cont..to my emotional spirit so low?

Question

And even problem arises, we can settle and overcome any chaos easily because we are together and we are helping, supporting and loving each other unconditionally.

When his wife arrived, she bargains him that he will never see his daughter again if he will not go with her. I know how much he love his daughter and he is willing enough to give his life for her. His wife knows his weakness and that is why she uses it as her defence. He was really torn between and so depress when his wife told him about it. So since I care for him so much, I was the one who advise him to go with his wife – but the reality, I was wrecked and torn apart. It is already 1 month since that happen but until now I am still bearing the pain and loneliness. I don’t have any other friend here because for 3 years my world is only him and him alone. Both of us are here in a foreign country and we are working on the same company. Most of the days we see each other at work and he is still close, nice and caring to me. That is the only time we can see each other. Outside work, we never see each other. People and colleagues around us are just shutting their mouth but they know how much both of us suffer with the situation. I don’t have the right to get him back because they are still legally married although it is only for formality. But I really want to win him back to me. I know deep inside that he is the right guy for me. So am confuse on what to do? I don’t want to do things that might make me regret in the end. But for now, I really want him to be back in my arms. We have more times together compared to his wife. The only thing that we lack is marriage. Please can anybody seriously help me with my problem?

Answer 1

I'm sorry for your pain, however the truth usually stings a bit. He was never really yours in the first place. I don't know the whole situation but from the details given by you it seems like you were just "the other woman", his wife got suspicious of him and started "popping in" and so now he's busted and has to do damage control.. Its very unfortunate, probably not your fault, but happens alot. Why do women always believe these married guys?
I'll tell you a story thats similar to yours (based on the details you've given as the mistress) I don't want to bash you and I'm sure your crushed with all of this, but sometimes the way things seem aren't really the way they are and maybe its something you should consider.... it's possible he's been lying to you the whole time.Here's my story as the wife (or assumed wife...we're not officially married but have been together for 6 1/2 years, live together and have children...3 girls the youngest is his {biologically} )

First off our relationship (like any) has had its rocky points, even to the point that we have separated on occasion, however our love for each other and our families always brings us back together. I will talk about last year around this time. He and I were having A LOT of problems, we were really struggling to keep it together and decided that for both our sanities (and that of the kids) one of had to leave. We could not live together safely or happily. So he left, stayed in a motel and we both agreed that we were not "breaking up" just taking a break from living together until we could sort out our issues. We agreed (like always) to remain monogamous and I always trusted that he would- infact the idea of him cheating didn't even make sense to me or worry me a bit because I knew (or thought) that he already had anything he needed with me. Our sex life was always fantastic, he's very attracted to me and I'm 20 years younger than him...so all the basic reasons why men cheat I thought were covered..lol Anyway, so around Christmas he came back home and we were fine.

Now, my hubby works in a VERY female dominated industry that has a very high staff turn over rate (new employees all the time...coming, going etc.. remember that its important for later in my story) he is also very flirtatious which worries me because sometimes women who don't 'know' him can take it the wrong way or assume the wrong things or even consider it sexual harassment. I was always worried about that...never cheating. Until very recently. Fast forward a bit to February (which is my birthday), hubby rented me a limo and paid for an awesome night on the town with a few of my friends (co workers of his... I am/was close with the "lifer's" where he works, the ones that have been there a while...as I also worked there 7 years ago..its where I met him) The party was awesome. A few days later as I'm trying to boost his moral and I was talking about how he rented me the limo to a few people he found out and said "Babe, it would be better and I'd prefer if you told people (if they ask) that your dad rented the limo, not me because I don't want it getting back to the boss" I was like um..what?? Okay then.. It truly was VERY bizarre to me, but I let it go. I really shouldn't have, but I did, I didn't see the problem, but hey.
Now, in winter I usually don't go out of the house a lot. The cold REALLY bothers me and I suffer from S.A.D. so in winter I usually stop going to see him at work and stuff as much, I only drop in occasionally. So over the course of the winter and spring I'm not there a lot and I really didn't think it mattered. Remember that staff turn over?? Right..WELL this co worker of his happened to start there around Jan/Feb hmm.... and in early summer I started going there more to spend time with him (as he works alot...in retrospect I now know why) and some new staff started making me wonder about certain things... It seemed strange to me that people would ask me things like "oh so your his wife?" and "Did you two arrive in separate vehicles" and 1 girl only thought we had 1 child...the youngest one until I was in there one day with all 3 (as I usually only bring our youngest with me as the older ones are busy with other things). It just made me question things like he's not talking about his family to people, is he not happy? Would a happy man not discuss his family? Anyway like the trusting fool I was i just let it go. They were new maybe they just didn't know.

