do you think it is wrong to set a deadline for the two of you to marry? I know after one or two years an ultimatum is bad, but after 10 years, is it fair?
2007-10-17 03:20:15 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has popped the question, gone ring shopping, etc.,
but when I try to pin down actual details and make plans, he acts weird, I think.
2007-10-17 03:27:08 · update #1
I would like to have children, and would like to be married first...
2007-10-17 03:46:31 · update #2
I would praise Jesus. 10 years & your still happy? Why would you want to wreck that for a piece of paper?
2007-10-17 03:24:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋
He's stringing you along and you need to stop allowing him to play this game with you. 10 years is long enough to lay up with a man, without the benefit of marriage. If he's that happy, there's no reason why he shouldn't marry you. You are absolutely right in setting a date--not a deadline--to get married. Neither should you wait another year for him to make up his mind. Whether you have an engagement ring, or not; tell this man that you want to get married within the next 6 months. This gives him enough time to either marry you, or leave.
This is the problem with live-in relationships. These guys get all the conveniences of marriage, without making a commitment. Of course the man is happy. He's getting regular sex from you and all the comforts of home. Furthermore, he can still wait around for Miss Right, and leave whenever she comes along. Make a stand. No more stringing you along, and no more games. You don't need a big celebration; so don't let him trick you into waiting for some fantasy wedding. Time's up; no more delays. Apply for your marriage license and get married at the courthouse. You can plan a nice reception or have a mock church wedding later. Bottom line: if this man doesn't marry you within 6 months, walk!
2007-10-17 10:47:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that it's bad. I mean, you two have to have the same goals and hopes for the future, which includes getting married. If its important to you, it should be important to him too.
I was with my husband for 8 and a half years before he popped the question. I was ready to have "the talk" with him when we hit ten years, but in my case he had not popped the question or anything like that. We had only talked about marriage and having kids and etc. Once he popped the question, I started checking out churches and reception halls and once I got dates that the two had open that coincided, I gave him those dates and asked him if he had a preference. LOL
We're about to celebrate our first anniversary in two weeks.
I say, talk with him, explain how you feel that he is putting off the wedding by not helping to pin down a date. If the two of you have been happily together for ten years, you should have no problem laying out in no uncertain terms how you feel. Save the "or else" conversation for only if he does not respond to your initial conversation with him though.
Good luck!
2007-10-17 11:05:41 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to let him know how important this is to you...and ask him why he keeps putting it off? Communication is everything. After 10 years, you should know him well enough to talk about anything. I think you want to get married becuz it makes a woman feel more secure in a relationship. Men sometimes see it as a ball and chain. They think we are happy so why mess up a good thing? you 2 will need to come to an understanding on this. Otherwise resentment is going to build up.. maybe on both sides. Myself, as long as I know my man loves me enuff to marry me, is all I need. But I have already been that route and had my children. If you are planning to have kids then I think you should be married. It is important to the children to have a stable traditional household. If he will not marry you, then you will have to make a decision...
2007-10-17 10:56:09 · answer #4 · answered by Donna B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, putting a deadline or an ultimatum is just wrong anyway because odds are you're just pushing them into something that they don't really want to do. And you know they don't want to do it because its been 10 years and still nothing. See where women mess up with men is, you all put men in these positions of power and then wonder why they don't want to submit to you. You have given this man 10 years of your life, love, time, and cookie. So what do you want him to committ now for? See in a man's mind, he has no reason to marry you. He's already living the life of a married man, jut without the title or papers. I hate to be mean but I have to be hinest with you. You brought this upon yourself and odds are that he will leave you before he marries you. I'm sorry I have to just be blount here.
2007-10-17 10:57:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
After ten years, you are either a solid couple already or have waited far too long to get married.
I would say that the two of you need to sit down and talk about his fears of marriage. Ask him to explain why being married would be so different than what you have now.
If he gives you non-answers push him for real answers. Do not accept answers like "Marriage is just a piece of paper." If his answers do not make sense then it is time to call it quits. I would not continue to play the game of someday.
Take care,
Troy
2007-10-17 10:48:03 · answer #6 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have children or intend to have children than marriage should be an important issue. However if children are not involved happiness comes first and marriage is not that important. I went out with and lived with my wife for 21 years before I married her. Years ago people looked down on couples who live together and were not married.Today no one cares at all. If you are happy living together don't push it,believe me marriage is not going to make you feel happier or more secure.Not the way things are today.Married today divorced tomorrow.
2007-10-17 10:44:09 · answer #7 · answered by Julius C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Analogy 1: Put a horse in a paddock and it will be happy, tie it to a post and it'll start to kick.
Analogy 2: Emergency exits on an aeroplane are pointless unless you crash at sea, so why bother having them on planes that only fly over land?
He is that horse in that paddock and he's happy to be on that plane as long as those emergency exits are there. But he has this irrational fear of being chained and there being no emergency exits. He hasn't wanted out of the paddock in 10 years and the plane has never crashed. It's irrational fear.
2007-10-17 10:38:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to get some counseling so that he can figure out why he goes ring shopping but doesn't set a date. He may have some issues that he isn't aware of that is influencing him, or it could be that it isn't really love on his part and he shops for the ring because that is what he should do but doesn't set a date because it is not what he wants to do.
2007-10-17 10:39:42 · answer #9 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your mother , your mother in law , the women you would ask to be matron's of honor and brides maids , sit down at the table in front of him with bridal magazines , brochures and note pads and start planning , if he hasnt agreed to a date by now he isnt going to.
Use the date you started dating or take it 12 months from when you plan to sit down and dont turn into bridezilla remember you dont need to waste thousands on it .
Have fun planning away , I know both my wive's did so did my mother.We are men we dont plan wedding's we just show up to suit fittings and on the day we show up for the vow's why are you waiting for him?.
2007-10-17 10:36:13 · answer #10 · answered by Dragon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whoa, 10 years and he still hasn't popped the question? Well-there must be a reason behind it. If you live together for more than like 7 years you're legally married.
2007-10-17 10:25:03 · answer #11 · answered by Rockstar ☆ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