a problem or if he refuses to get help, I would re-evalute your marriage...good luck!

Answer 7

There is such a thing as a "functioning alcoholic"... and maybe that is what your husband might be?

It's hard to tell, hon. And the only person who can really tell if your husband has an alcohol problem, and admit to it is your husband.

Just because he might be a functioning alcoholic, doesn't mean it won't have bad effects on his health, or even kill him eventually.

You might want to try Alanon, a support group for those of us whose lives are affected by an alcoholic, if you need support from people who have some of the same issues as you. They also have a website.

I'm sorry for your worry, but you can't change your husband. it's up to him to get proper help. hugs

Answer 8

hhhmmm I don't know a thing about alcoholism except when you are one you are always one. People go to AA classes their whole lives to stay away from it. I think as his wife you have every right to be concerned and ask him. Especially if your finding hidden bottles. You will only be helping out the situation for the better.

Answer 9

if he has had problems with alcohol in the past, he still has them now, and will have them for the rest of his life. it sounds like he's alcoholic, alcoholism is a disease, and cannot be stopped just because you or anyone else wants him to stop. he needs help, if he seems to be ok now but is hiding is drinking, it will only get worse from here. hiding the drinking is just the beginning stages of full blown alcoholism. talk to him about the changes you've noticed in his behavior and tell him you want him to get help. if he plans on going back to AA he cannot drink while he in the program or it is absolutely useless for him to be there. i hope you're husband decides to get himself help for both his sake and yours.

Answer 10

Contact AA and start attending meetings, they aren't just for alcoholics, but also for loved ones of alcoholics. They will teach you how to deal with it, and not become an enabler.

A lot of psychology goes into dealing with the alcoholic, and you may actually encourage it when you think you are helping.

Answer 11

You had been in a previous relationship with an alcoholic and yet you saw no signs of this man having a problem. Sorry, hon, I am not buying it.

Hiding whiskey in Pepsi still produces a smell on his breath, you didn't notice?