So as summer continued on I would pop in (in the afternoon) hang out for a while, then leave. I started noticing that my hubby's schedual was changing.. He was "working" a lot more during the early daytime and afternoon, AND evening. He was virtually never home unless I nagged...he had renovation projects on the go that he just dropped and he was really distant from me and even mean a few times...words that weren't his such as he called me lazy for not having a job (I had 1 up until Jan...he didn't want me to work!!) In August we went thru another "rough patch" because his attitude toward me was strange..and sometimes even cruel. I didn't understand until very recently what was going on with him. We went on vacation the end of August and after we got back is when the shi t hit the fan so to speak. Because everything was fine between us until we got back, then he was strange again and disappearing for hours. I got very suspicious and unfortunately started digging. I started showing up at his work unexpected things like that with no luck at first, but I knew he and someone else were up to something because people were acting weird around me, like why are you here weird. Keep in mind I've known some of these people for like 7 years, so I could feel the tension. It was weird. Here's where it gets weirder, I had NO idea on who it could be, or if anything was going on but it was killing me to find out for sure so I started tuning into human behavior and there was one girl in particular who stood out as "somethings not right here" so I started focusing on her. She was the one who started in Jan/Feb, infact I didn't even realize she still worked there because she was working the afternoon shift and I hadn't seen her.... well thats because she switched to the day shift. Anyway, I started focusing on her and it shed light on A LOT. I figured out her schedule (not that its hard I just had to ask to see the schedual or look at it myself when I was there) and decided that I would start showing up at the times she was getting off I did this the whole month of September (last month) . By doing that and analyzing her behavior and his I was able to get enough suspicion to realize ding ding...its her. The major things that gave it away is that she'd hang around after work as if waiting for him (and of course waiting for me to leave) and one time I parked across the street (seeing as everyone he worked with was in on it too, telling him when I pulled in etc..... maybe they thought we weren't together anymore or just didn't want to deal with the drama.. I'll never know because to this day as I type this no one has said a word to me except one person and I'l get to that part...its the most shocking??) So anyway I parked across the street and walked over. I was inside with him..and low and behold here she comes of work with her stuff ready for a ride and there I am..they make eye contact and as fast as she came out she went back. It was funny actually. So, I continued to do this. I've never confronted her though...only him and ofcourse he denies and even tries to half *** convince me by making fun of her and that he'd never be with her. And I would say things to him like why is she the only person who doesn't say hi to me or whatever...why dos she shake around me? Guess what happened to me the next day when I seen her...she was nice as pie.. Hmmm. So anyway, one of my old friends brought it to my attention about "them" that I should keep an eye. I informed them I already knew, but thanks for respecting me enough to be the only person finally tell me something. What I didn't know is that he was carrying on this relationship with her for months...it started in Feb or so and continued all this time. He was telling her and other co workers (obviously) that I was his ex and that he only talked to me because of our child and that I was crazy and would keep her from him if I knew he had "moved on" . And I know they have 'cooled it" or whatever because I have made it very difficult for him to have any unaccountable time...especially when she and him are working at the same time.. I usually always pop in. Whats sad is they cooled it because he told her we were getting back together ( in reality we were NEVER apart he was just using her for whatever, an affair...sex I assume) and that its really only for his daughter. He told a few people that we're going to work it out for her (our youngest daughter) because if not he can't see her. That I use her to bribe him or whatever, And it isn't true at all. We're planning our wedding right now, we're getting married in August. All threw this he was telling me that I'm crazy for thinking he'd cheat on me, that he only wants me and would never cheat again (an affair with a co worker ended his first marriage... I know I know!!), and like I said he even went as far as making fun of this other girl...her appearance, her personality, her social standing etc.. He still denies it and we're going to go to counselling because I can't trust him now. He doesn't know that I know well he does because I've told him my 'suspicions' but he doesn't know that someone brought the affair to my attention. He doesn't realize that I know 100% whats actually going on or was going on. The point of this is I wanted to share it with you because it seems very similar to what your going threw except I'm the wife and your the "girlfriend" . To everyone around including his co worker that he was cheating on me with it appeared that all of a sudden I just "popped back in" to the picture when in reality I was always there just not hanging out with him at work. And due to the staff turnover all the time... a lot of people didn't even know he had a family (or ex family as he would have some believe). Look, maybe your situation is different and you know for a fact that they were seperated, but ultimatly I am sorry that you've been hurt this way. It sucks I'm sure and trust me, it sucks on the wife end too. Mine anyway. It really devastated me because he lied like that, but at home everything was fine, it also disgusted me because we were still sleeping together and he was sleeping with another. It also hurt that he made up such hurtful and untrue things about me just so he could live this double life of his. I'm hoping the counselling will help me and him because he obviously has a severe problem. I know I should leave him for this, but I love him so much and I know he loves me too because he still won't admit the affair in fear I'll leave him,,, I 've asked him to leave because I don't believe him anymore and he begs and cries to stay. I'm not about to throw our life away over some co fling with a co worker after all....threw all of this at the end of the day I'm still who he comes home to, I have everything the house the kids his love and everything in between and all she gets is a few memories maybe a new sweater and thats it. I think you need to move on and just let "your" guy go. Wife always trumps mistress and most married men aren't looking to replace they're wives any feelings that develop are purely accidental. In your case he may have been lying to you the whole time and maybe not... Regardless he obviously has made his choice for whatever reason. He doesn't love you if he didn't chose you. I'm sorry. It takes more than "just the kids" to make anyone stay where they don't want to be, though the "just for the kids" line seems to be one of the most famous of married men.

