my wife cheated on me?

Question

about six months i found a text on my wifes phone, i cant remember what it said but i know a wife shouldnt be say or reciving texts like that. she swore it was a joke and it was nothing. now the guy lives over 300 miles away so i let it go. on oct.6 my wife left her email open and i saw pics of this guys penis and alot of them. i asked her what the f**k is this. she said she was sorry and that is all it was just some pics on the net and some cyber sex. now after seeing the pics i thought no way. i googled his wife and found her work number. i called her and then sent her the pics and video. she later called me to tell me that they did have sex one time about a year ago at a work trainning program that took place over a week. the last day of the trainning a few people went out my wife was one of them. i guess after a few the went to his hotel and had sex. she says she is sorry and that she loves. shes not showing any remorse at all. i dont understand how that is possible if she loves me

she addmitted it and yes we have a son he is 4

Answer 1

What do you think all of this means? It means she has no respect for you and she is not in love with you. Your marriage is over and *she will* cheat again when the opportunity presents itself.

The question is, how much self-respect do you have? If you have any at all, you will leave this marriage and take what little pride you have left with you - you've already debased yourself enough putting up with these lies and foolishness.

Accept reality, move on and create a new life.

Answer 2

Definitely a moral issue. If it is something you can forgive and are willing to work through together, I say give it a shot!

I could never forgive or forget. Disease is right! Being drunk is no excuse. So every time she drinks, she make bad choices? Not only that, you two are married to each other. Are you that far out of her thoughts that she can't remember her place?

You have many options (counseling, divorce, whatever!), but I am a believer of taking responsibilies of your actions and paying the consequences. She now carries the label of cheating spouse! Not only will you know, but eventually others will know and maybe make propositions to her that she might be willing to take.

Besides going back in time, what do you want? Take a step back. What would you tell your friend or a stranger to do in your situation?

Talk with her calmly. Be sure to ask her what or why she feels she did this to destroy the trust in your lives. She will play a song and dance and say she is not getting attention and cry. Again, stay calm. Any threats you make will be used against you later!

Answer 3

I don't want to hurt your feelings but if your wife truly loved you she would be sorry for cheating on you and she would want things to work out for you both. But you say she doesn't even show remorse at all. That's sad. She has broken the marriage vows not you. and she has broken your trust. If you loose trust in a mariage the marriage won't last. She has also endangered your health by having sex with another man. And therefore she doesn't care about you. Tell her how you feel and that you know she doesn't care about you. And please go to the doctor and have yourself checked. There are so many STD'S. And you need to take care of your health. I had a boyfriend a few years ago and I found out he had been with at least 2 women when he was with me. It broke my heart. so believe me when I tell you she doesn't love you. And after I found out about my boyfriend I made an appointment to see my doctor and told him about my situation. He said that I did the right thing. And not to endanger my health over anyone. Remember you are important. Don't go by how your wife treats you. You will find a woman who makes you feel special. There are a lot of good women still out there who would love to meet a great guy like yourself. So, don't loose heart! Give yourself time to heal before you jump back into the dating pool. So many people get married too quickly on the rebound. So give yourself time. Get with friends and family who will support you. And if your comunity has a divorce and separation group join it. Some churches have these groups. and you can be with people who are going through the same thing and can help you. God bless. I wish you well.

Answer 4

I am so sorry about it. If that will happen to me I'd let my husband go. I know how you feel, it would hurt so much. She doesn't even show any remorse about it? Then possibly, she is sorry that she hurt you, but she's not sorry for what she did.
You know what she must have increased sex drive and you do not make any effort to make your sexual intercourse adventurous or exciting. She looks like a woman who had wanted to let you know she wants to have more sex, but did you ever feel it?
Did you ever collect porn pics of nude young women? It hurts women soooo deep, it affects their self esteem and make them so damn insecured, they consider having sex with other men. Did you ever check out women while you were together? It would really hurt her. Did you ever do anything that made her feel so unattractive or unloved? Did you ever take her for granted?
Marriage is a partnership of two thats 2 individuals. So, with every problem you two faces, it will involve 2 persons. You can not fully blame your wife for that...there must have been something wrong with your relationship.
Hope this might help you think what may have happened

Answer 5

Yes, she cheated on you...not only that, but I really don't see any regrets. That is evident by her staying in touch with this man. Apparently his wife noticed also...the photos in her email, text message. In her mind and I am sure in yours also, the affair is still on. No regrets, no change, and that I think is the truth.
It's really hard to trust someone who has cheated, but is it even possible when they continue the affair? She doesn't sound "sorry" and I don't think she is...this man is a part of her life, and in a loving, commented marriage there isn't room for another man.
You will have to decide if you can live this way, because she is not going to change, in fact, I think it will only intensify now that you know the truth.

