53. While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"
Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything."
The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you."
The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt , Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side. His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance. God is good.
2007-10-17 03:31:09 · 14 answers · asked by Johnny 7 in Politics & Government ➔ Politics
Hillary quotes:
"We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work is a four-letter word." Ahhh..it is.
“Who is going to find out? These women are trash. Nobody’s going to believe them.” –on Bill Clinton’s bimbo eruptions
“If I didn’t kick his *** every day, he wouldn’t be worth anything.” Guess who
"I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession which I entered before my husband was in public life."
"We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." Yipes
"I have said that I'm not running and I'm having a great time being pres — being a first-term senator."
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
"I have to confess that it's crossed my mind that you could not be a Republican and a Christian."
"God bless the America we are trying to create."
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 200 women went down on the Titanic.
"In an upcoming interview with the gay magazine The Advocate, Hillary Clinton says the rumors about her being a lesbian are not true and she says she's never had sex with a woman, no matter how many times Bill has begged her to."
"Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because 'she can't think of a better cheerleader for America.' To which Bill Clinton said, 'I can think of 20 and I have their phone numbers.'"
Hillary was finishing up a day as Senator for New York when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer...
"I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents."
Hillary pondered for a moment and then asked, "Unlimited wealth and power?"
"Absolutely unlimited," the Devil asserted.
"A pandering media?" she asked.
"They'll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you say or do," the Devil assured.
"And you want my soul, my family's souls, and the souls of my constituents?" she asked.
"Yes. All of them," the Devil answered.
Hillary was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:
"So...what's the catch?"
2007-10-17 03:52:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's one from about a year ago
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway.
Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton."
They are asking for a $10 million ransom.
Otherwise they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.
We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a gallon."
2007-10-17 03:38:51 · answer #2 · answered by Mark A 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Very good my friend. I don't know if mine is quite as funny though... Question: How can you tell if Hillary Clinton is lying? Answer: Her lips are moving!
2016-05-23 03:46:25 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great one.
Hillary is a joke all by herself but did you hear the one when she went to the doctor.
Hillary came back home and bill said "how was your pap smear" (a truly horrifiying thought) and she said:
"The pap smear was ok, but what is prostate cancer?"
2007-10-17 03:35:37 · answer #4 · answered by infobrokernate 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
LOL! That`s a good one. I don`t have any Hillary jokes.
2007-10-17 03:36:33 · answer #5 · answered by MISTY 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
At least Hillary didn't put him in jail for exercising his freedom of speech.
I bet she starts doing that to us.
2007-10-17 03:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by Duminos 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
So I guess he bleed to death, killing 4 birds with one stone.
2007-10-17 03:34:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
2007-10-17 03:36:44 · answer #8 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you call 8 men who stand around "bad mouthing" Bush ?
A republican presidential debate.
.
2007-10-17 03:37:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
And people say she's soft on terrorists.........
2007-10-17 03:35:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