Life lesson learned sweetheart. Married men only bring pain...next time wait until the man is divorced and WAY OVER his wife. He married her not you, just like mine will marry me, and not her. Because he knows whats important to him and what he can live without. I really hope you can move on and one day when you find and marry the love of your life I hope someone like you doesn't try to take him away. Because trust me, the pain you feel now is amplified by a million when you are cheated on...its the worst.

Therapy might help you get over this quicker, regardless you need to accept that he'll never come back to you, and if he does you'll always be second. Don't you feel like you deserve to be better than someones second?
Move on there are plenty of single fish in the sea. Try to get one thats not damaged goods, no kids no "ex" wife lol or wife period.

Sorry thats so long best of luck to you. I'm sorry you had to experience one of life's many dirty dogs.

Answer 2

He's right, its your pay back for messing with a married man. You need to realize the fact is that relationships ARE NOT based on this mysterious force called love. OOOOoooooo do we wish that was the way it was, but love fundementally doesn't work that way, its simply an EMOTION, and emotions are RAW, and because of this, its job is SIMPLE, its to excite FEELINGS. Now the feelings are the real kickers because there infinite in scoop. That all aside, he will always feel more for her then you. You were fool-hearted to believe it could be any different, I know because, guess what? I'VE BEEN THERE!!! RIGHT SMACK WERE YOUR AT!!! Funny it was a daugther to, but I digress. You guys COULD of been good for each other, but unfornuntely its not the right time. And he has a purpose thats STRONGER then loving you, you understand that, STRONGER, S T R O N G E R, just so you can wrap your head around that, and thats his purpose with this manuplitive wife, and the only woman he well truly love unconditionally in his life, his daughter.... the reality you say could of been the truth, but its not the way he see's it. I don't know all the factors here, but you need to accept the fact is he failed you, fooled you, and in that proved that he isn't right for you. Until you accept that welcome to a slow heck on earth......

Answer 3

Yes. I can accredit that to my zodiac signal, that of Pisces, probably the most empathetic of the indicators. I take in different folks's issues like a sponge; often I'm virtually a jogging open wound. The problem is that I'm most of the time crushed by way of all of the problems on the earth. The upside is that I have many peers given that others uncover me sort, sympathetic, and a shoulder to lean on.

Answer 4

Never get involved with a married man. Let this be a lesson to you of what happens.