Answer 6

I don't think any one can tell you if your wife loves you or not. There is a difference between loving and valuing. We can love our car, but heck! if a newer, better one comes out...we'll trade. What is evident is that she doesn't value the marriage or your trust. We nurture and protect what we value. People who believe cybersex is harmless are in a massive case of denial. Infidelity isn't just about physical sex. We engage in the act of infidelity anytime we participate in any activity we know would cause harm to our relationship and we wouldn't openly do with our partner present. Marriages can heal from affairs...and affairs are indicators that something has broken down. The divorce lawyers will have their appointment books ready any time. Prior to committing to a divorce, you might seek the guidance of a marriage counselor. You might still get the divorce, but counseling can help set aside the toxic emotions that often make attorney's rich and create hostile divorces that affect children and future relationships. Her infidelity is definitely hurtful to the trust you had in her...but it has nothing to do with you. Its always a bad solution to any problem.

Answer 7

ok, she admitted it, but, she has not said she will stop all sort of contact like this online w/ other men? cheating is cheating... even if it's online crap... you have a son, she is a bad mother... and a bad example... you don't want your son to end up a cheater, as well... and you don't want your son to settle for a woman who "trots" around w/ other men, do you? I understand you love this woman, but, she only cares about herself and her you know what at the moment... if she cared about you and your son and the family she would not be trotting around the USA gettin' some, worse yet, gettin' a disease and giving it to you! these days, cheating is murder... =(... so she has to stop all this online crap of naked pics and communications that are questionable or you should divorce her! don't let her blame you, she should go to you about a problem instead of to another man! ugh! she is a coward... so, if you want it to work out, you have to give her an ultimatum... you and the boy, or her "trashy ways". good luck!

Answer 8

First of all, it took a lot for you to write this out and i bet it was hard typing out all this for everyone. Your one step ahead of many others in similar posisions.

Secondly, your not at fault, dont let her convince you otherwise.

Thirdly, your not going to find a magic answer that you never thought of before. Its just not going to happen.

All we can do is tell you to do what you know you have to do.

None of us can judge what your decision should be, because you know the answer best being that your in the posision with all the knoledge of the situation.

Tell her your concern for her lack of remorse.

Tell her something has to be done.

Something does have to be done, she should not be able to get away with something like that wihtout conciquence.

In addition, dont do anything you know you will regret int he future.

Do what ever you can to get her to understand how serious the situation is. This is the next step you want to get to.

If you cant get there... well i hope everything works out for you.

I cant even imagine being in you shoes and not be going crazy. Your doing good. Hang in there.

Answer 9

your wife has cheated on you and has lied to you...who knows what else she has been lying about? personally im not for divorce...but some situations do call for one...losing trust which is a basis for any relationship is a hard thing...most of the time, you just cant put back things the way they were...and her having no remorse at all makes it worse...it is up to you if you want to stick with her or file for divorce...but i think this is one situation that calls for divorce...i dont think you would just be able to forgive and forget what she did...you just might end up fighting all the time...i just hope you don't have kids...in the end, they are the ones who suffer the most...

Answer 10

Firstly, you need to calm down. I think the urge to strangle her and break the guy's dong is building up within you whenever you think about it right?

Now you have to answer yourself truthfully: Can you forgive her for what she has done?

Don't just forgive her for the sake of being together and don't be together for the sake of old times...

I'm not saying you should not forgive, but if you are ok, then put it behind you. if you can't forgive her, then the two of you should go seperate ways or hate will result. Or not try to forgive as much as you can... But you will never know what will happen. if you can really put it behind you and move on, then YOU ARE DA MAN!