What advice do you have to not let a gossiping, dishonest ex get to you?

Question

My ex wife and ex girlfriend are friends and seem to have nothing better to do than sit around and bag on me to any and everyone within earshot. I live in a small community and I know I shouldnt let it bother me but, it does. If they want to bag on me for things I did wrong, fine. I could handle that. However they take something that has an ounce of truth and completely distort it to make it 10x worse than what the true story is. I know, my true friends and more intelligent, grounded people will takt their gossiping with a grain of salt however, it is still getting to me. They are both bigtime victim personalities so everything is my fault (or another ex) that has ever happened to them. So, any concrete advice as to not let this bother you?

Answer 1

Well, my friend, I suppose you could rest in the fact that what they are saying is a lie. You know your reasons for ending the relationship the way you did, and I'm sure that your reasons were good ones. Try to make sure that this gossiping and slander doesn't occur in front of your kids.
If a third party brings it up to you, calmly say that the relationship ended badly and it is unfortunate that your ex feels the need to spread this gossip. Be calm, polite, and even add a sense of humor or pity to it. Be the bigger man by brushing it off and not saying anything bad about either of them (I'm sure you wouldn't). People will look at you and your behavior, realize that you are much more mature, and be more likely to disregard your ex's future gossip. Good luck.

Answer 2

Your question is a valid one that unfortunaly happens more often than not, espeacially in small towns. There is no getting around the fact that it is hurtful and therefor at somepoint we become angry and resentful sometimes to the point that retaliation to the situation seems the only way...However if in fact we took on this act even if it is to save ourselves we are infact allowing the source to get the better of what we know is abosolute 'TRIPE!' and low in behold somehow we turn into the very monster they have been betraying!

My point is that action causes reaction, reaction causes action and so it goes on and on and on. You have a couple of choices and they are,

1. keep entertaing their gossip untill the point you become so hurt and angry that you retaliate forcefully to save your pride
OR
2.know that you are not this person and that you are much better off now that she is your EX!..you are the better person because you are not gossiping or putting these people down instead you you are wishing them well in their future, and wish them happiness...I'm not saying that this is easy but in time they will get bored, people will get to the point where they wont want to be around them because they're tired of it and you will be invited to barbies laughing because you can be proud that you didnt fall into a crack created to take you down,,,,;)

Answer 3

Well, you could fight fire with fire but then you'd be no better than them. First of all, if all they do is set around beating you up, that means they have a pretty pathetic, empty life. You know that guy you see in the bathroom mirror every morning and evening? Well, you have to be able to respect him and the only way you can do that is to keep your mouth shut, don't say anything bad or disparaging about these gals and if some smuck says "Hey, you know what so and so said about you?" Just say "No and I don't care to know" and go on about your business or change the subject.

So, buck up, keep your mouth shut and whenever you get to feeling that you're being screwed with, remind yourself that you're better than them and pity them for their pitiful, sorry existance they call a life. Don't forget that anytime you let them get riled up, you're showing that they still have control over you. By ignoring them and what they say, you're making them powerless.

Answer 4

I read about a psychologoy study somewhere that people who speak negatively of others are perceived negatively, while people who speak well of others are thought of in the same light. So when they are speaking badly of you, people may enjoy listening a while (shame on them) but they won't think much of your exes.

Best thing to do is raise your profile in town (volunteer, always act nice to your current girlfriend, etc.) and over time your reputation will overcome their comments. In the meantime, you'll learn who your true friends are.

PS Maybe they're blowing things out of proportion because they never got the basic apologies they wanted? If so, fess up & move on!

Answer 5

Don't let it bother you. People are going to talk, that's life unfortunately. I gout out of a relationship and i dumped my boyfriend for lying to me about seeing this other girl. And that was a year and a half ago. And I still hear things from friends that they still sit around and talk about me. Maybe a coping method? I don't know, but immature. Don't let it get to you. Be the bigger person. Just remember that those people aren't the people that you want to be. Living in a small community people are going to talk about whatever and whoever they want.

Sorry!

Answer 6

I've experienced a similiar situation, and an ex can be a pretty ruthless individual, especially if he or she were scorned badly. Just keep doing what you're doing and ignore them and they will stop, but if they find out it is bothering you, they will become worse. I know it's tough to do, but eventually if they keep it up the people they are telling it to will realize their obsession. Give people credit-- they can see through mean people like that. No reaction is the best cure! Trust me!

Answer 7

unfortunately if he does not have any receipts stating he paid her child support, he is pretty much screwed. When my first wife and I separated and I paid her directly, for about 10 months, the courts didn't accept the amount I paid her, it was only the last month that I had paid her with Money Orders and that is the only thing the court took into consideration. That was back in the early 90's and Imagine the courts haven't changed much.

Answer 8

What a dilemma! rubbing more salt in your wounds with their normal gossip sessions! Hey you the target of normal malicious gossip.Dont retalate in any way as this only leads to unsolved trouble down the line.Simply avoid the gossip mongers and yes remember that nobody is compeling you to listen.Eliminate all undivine elements from your life...Live your life!

Answer 9

Have enough confidence in yourself not to let it bother you.

If they are that sort of personality in small town chances are everyone pretty much knows it anyways. People may find gossip fun to listen to but when push comes to shove it also speaks volumes about their personalities

Answer 10

Sonds like it's time to move on. I wouldn't let it bother me. I think I would avoid seeing them for a while. If someone asks you about it just say. I really don't want to know what they said. You will just get mad, and fall into their trap. So don't say anything bad. Don't be like them and gossip and throw fuel on a fire.