My boyfriend's 14 yr. old daughter has been saying how much she hates my 14 yr. old son for 2 years! He hates it. Now, they don't talk to each other at all, although they're at the same high school. Her dad says she brings stories home about my son not being enthusiastic about us moving in together and my son tells me the terrible things she says about him. My friends think his daughter is a spoiled, self-centered, brat, I'm sure his friends say equally negative things about my son. I can't see the point of putting these two together! My boyfriend says things will be rough but will work out. I am widowed, my son & I get along very well and have a very calm household. The daughter goes back & forth each week (mom/dad). My boyfriend and I have very different parenting styles. He bends over backwards having parties and driving her and her girlfriends around so she can be popular; I wouldn't spend my free time like that! He always has a houseful of girls, my son likes to chill. HELP!
2007-10-16 20:48:26 · 20 answers · asked by LuckyEddie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like a prescription for disaster, at least for now until the Queen Bee (daughter) matures. Get family counseling before you all move in together or it won't work. The spoiled, self centered daughter is going to have to learn that the world does not revolve around her, otherwise she could make your life miserable when you live there, and her father will probably stand up for her. They (the kids) won't be this age forever, but I'd get group counseling to work out the kinks and then evaluate everything in a year or 2.
Things can change too. My husband let his world revolve around his 14 yr old (almost 15) daughter, driving her 30 minutes each way to school so she could stay w/her friends, taking her to anything she ever wanted to go to, waiting for 4 hours when she wanted to shop at the mall (What man would do this??? My dad wouldn't have waited 5 minutes!), making phenominal B-day parties for her, just doing everything for her to show her she was the center of the universe. He worshipped her and nothing was too grand for her to ask of him. Well now she is a spoiled monsterous demon who hasn't even spoken to him in 1 1/2 yrs, other than a few hateful emails. (They had the one week here one week there custody thing too). She doesn't care that she crushed her dad's heart. She only cares about partying with all her friends which are where her mom lives. So what I'm saying is who knows, maybe the spoiled brat girl will leave. Just be careful of what you get yourself into.... at least when you have your own place you can retreat back to it if Ms. Queen Bee is getting on your nerves.
2007-10-16 21:23:17 · answer #1 · answered by Wintergirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, this is going to be a little dificult. There's a two year age gap between each child and most of them are in their rebelling teenage years. Do the boys' have something they like to do together? They're brothers and probably already do a few things together. So, do NOT pick those for your daughter to join in on; it will be like their "rituals" will all have to change. Choose something that the boys like but dont do all the time and dont care if they do it together. You can always try responsibility as a form of bonding for them. Drop them off at the local pool, tell the boys to hang out with your daughter. If they are responsibe they will. If they're normal teenage boys, they wont. just make sure you tell your daughter somewhere to go if they ditch her. Amusement parks with the whole family is always a good thing. you just have to remember that this takes time.
2016-05-23 03:08:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to value your calm household and the closeness you have with your son. Do you want to give up these two things? The life you have described doesn't sound like the life style you value. If you really care for this man-look at the potential of living together at this time. You have so many valid reasons for potential problems, and ignoring them will only make them intensify.
Maybe these two "14 year olds" are right..now is not the time. And forcing them together will not make for a calm, peaceful household, and at 14 they really need to know they are important and loved...please wait.
2007-10-16 21:15:07 · answer #3 · answered by straycat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if you and your boyfriend are concidering living together, you should seek some help. Either get the kids counciling together so they can learn to tolerate each other, or talk to someone about how you and your boyfriend can communicate your and your children's differences. It seem the kids are different places and kids usually don't like other kids that don't fit in with their own "click". But that doesn't mean it's hopeless. I think this move is do-able but you should get the kids to get along before the move takes place. Let them know they don't have to become best friends or anything, just tolerate each other for the sake of your and your boyfriend's happiness. They will just have to learn to not be so selfish. Good Luck
2007-10-16 21:01:02 · answer #4 · answered by TMama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your own homes. Spend time with one another at each others houses for the next couple of years - fourteen is a difficult age at the best of times, you are right to be concerned over the impact moving in together could have on your son - especially given the circumstances.
Good luck - your boyfriend should understand if you explain it properly - be careful not to lay any "blame" on your son as this could be passed on to the daughter & give her more ammunition.
2007-10-16 20:53:44 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no.... you only have a small amount of time to raise your children and give them all they need to go out into the world to be strong and giving people. this is a difficult age right now for your son, young men need their dads terribly at this age to help them become men. if you son has a close relationship with your boyfriend, i'd focus on that positive aspect and spend time with just the 3 of you. if he isn't close, honestly, i'd put the whole dating them on the back burner until he is grown and moved out, not letting him know that the breakup was for him, but that you just decided that you would rather wait to get so involved with somebody else right now. you only have a few more years with your son and their are so many negative influences at that age that he could go in the wrong direction...good luck!
2007-10-17 01:07:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is the most nightmare idea to ever move in esp both you , your child is 14yrs old it is very hard for them to get along and there are in their teens stage....as you mention you both raise and live in a different lifestyles it is hard and will not work out once you both move in with the children ....it will cause chaos i suggest give it more time theres no need the rush if you love him and he loves you...most importantly is your children, put them first in this situation and there concerns cause they have you and only you!...as they grow little older they will soon get over each other madness...and that will be the time to check on it again to see if you could move in together...
2007-10-16 21:23:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have three choices, depending on your decision. I gather that your son lives with you. I think your boyfriend needs to decide what he willing to sacrifice. His daughter can live with her mother if that is what she is already doing. I do not think bringing the two together in one house-hold is the answer, it will ruin your own relationship with him. If the daughter wants to visit with her dad at your new home then it will be under yours and his rules and not the daughters.
2007-10-16 21:09:30 · answer #8 · answered by jay_d_skinner 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a recipe for disaster in SO many ways! For SO many reasons. Dont move in with your boyfriend. The parenting styles will clash, causing contstant stress. The kids will clash or worse end up getting together. weird. NOPE. Just keep yourselves in your own households and raise your respective kiddos. good-luck.
2007-10-17 02:53:27 · answer #9 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well one way to look at it is that your son will never end up in bed with his daughter! So there will be no sex problems with those two.
But seriously, I think u should dump your boyfriend! He obviously is wrapped around his daughter's little finger. U would have NO peace whatsoever in that house. And your relationship would end drastically! It is obvious your bf is just looking for convenient sex and not thinking about the relationship with u!
DUMP HIM! U will be better off without him!
2007-10-16 21:04:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