yall I am going out of my mind?

Question

my ex husband had an affair with a "friend" of mine. WE were married 23yrs . WE have been divorced 1month . He is trying now to get my 15 yr old daughter to meet this woman.. She backstabbed me lied to me stole my husband and took their daddy. It infuriates me to the point of uncounciousness that he doesn't understand how insensitive this request is.. I dislike him more and more each day but I dispise her for now trying to get in good with my children which is all I have.. Someone tell me what to do

Answer 1

Get yer sawed-aff shotgun and fire up dem thar yeller bellies!

Answer 2

Still in all there his children too, Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions. And if he really is done with the relationship & moved on with his life then its time for you to do the same. Don't think its about you rushing into another relationship give your heart time to mend and then get involved if your ready. Thats deep when you gotta ask yourself if the situation that accurred was it worth ya'll 23yr. relationship. You know honey some people just get tired and would rather run from a situation then work it out.

Answer 3

Have you asked you children how they feel about meeting her? What they have done is water under the bridge and you must find a way to live with that. I decided long ago after husband had an affair with a relative of mine that he was not worth my energy and time to hate. I was not going to give him the satisfaction of expending that much energy on him. Your focus is now your children and whatever you can do to make a smooth path to this transition. If it means sucking in your feelings and swallowing your pride in order to make life easier for your kids than do so. Harboring hate and anger only proves to make you a bitter person. Once I reconciled myself to this way of thinking I have not given him a second thought and I have two amazing grown children whom are both getting married this year. So you be the better person and figure some way to keep your anger and hostility from effecting your children. I promise you with the passage of time all get better. It will be what you choose to do when the wound is still open that will have lasting effects on your children. Good Luck

Answer 4

If you don't allow your daughter to see her and make up her own mind concerning her, then you'll just drive a wedge between your daughter and you. The same is true of any other kids you might have. And if you bad mouth the woman you'll achieve the same results. If your daughter has any questions about the woman then you should answer them and only them, and the answers should be made without vile in them as much as possible.

The same type of thing happened with my mother. She made the mistake of constantly and consistently having it be an issue, which only served to make life miserable for us kids and make us hate her because we could see why our dad wanted to be with someone else.

Answer 5

There is a movie out now Tyler Perry's "Why Did I get Married?" you should go see it, and and take note of the dinner scene....
With that said, you really can't stop this woman from meeting your daughter. Just know that you raised her right and that you are her mother not this former friend. I know you are going through a tough time, but don't let your angry spread to your daughter. Be the better person.
Karma is a *****...what comes around that goes around.

Answer 6

I'm not extremely religious, but this seems like an instance that calls for a very strong faith. It just takes strength... period. I'm not sure how I myself would remain calm and/or "nice" throughout this ordeal.

But... if it were me, the FIRST thing I would do is have a very rational, unbiased conversation with my kids. I would tell them straight up what happened. I wouldn't take the approach of "your daddy is an evil, bad man and he's just ruined our lives". But tell them honestly that your ex-husband, their father, was having an inappropriate relationship with another woman during your marriage, and it eventually led to the break up of the family. And now, their father wants them to meet the very woman who broke up the family. TELL THEM straight up how uncomfortable you are with this, and how hurt you are over it. Be honest, but don't say or explain it in a disgusting way or with tones of hatred. Let them judge for themselves.

Next I would just pray and pray and pray. 23 years is a long time, and I feel for you. You need the strength from somewhere to not let this ordeal consume you and take over your life. Before you know it you might think about it so much that it may cause you to do something you'll regret.

I would also suggest moving away, but then you take the kids completely away from their father.

In the end, you will eventually have to "move on". That's the normal suggestion, but can sound really insensitive and cold in a lot of circumstances. I know that's not the answer you want to hear, but EVENTUALLY, yes, you'll have to move on. I know it won't be quick after 23 years. This may be a long process.

Good luck to you, and I'm sorry this happened.

