I have been married for 6 years and love my husband very much. We have 3 kids and I wouldn't change a thing. During the last few semesters of college I met a guy that I became very good friends with. We did projects together, sat by each other, and helped each other. He gave me his number for projects (we never met outside of class). He is also married with 1 kid.
We had a lot in common so it was very easy to talk (we both farm, hunt, etc... both come from a small farming community). Our conversations sometimes had sexual content, not about us but about sex in general. And yes I am like this with most guys (and do it in front of my husband) since I am more confortable with them than girls (grew up with guys). My husband knows this and is okay with it.
Why can't I stop thinking about him? I see him in my dreams. We still talk since he is borrowing some books, but not for 3 months. I would NEVER cheat on my husband. I can't get him out of my head. My husband knows I think he's hot
2007-10-17 02:26:20 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We never had sexual contact but he made comments that he wanted me to come to his house. He also wanted to go to a bar to do our homework. We only saw each other at school, never outside.
2007-10-17 02:28:03 · update #1
We stopped talking for 8 months when the semester ended but I still had these thoughts and feelings. Not talking didn't help, it made it worse.
2007-10-17 02:33:21 · update #2
I graduated, he is borrowing some of my books for classes that I already completed. I had no intention of going to a bar with him. I just want to know why I can't stop thinking about him.
2007-10-17 02:52:44 · update #3
Hi...
Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where we have a connection with a member of the opposite sex, even when we are married. Feelings develop and we can't just toss them into the trash.
And there is a mystery about this person too -- you probably wonder what it would be like to "be with" him as well. It's not abnormal, and you are only human.
If you did get together with him, you'd probably be disappointed anyway... and there is no sense jeopardizing your life and marriage.
I'd say, be happy for the fact that you have had some good times and good feelings for this person -- move on. nothing wrong with treasuing good memories....
We can't help who we have feelings for, either. In time, you will be ok. I'd say focus on YOU, your husband family and friends... keep occupied in your spare time.
And be thankful you and this person crossed paths. Everyone walks through our lives for a reason.
take care
2007-10-17 03:02:38 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is why friendships between male and female usually do not work, we wish it would, but the sexual chemistry always gets in the way. It is natural for male and female to feel a sexual attraction even if they are only friends, it is how it is handled that is the issue here. Since you are beginning to have more thoughts than you should about him indicates you are already having feelings for him and this can lead to dangerous things. My advice would be for you to try and not spend so much time with him only and make other friends in the classroom as well. Also, instead of thinking of all the things you both have in common, try and think of all the things you don't have in common. Think of all the reasons why you love and value your husband. Maybe you and your husband can accept his invitation to going to his home (while his wife is there) so you can view him with his wife and realise he indeed is a married man with a child. This will at least diminish any sexual fantasies you are having about him. And by all means do not put yourself in a position to go to a bar with him. A bar is not an appropriate place for home work anyway and you run the risk of drinking too much and this can lower your inhibitions. Remember, being committed to your husband is not a choice, it is a decision. Don't let anyone alter your decison regarding your loyalty to your husband. Be careful.
2007-10-17 09:40:54 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would shut off complete contact with him. Even though you never cheated with him...it is still an Emotional Affair. Which is very dangerous.
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Added.
I DID have suspicions that my husband had a "friend" like that too. She is a co worker of his. I don't think he intentionally had feelings for her, but it started to effect our relationship. I always had a "feeling" that there might have been some sort of sexual tention. More with him than with her. And it happened at a BAD point of our marriage. Just making excuses for his and her friendship. Now that things have calmed down between us (the fighting), I don't see it as much. I think that he was leaning towards her when we were fighting and felt comfort with her. Now I think that the feelings have simmered down. Please, it is very dangerous (coming from the other side).
2007-10-17 09:30:51 · answer #3 · answered by sunnysideup 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's new. He's fun, y'all have stuff in common, he's easy to talk to. You like him. Not saying you're ready to jump his bones, but it sounds like you like him.
Your husband knows about the guy and you said so you'll never cheat so I think you're okay. If the tone of your conversations start to change and you two start vibin' on a different level, you may need to back up from the friendship.
2007-10-17 09:32:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
that is very sticky situation
I think that you like this guy but would never do anything to hurt your husband
I would cut contact off because the first time you and your spouse get into it and you need someone to talk to there goes that opportunity to cheat
2007-10-17 10:43:13 · answer #5 · answered by jenniferevans32 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if this is a real problem, you should cease all contact with him. it might be hard if you are friends but if there is ANY temptation it might be for the best
2007-10-17 09:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by kingsholto 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Stop interacting with this person if you cannot cool yourself off about him.
2007-10-17 09:30:09 · answer #7 · answered by astralpen 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