Answer 7

You are divoced. His sentimental life is none of yoru bussiness anymore and you have to accept how things are right now.

Sure, the homewreker doesn't deserve to steal and charm yoru kids away too, but your ex-h has the right to see his children and if she's involved in his life, they will meet at one point or another. You have no control of him anymore and when the childs goes and visit, she will meet with her either you want this to happen or not, it's inevitable.

My advice to you is to be the better person and try your best to be civil with the backstabbing witch. This is for your child's own benefit and peace of mind. This is very hard for your daughter as well and divorce ain;t no picnic for the kids, so do not make matters worse.

Good luck

Answer 8

im so sorry for what you are going through.i went through the same thing also.only my ex and i were married for 12 yrs not as long as you were,but still a long time.the mistress wasnt a friend of mine either.my ex aslo wanted my daughter 13 at the time,to meet his new woman.i was so infuriated by this ,but i also knew that my daughter was old enough to know if she wanted to meet the woman who tore our family apart.well she didnt accept the offer until about a six months later,but she did.i wasnt mad at her for doing so,but i was dying inside of me over it.my son whom was 11 at the time didnt accept her,and 7 years later,still hasnt. i have gotten over the whole thing and i have tried talking to my son about forgiving her for what she had done to our family.he refuses till this day to even say a word to the woman.the hardest thing of all,is that his daddy has another child with this woman now and my son wont accept her either.what you must understand eventually is that even though this lady was your "friend" ,it took two to tango.its still recent,so it will be hard for you to understand (if you havent already).you need time to heal and move on.its ok if you dispise her and dislike him for whatever reasons,but dont express these feeling to your children.it will cause them emotional harm.they may not show it,but it will be as if they are torn between thier mom and dad.i think that at 15,she knows if shes ready to accept meeting this woman.your husband may or maynot care about how you feel about this,but either way,heis trying to "move on"and have his new family with her including your children.this is a very painful and difficult situation to be in.pray that the lord give you the strenght to get through this and move on with your life.whatever you do,dont "feed" negative things about your ex or the other woman to your children.it isnt a good thing to do.they will see things for themselves eventually.in the meantime,i will pray for you as i have been through the same horrible thing as you.good luck and stay strong.....

Answer 9

Keep your bond strong with your daughter, be honest with her in all things appropriate for her age, and allow her to decide, she is fifteen, and old enough to decide... Tell your ex to allow her to have a say in this... And on your end, as a mother give her the true hearted OK, for her to do what she really feels she should... It is not her fault he was a jerk to you. It is not your fault... And above all what goes around comes around... Be good in all you do, and do it with the purest of heart, even if it means giving your daughter the OK, here and not add more pain to her as she suffered when he did this to you too...

Always take time for her, forget about the pain this man did to you.. STOP allowing him control and the so called friend too... And know good comes to those good in heart... Have faith be strong... And take back the part of your heart they stole from you...

Answer 10

I would definitely be pissed!! You guys haven't been apart long enough for him to want the children to meet the sl**t.
But....how Does your daughter feel? At 15, she's at an age when you should at least consider what she thinks.
I would make sure I get my divorce/separation legally established then do some more thinking on this subject. If your daughter doesn't want to meet this woman I wouldn't force her (and would be secretly very pleased), but if she does want to meet her, I'd have to seriously have to think about it. maybe your daughter would just like a chance to tell this woman how scummy she is. Good luck to you; I'll keep you in my prayers :)

Answer 11

It must be a really hard situation for you but if your husband is still a good father to your child and he wants her to meet 'the other women' you need to just let it happen. I am sure you want to kick her *** but think how you getting upset about the situation will effect your daughter. As long as this woman is going to treat her well and not attempt bad mouthing you then it is better to let it happen. YOU are her mother and you obviously love her very much, no one and nothing will come between that and definitely NOT a women that took her father away from you. That is the way your daughter will see it too. Good luck to you.